Spending New Year's Eve in Toko-RI

I am writing this a second time only I am first editing spell checking it first in WordPerfect because the Blogger didn’t respond last time and I lost the post in Never-never land.
Trying to remember what I wrote the first time while sitting in the hallway in the barracks listening to soldiers coming home belligerent from too much alcohol and too little female involvement. (“female involvement” is a euphemism for p*ssy) It’s sad too because the last post was an example of some of my better writing and reproducing it might not be possible with the shortened battery life in my laptop.
New Year’s Eve was one of my better days in Korea. I performed well on the previous day's APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test), passed the written driving exam, discovered that I had hawk-like 20-10 vision, and got paid. The NCO in charge refused to record my vision as anything other than 20-20 saying that I would have to undergo an eye exam if he wrote down 20-10. (SO!? I like being tested.) I was in a particular giddy mood since the Army came through with my enlistment bonus and my adjusted wages, and by “adjusted” I mean adjusted like a WonderBra (TM) “adjusts” cleavage. I decided to soothe my natural instinct to blow all the money at once on booze, loose women, and flashy clothing by blowing a small portion of the money on booze, loose women, and flashy clothing tonight.
There is no better place to find booze and loose women then Toko-Ri, or at least that is what I have been told since I was a starry-eyed “soldier-medic” in AIT (Advanced Individual Training). One female soldier in particular insisted that anyone going to Camp Casey had to visit Toko-Ri if only to visit the Filipino lady who could smoke cigarettes through her vagina. As a combat medic, I decided that it was my duty to ascertain whether she was developing cervical cancer from her nicotine intake, by careful assessment of the patient. Two of my brother medics agreed, eyes alight at the prospect of spending my enlistment bonus on beer and loose women. (By the way, I apologize if children are reading this blog. I have been gradually including more adult content without considering possible consequences. If you are under the age of 21 please close your browser window or visit a more “family friendly” site, like Barney the Purple Dinosaur. In no way should this aside be seen as a cynical ploy to draw in young impressionable readers by telling them not to read this blog, despite the fact that readership spikes 50% when I mention sex or nudity in the blog.)
I started my evening by filling the requirement for flashy clothing - I bought a brown lambskin jacket with a brown and tan toboggan to keep my newly shaven head from developing into a chocolate-colored brain-popsicle. After failing to resist the siren call of “buy me a drink”(I tend to have less willpower when the girl puts her hand directly in my pants) my merry medics and I made our way to Toko-Ri (which I have referred to before as the Dark Side.) We arrived, eyes bright and blood coursing (mostly in our lower bodies) and left sadder, poorer, and unsatisfied. The climax of the whole debacle was when all four of us (we picked up another medic along the way) paid an exorbitant fee for what eventually became a lap dance because we all thought that everybody else was going to do it. We all thought it was more than a lap dance and it would have been had MP’s not been swarming like angry brown and green hornets. We left, our faces smudged with cheap lipstick. As soon as I finish writing this, I am going to swab my face with alcohol since kissing a “juicy” girl is like rubbing one’s face with Herpes Simplex virus. Don’t do it.
We eventually trudged home wishing all and sundry a “Happy F*cking New Year!”

The Real Army is NOT Like This

How many times did I hear the words "the real Army is not like this"? DOH! I am hearing stories of people I know working in hospitals in Hawaii getting four day weekends and spending the day on the beach while I am spending my four day weekend in bed and working through the holidays.
The only thing keeping me going is that I get up every day planning how I am going leave behind wretched enlisted life. I am going to go somewhere where I can't be assigned to motor pool, where I don't develop hypothermia every morning, and where the girls know how to say something other than "buy me drinky!" I don't hate Korea and I plan on enjoying some of the tourist destinations in and around Korea, but I don' want to stay longer than I have to.

