Spending New Year's Eve in Toko-RI
I am writing this a second time only I am first editing spell checking it first in WordPerfect because the Blogger didn’t respond last time and I lost the post in Never-never land.
Trying to remember what I wrote the first time while sitting in the hallway in the barracks listening to soldiers coming home belligerent from too much alcohol and too little female involvement. (“female involvement” is a euphemism for p*ssy) It’s sad too because the last post was an example of some of my better writing and reproducing it might not be possible with the shortened battery life in my laptop.
New Year’s Eve was one of my better days in Korea. I performed well on the previous day's APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test), passed the written driving exam, discovered that I had hawk-like 20-10 vision, and got paid. The NCO in charge refused to record my vision as anything other than 20-20 saying that I would have to undergo an eye exam if he wrote down 20-10. (SO!? I like being tested.) I was in a particular giddy mood since the Army came through with my enlistment bonus and my adjusted wages, and by “adjusted” I mean adjusted like a WonderBra (TM) “adjusts” cleavage. I decided to soothe my natural instinct to blow all the money at once on booze, loose women, and flashy clothing by blowing a small portion of the money on booze, loose women, and flashy clothing tonight.
There is no better place to find booze and loose women then Toko-Ri, or at least that is what I have been told since I was a starry-eyed “soldier-medic” in AIT (Advanced Individual Training). One female soldier in particular insisted that anyone going to Camp Casey had to visit Toko-Ri if only to visit the Filipino lady who could smoke cigarettes through her vagina. As a combat medic, I decided that it was my duty to ascertain whether she was developing cervical cancer from her nicotine intake, by careful assessment of the patient. Two of my brother medics agreed, eyes alight at the prospect of spending my enlistment bonus on beer and loose women. (By the way, I apologize if children are reading this blog. I have been gradually including more adult content without considering possible consequences. If you are under the age of 21 please close your browser window or visit a more “family friendly” site, like Barney the Purple Dinosaur. In no way should this aside be seen as a cynical ploy to draw in young impressionable readers by telling them not to read this blog, despite the fact that readership spikes 50% when I mention sex or nudity in the blog.)
I started my evening by filling the requirement for flashy clothing - I bought a brown lambskin jacket with a brown and tan toboggan to keep my newly shaven head from developing into a chocolate-colored brain-popsicle. After failing to resist the siren call of “buy me a drink”(I tend to have less willpower when the girl puts her hand directly in my pants) my merry medics and I made our way to Toko-Ri (which I have referred to before as the Dark Side.) We arrived, eyes bright and blood coursing (mostly in our lower bodies) and left sadder, poorer, and unsatisfied. The climax of the whole debacle was when all four of us (we picked up another medic along the way) paid an exorbitant fee for what eventually became a lap dance because we all thought that everybody else was going to do it. We all thought it was more than a lap dance and it would have been had MP’s not been swarming like angry brown and green hornets. We left, our faces smudged with cheap lipstick. As soon as I finish writing this, I am going to swab my face with alcohol since kissing a “juicy” girl is like rubbing one’s face with Herpes Simplex virus. Don’t do it.
We eventually trudged home wishing all and sundry a “Happy F*cking New Year!”
