Staying at the Hilton

I have been desperately trying to get my hands on a copy of the Paris Hilton sex tape just like every other pervert in America and I've been unsuccessful. I did find this hilarious quote from Heidi Fleiss, the former Holywood madam:

“... My problem is that she should be charging. I see her and I think, Oh, I’d be making an awful lot of money.”

You can read the original quote and several others on the New York Metro's website.

Fort Sam Anecdotes

Just a little something I just realized about Fort Sam. I only twice saw a woman once retreat to the bathroom to change clothes in a hotel room. In crowded hotel room situations with multiple people using the bathroom girls would often just change out in the open, often admonishing gawking male soldiers to turn their heads. I remember once being in a hotel room when a female returned to the room drunk. She informed us "You might want to turn your head if you don't want to see my ass." I confess that my gaze didn't budge an inch (otherwise I couldn't tell this story). She turned her back and stripped off her shirt first as I and another dude (who I have no idea where he came from or who he was) looked on. A third guy who I knew was a soldier from my company sat with his eyes closed directly behind her. She unhooked her bra and without looking threw her bra over her shoulder. It landed squarely on the dude behind her and one of the bra cups fell down over his closed eyes. The three people in the room with their eyes open (topless girl, dude I didn't know, and I) burst out laughing as the other guy sat with his eyes closed and a bra on his head. He removed the bra and she put on a shirt and then a pair of shorts. I've never understood the logic behind the thinking that if a girl changes her top separately from her bottoms it's more modest then if she took off everything at once. Half-assed attempts at modesty when I've already seen everything anyway only puzzle me. Of course, if she stripped down to her thong first I would be talking about how shocked I was.

Thank God For Blogger

I was just about to put the laptop down and commence to sweating profusely (yes you have a very dirty mind) when I ran into these links.
I have known about this website for maybe five minutes and I am already enthralled. I can't but help but stare in fascination when the caption describes PoshSpice as looking as if she has cantaloupes stuffed in her chest. Good times!
Also everyone must visit Popdex and note just how unpopular I am.

Useless Drivel with Which to Fill Your Empty Mind

How long has Blogger had spellcheck?
I could have used this advice long time ago. Only my mom never surfs the web and it was people in my church I should have kept off my blog but that's neither here nor there.
Bad Juju man! Who would ever want to do something like that? "Hey baby, lets jump in the sack because I only shoot blanks!" I suppose it's only fair since women have been using birth control forever.
Finally, an article from MSNBC about finding an interesting Biblical archeological find.

More Links

You can tell when I am substituting links for having a life - like I am doing now. Here's an interesting link I snagged off MSN.com. I am going to use it as an excuse to stare, mouth partially open, at women's chests. I am genetically hardwired to "zone out" (stare at women's bodies). All the soldiers from Fort Benning should use it as an excuse when they graduate from boot camp and haven't seen women in nine weeks. "Dude I am just zoning out!"

Recommended Daily Reading

Ok, so when I said I would resume linking other sites I meant that I would put up links to Slate.com like I was doing before. Sue me.
This why all liberals are paranoid. Democrats would still be paranoid even if Jack Kennedy hadn't been shot but that is their excuse now.
I am trying to avoid being like this guy, who got fired from his job at Microsoft for posting sensitive information to his blog. (As I type this I am throwing away all the papers I brought home that have classified stamped across the top)
That show about the meglomaniacal (means he had designs on world domination) toddler, The Family Guy, might be on Fox again soon. Fox decided to air more episodes after noticing unusually high volume of DVD sales.
How do I stay so slim and trim? I eat like a pig and I work out like crazy. It's good for you.
Another fun article from Slate.com about how the current hysteria about Barry Bonds using pharmaceuticals to pump himself is absolute crap. I love how the author ridicules Dick Pound for being named "Dick Pound". Just like the dude in A co. at Fort Sam whose last name was "Dick". The drill sergeant once told another soldier named "Lowas" (usually pronounced "Low Ass") to stay away from Dick. Fun Stuff.

Gay's Can Get Married!

Gays Can Get Married!

Good news for a few people I know from A co. Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts.

Another Message to My Battle Buddies from Fort Sam Houston

I really miss you!
I think I even miss Rinard. On second thought, I don't miss him. The sight of him strutting round the bay in a women's thong (Damn you Murphy! Why did you give it to him?) has forever scarred my consciousness.

Combat Medic Weekend Report Vol 1.

My apologies for not actually reporting what I did this weekend, but the problem is that I didn't do anything so there is nothing to report. I miss the whoring, drunkness, and debauchery that used to go on in Fort Sam. It gave spice to my life.
Credit cards are evil - Satan invented them so that the children of the earth would never get out of debt. Take that for what it's worth.
Dallas isn't boring, I am. I need to get out and do something. I suppose I could go out alone, just call a cab and go but for whatever reason I don't want to. I have few contemporaries left in town who are young single and fancy free like me and none of them are calling.
I visited UTD today and saw a few familiar faces. Unfortunately, I couldn't attach names to those faces so I mostly kept my own counsel. UTD is so different than when I attended ("attended" means slept in) classes there. New buildings, new people, (where were these girls when I was there?) and new social activities.
I've been corresponding with someone who actually reads this blog. I thought I was the only one - and I write the damn thing. She even has friends who read! Who would have thought...
Has anyone noticed the disturbing lack of hyperlinks in this site recently? Well, guess what? It's because I had better things to do than surf the web endlessly. Hyperlinks have returned because I am bored. But not today.

Message to my Battle Buddies From Fort Sam Houston

I miss you!

AM I HOT?

Eighty Five anonymous strangers certainly think so. I am currently number one amongst all users at Amihot.com. The picture was taken in a studio during a modeling shoot I did before I joined the military. I'd say more but the picture speaks for itself.

The Picture in question.

UPDATE

Ok I was number one for all of 2 minutes. Sorry.