All I want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas is to be well, and score a 300 on my upcoming APFT. Getting either one appears unlikely at this point. I went out Christmas Eve and caroused like a sailor on leave, because soldiers party regardless of whether they are on leave or not. If you are in Tongduchon, South Korea and want to party, you will definitely have options. Not options you would feel comfortable discussing with your mother but options nevertheless. I found out that the majority of the hot spots downtown are little more than strip clubs. I knew that their would be girls in skimpy outfits, demanding drinks but somehow I missed the memo that detailed how the girls would bare their shaved pubic regions inches from my face and grind their crotches on my lap and nose. Five dollars will take you to a part of town known as the "Dark Side". The girls there take the display a step further. The presence of MPS keeps the "Ville" somewhat under control in that girls dare not due more than briefly pull down their panties. On the "Dark Side" it is no holds barred sexual entertainment.
I am proud to say that I resisted the temptation to spend money on the "drinky" girls. It was mostly because I had no money but still it was an accomplishment.
Christmas day I went to the gym to catch the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders USO show. I failed to bring home any autographs but mostly because I didn't care. The cheerleaders gave me a small autographed poster but I promptly lost it in the gym. I did take several photographs with the cheerleaders which I will be sure to share at some point in the future should I ever get my copy from my NCO. It was entertaining enough.
Influenza has become my favorite virus in the past two months. The first time I have ever used the influenza vaccine is also the first time I have ever contracted the "flu" twice in a year. "Ironic" does not begin to explain the situation.
Attentive acquaintances of mine have reported seeing my recent appearance on CNN lately. I am told the segment was aired on the 16th and again on Christmas day. Drop me a line if you know when and the name of the program that I appeared on. I haven't seen the segment and can't locate anything about it on CNN's website.

Merry Christmas

Really I mean it. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I am going to do my best to do the same. (with the help of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders who arrive at 1500 hrs at the Carey gym in Camp Casey.)
Maybe if you're really nice I'll tell you about how naughty I was last night. (but probably night)

One more Shopping Day until Christmas

Christmas is coming late for me this year. I feel bad because I haven't bought anything for anybody but I have spent nearly my entire paycheck on getting settled in Korea and various bills. So I promise if I normally buy you something then I'lll buy you something from the after-Christmas sales. Short of a miracle you won't be getting anything material from me Christmas day.
I on the other hand will be celebrating Christmas by curling into a fetal position on my bed and sleeping an extra four hours. Merry Christmas or Bah Humbug, chose whichever sentiment suits your disposition and situation.

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

Here's a blog by a soldier involved in the mission that captured Saddam Hussein. Read about Operation: Red Dawn from a soldier's perspective.

Stay Away!

Never ever have sex with someone who has this website bookmarked.

Machiavellian Counter-Terrorism measures

Have you ever read anything that made you say "Holy SHIT!" I just did. It was just a comment on a post at another blog but wow. I am going to include the entire comment here for your benefit. The comment was in response to what should be done to fight terror in the United States.

Some commenters keep asking: "What would YOU do about these almost continual on-off threats of terrorist attacks on US soil?"

So here is what I would do, specifically.

1) I would ban all entry to this country of persons from Arab or moslem countries, except for those whom our national security agencies could prescreen, to the same level any American is prescreened by the Federal Bureau of Investigation before being permitted to purchase and take possession of automatic weapons (class III fireams). This was a process that includes fingerprinting, investigations that take 3-5 months, and a prepayment on my part of $200 per automatic weapon, to the US Treasury Department.

2) I would investigate for any and all subversive activities on the part of all Arabs and moslems already in this country, including those possessing citizenship. Any sign of disloyalty, and their residency status would be revoked and they would immediately be deported. I would change the US laws to terminate the citizenship of any such person involved in terrorism, and either deport them or incarcerate them in concentration camps such as the one we maintain at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

3) I would permit no entry of any item by air, ship or ground transport that had not been inspected at the port of entry. This process would include opening and inspecting any cargo container and inspecting any foreign ship allowed into a US harbor, any foreign aircraft allowed to land at a US airport, or any land transport vehicle allowed to pass onto a US road.

