All I want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas is to be well, and score a 300 on my upcoming APFT. Getting either one appears unlikely at this point. I went out Christmas Eve and caroused like a sailor on leave, because soldiers party regardless of whether they are on leave or not. If you are in Tongduchon, South Korea and want to party, you will definitely have options. Not options you would feel comfortable discussing with your mother but options nevertheless. I found out that the majority of the hot spots downtown are little more than strip clubs. I knew that their would be girls in skimpy outfits, demanding drinks but somehow I missed the memo that detailed how the girls would bare their shaved pubic regions inches from my face and grind their crotches on my lap and nose. Five dollars will take you to a part of town known as the "Dark Side". The girls there take the display a step further. The presence of MPS keeps the "Ville" somewhat under control in that girls dare not due more than briefly pull down their panties. On the "Dark Side" it is no holds barred sexual entertainment.
I am proud to say that I resisted the temptation to spend money on the "drinky" girls. It was mostly because I had no money but still it was an accomplishment.
Christmas day I went to the gym to catch the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders USO show. I failed to bring home any autographs but mostly because I didn't care. The cheerleaders gave me a small autographed poster but I promptly lost it in the gym. I did take several photographs with the cheerleaders which I will be sure to share at some point in the future should I ever get my copy from my NCO. It was entertaining enough.
Influenza has become my favorite virus in the past two months. The first time I have ever used the influenza vaccine is also the first time I have ever contracted the "flu" twice in a year. "Ironic" does not begin to explain the situation.
Attentive acquaintances of mine have reported seeing my recent appearance on CNN lately. I am told the segment was aired on the 16th and again on Christmas day. Drop me a line if you know when and the name of the program that I appeared on. I haven't seen the segment and can't locate anything about it on CNN's website.

Merry Christmas

Really I mean it. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I am going to do my best to do the same. (with the help of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders who arrive at 1500 hrs at the Carey gym in Camp Casey.)
Maybe if you're really nice I'll tell you about how naughty I was last night. (but probably night)

One more Shopping Day until Christmas

Christmas is coming late for me this year. I feel bad because I haven't bought anything for anybody but I have spent nearly my entire paycheck on getting settled in Korea and various bills. So I promise if I normally buy you something then I'lll buy you something from the after-Christmas sales. Short of a miracle you won't be getting anything material from me Christmas day.
I on the other hand will be celebrating Christmas by curling into a fetal position on my bed and sleeping an extra four hours. Merry Christmas or Bah Humbug, chose whichever sentiment suits your disposition and situation.

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

Here's a blog by a soldier involved in the mission that captured Saddam Hussein. Read about Operation: Red Dawn from a soldier's perspective.

Stay Away!

Never ever have sex with someone who has this website bookmarked.

Machiavellian Counter-Terrorism measures

Have you ever read anything that made you say "Holy SHIT!" I just did. It was just a comment on a post at another blog but wow. I am going to include the entire comment here for your benefit. The comment was in response to what should be done to fight terror in the United States.

Some commenters keep asking: "What would YOU do about these almost continual on-off threats of terrorist attacks on US soil?"

So here is what I would do, specifically.

1) I would ban all entry to this country of persons from Arab or moslem countries, except for those whom our national security agencies could prescreen, to the same level any American is prescreened by the Federal Bureau of Investigation before being permitted to purchase and take possession of automatic weapons (class III fireams). This was a process that includes fingerprinting, investigations that take 3-5 months, and a prepayment on my part of $200 per automatic weapon, to the US Treasury Department.

2) I would investigate for any and all subversive activities on the part of all Arabs and moslems already in this country, including those possessing citizenship. Any sign of disloyalty, and their residency status would be revoked and they would immediately be deported. I would change the US laws to terminate the citizenship of any such person involved in terrorism, and either deport them or incarcerate them in concentration camps such as the one we maintain at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

3) I would permit no entry of any item by air, ship or ground transport that had not been inspected at the port of entry. This process would include opening and inspecting any cargo container and inspecting any foreign ship allowed into a US harbor, any foreign aircraft allowed to land at a US airport, or any land transport vehicle allowed to pass onto a US road.

4) I would utilize the United States Army to guard the land borders of this country, in place of the US Border Patrol. This rule would be applied most rigorously to the long southern border with Mexico. The army would establish a floodlighted zone of death between parallel lines of razor barbed wire fences. The zone of death would be seeded with land mines and covered by machine gun nests arranged for interlocking fire lanes designed to kill any human being who ventured into the zone.

