A Soldier's Wish List

Someone emailed me and reminded me that people indeed do read this blog. I forget that people read what I write every so often. With those of you at home reading this in mind I came up with a list of things your soldier probably wants you to send him.

1. Books: I read at least 20 books in the two weeks 2ID was in Kuwait. I recommend light reading, Tom Clancy is much better in our situation than John Milton.
2. Magazines: Magazines are good also. You would be shocked at how many infantry men will read Cosmoplitan.
3. DVD's : If a soldier doesn't have a DVD player he will beg/borrow/steal one if for someone reason he can't buy it. Once he has obtained said DVD player he will watch everything on DVD in a two mile radius. It's true; I promise.
4. CD's: Same situation as with DVD's only not as desperate.
5. Baby wipes/Wet Wipes/Body cleansing towels: Soldiers use baby wipes on themselves just like you do on your baby. I wouldn't be that surprised if someone told me that a soldier somewhere was buying and wearing diapers. Baby wipes have other cleansing uses but there exists no better replacement for toilet paper.
6. Toiletry items: The PX's (Post Exchange - it's where military personnel buy enormous amounts of things they have no use for) are chronically under-stocked and there is always something that a soldier wants that isn't readily available. Also, I bet you would be surprised that macho infantry soldiers buy loofahs and body wash to use in the shower; loofahs are the best way to fight an affliction known as prickly heat. (Prickly heat is a skin condition that soldiers often get from constant wear of body armor. The sensation is something like having an infinite number of flaming needles jabbed in the skin at once. Those afflicted have been known to do the "Prickly Heat Tango", a dance requiring that the dancer scratch his back while writhing in agony on the floor.)
7. Video Games: I recommend multi-player games. True story: I recently bought X-Men Legends for my XBox and played it for five minutes and left to run an errand. When I returned, ten men had gathered around my Xbox to wait their turn to play.
8. Pictures of friends and family: I often see pictures of wives, girlfriends, children, friends, and family taped on the walls in the barracks, right next to the picture of naked women ripped from girly mags.
9. Clothes: There are no PT uniforms in the PX, none! PT's are the only other thing that most soldiers have to wear if they are not in their DCU's (Desert Combat Uniforms, they are the tan and brown uniforms that you see soldiers in on the news). You can buy PT's at any military base or possibly at military surplus stores. You can also buy them online at Ranger Joe's. PT, by the way, stands for Physical Training. PT uniforms are worn to exercise and sleep in. Most branches of the service have dark shorts and some sort of plain t-shirt with the name of the branch on the front. The Army personnel wear a gray t-shirt
   with Army emblazoned on the front and black trunks with Army written on left leg with white reflective tape. The Marines (which are not even a separate branch of the Service. They are a Department of the Navy!) insist on being different and wear plain green t-shirts with the shortest green shorts I have ever seen. There is nothing funnier than the sight of a macho Marine doing PT - in green short shorts. There official color isn't even green; the Marine color is red. Even the Air Force had the sense to wear dark blue. Send underwear too. The PX sells a very unsatisfactory narrow selection of underwear. They do sell thong panties, though. We all know how practical it is to be digging butt-floss out of the crack of your butt when the insurgents decide to start shooting at you. We all appreciate effort though. (Don't get me wrong, I am very much in favor of butt floss, just not on the battle field) Under Armour or some sort of moisture wicking t-shirt is also in high demand. Soldiers think they look cool in high tech spandex.
10. Food: Girls, if you send a soldier cookies you baked yourself and they make it to him intact and unspoiled, he will propose marriage. I promise. I recommend candy, beef jerky, powdered drinks (Gatorade powder is being sold by the gram in the barracks), and meal replacement bars for everyone else. Generally any food that will not spoil and does not need any kind of preparation is a good idea.
11. Letters: The most important thing you can send a soldier is your love. Soldiers measure love in mail. (or e-mail) If all you can do is write "hi" on a sheet of paper and mail that, at least he knows you love him a little.

So what are you waiting for? Send me something already!