5) I would try and imprison any American citizen not specifically subject to the draconian rules described above, who gave any material comfort to terrorists, their families, illegal immigrants or those engaged in bringing these persons into our country. I would make certain that the terms of their imprisonment would be impartial and as unpleasant as possible under whatever emergency decrees that would be passed under the legislation needed to effectuate this status.

6) I would move immediately to utilize replacements for petroleum produced in any Arab or moslem states except for those under strict American domination, such as Iraq shall be for a long time. There would be no restrictions of any kind on seeking out and developing sources of fuel in the United States or in friendly countries. I would dig up national wildlife refuges in Alaska if necessary to get the oil there, or even cherished cemeteries, because I do not serve the dead in the face of a national emergency.

7) I would do everything feasible to break the power of international islam. This would include subverting their various social cultures, teaching their peoples the same kind and the same degree of self-hatred as a few generations of liberals have been systematically doing in the school systems of the United States and througout our society at large. Above all, I would break the pride of their men by teaching their women to disrespect them and even to despise them as backward, cowardly and powerless in the face of the overwhelming force of the United States. Exactly what our forefathers did in enslaving the Africans they brought here for labor or in destroying the spirit of the Indian tribes whose lands they stole from one side of the continent to the other.

8) If, in spite of all such precautions, an Arab or islamic largescale terrorist attack occured again on the soil of this country, I would retaliate by means of two mechanisms designed to act as a needle that would pierce the heart of the enemy religion and cultures. First, I would encourage the government of Israel to expel the entire remaining Arab population of the lands they presently occupy and to destroy their great temples in Jerusalem. Second, I would destroy the center of their religion in and around Mecca, with thermonuclear detonations designed to keep all life from that place for whatever is the half-life of the radioactive materials and the bomb coatings.

9) I would order our secret services to kidnap relatives of the chief terrorists, including Osama bin Laden, and hold them as hostages until such time as their master plotter were brought into US incarceration. If killing were required, I would begin with the first-born Arab males, inasmuch as in their culture this is the most important inheritor of the family name and birthright.

The nature of power, Stalin is said to have told one of his key henchmen, is that it is the one thing in the world that you cannot fake. You either have it or you don't. The other characteristic of power is it must occasionally be exercized in order to remind those who do not have it what happens if they try to overthrow that order. Sometimes this process requires gross unpleasantness, which, if not applied, leaves potential challengers further down the chain with the idea they can unseat you and take your power.

I am a citizen of the United States. I want this country to maintain its wealth, its power, and its level of inequality with the rest of the population of this planet. Forever, if possible. And by whatever means required. Because I have no other loyalties and no other concerns than the greatness and the power of our great commonwealth. If that power is to be challenged, than let us respond with terror of our own, a level of terror that has not truly been unleashed since the days of majesty that ended in the utter ferocity of the attacks we mounted against our enemies in Europe and the Pacific in 1945.

Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI

Scary... What was worse, is that I found myself agreeing. Fear can make you do some evil things. Here is the original blog post.

I am the Person of the Year!

I am really... Along with 1.4 million other soldiers. Time Magazine chose the "American Soldier" as the person/people of the year for the Army's role in the pacification of Iraq.
I was going to pontificate about how great it is to be a soldier and how we are living in a important moment in history that would make or break many people's careers but I won't. Bottom line: I think I can take advantage of the current situation to make a career in the Army. I think I can change the world. That's just me though.
You know why I spend hours posting to this blog? It's entertaining. I even read my own blog even though I wrote the words myself. It's not that I am extremely funny or that my life is hugely entertaining. Somehow, remembering events I record here is like taking a snapshot of my life. Even better when I can see other people's response to the blog. Even the people who don't send me email in response to my writing give me feedback in other ways. It's always hilarious to track how people find my blog. Searching for "marry Christmas George", "Paris Hilton airhead", or even "nudity in the classroom" brings up this blog. I look at the search terms, do the search myself and comment. It makes for an amusing feedback loop. Of course this blog is the number one response in most search engines when my name is entered. I just never thought anybody would actually type my name into a search engine other than me. But someone has. Don't get me wrong. There is no "Idahosa Edokpayi" fan clubs. (Actually, there is but we have only one member. Privacy laws prevent me from revealing his name but his initials are IIOE) But posting to this blog gives me an extra pick me up.

Nudity on Campus?

More proof that college aged males spend a lot of time fantasizing about nudity. An article by an aspiring nudist at the University of Evansville arguing that everybody should be naked all the time. If he'd restrict nudity to a select umm 20% of the female population I'd agree wholeheartedly.