4) I would utilize the United States Army to guard the land borders of this country, in place of the US Border Patrol. This rule would be applied most rigorously to the long southern border with Mexico. The army would establish a floodlighted zone of death between parallel lines of razor barbed wire fences. The zone of death would be seeded with land mines and covered by machine gun nests arranged for interlocking fire lanes designed to kill any human being who ventured into the zone.

5) I would try and imprison any American citizen not specifically subject to the draconian rules described above, who gave any material comfort to terrorists, their families, illegal immigrants or those engaged in bringing these persons into our country. I would make certain that the terms of their imprisonment would be impartial and as unpleasant as possible under whatever emergency decrees that would be passed under the legislation needed to effectuate this status.

6) I would move immediately to utilize replacements for petroleum produced in any Arab or moslem states except for those under strict American domination, such as Iraq shall be for a long time. There would be no restrictions of any kind on seeking out and developing sources of fuel in the United States or in friendly countries. I would dig up national wildlife refuges in Alaska if necessary to get the oil there, or even cherished cemeteries, because I do not serve the dead in the face of a national emergency.

7) I would do everything feasible to break the power of international islam. This would include subverting their various social cultures, teaching their peoples the same kind and the same degree of self-hatred as a few generations of liberals have been systematically doing in the school systems of the United States and througout our society at large. Above all, I would break the pride of their men by teaching their women to disrespect them and even to despise them as backward, cowardly and powerless in the face of the overwhelming force of the United States. Exactly what our forefathers did in enslaving the Africans they brought here for labor or in destroying the spirit of the Indian tribes whose lands they stole from one side of the continent to the other.

8) If, in spite of all such precautions, an Arab or islamic largescale terrorist attack occured again on the soil of this country, I would retaliate by means of two mechanisms designed to act as a needle that would pierce the heart of the enemy religion and cultures. First, I would encourage the government of Israel to expel the entire remaining Arab population of the lands they presently occupy and to destroy their great temples in Jerusalem. Second, I would destroy the center of their religion in and around Mecca, with thermonuclear detonations designed to keep all life from that place for whatever is the half-life of the radioactive materials and the bomb coatings.

9) I would order our secret services to kidnap relatives of the chief terrorists, including Osama bin Laden, and hold them as hostages until such time as their master plotter were brought into US incarceration. If killing were required, I would begin with the first-born Arab males, inasmuch as in their culture this is the most important inheritor of the family name and birthright.

The nature of power, Stalin is said to have told one of his key henchmen, is that it is the one thing in the world that you cannot fake. You either have it or you don't. The other characteristic of power is it must occasionally be exercized in order to remind those who do not have it what happens if they try to overthrow that order. Sometimes this process requires gross unpleasantness, which, if not applied, leaves potential challengers further down the chain with the idea they can unseat you and take your power.

I am a citizen of the United States. I want this country to maintain its wealth, its power, and its level of inequality with the rest of the population of this planet. Forever, if possible. And by whatever means required. Because I have no other loyalties and no other concerns than the greatness and the power of our great commonwealth. If that power is to be challenged, than let us respond with terror of our own, a level of terror that has not truly been unleashed since the days of majesty that ended in the utter ferocity of the attacks we mounted against our enemies in Europe and the Pacific in 1945.

Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI

Scary... What was worse, is that I found myself agreeing. Fear can make you do some evil things. Here is the original blog post.

I am the Person of the Year!

I am really... Along with 1.4 million other soldiers. Time Magazine chose the "American Soldier" as the person/people of the year for the Army's role in the pacification of Iraq.
I was going to pontificate about how great it is to be a soldier and how we are living in a important moment in history that would make or break many people's careers but I won't. Bottom line: I think I can take advantage of the current situation to make a career in the Army. I think I can change the world. That's just me though.
You know why I spend hours posting to this blog? It's entertaining. I even read my own blog even though I wrote the words myself. It's not that I am extremely funny or that my life is hugely entertaining. Somehow, remembering events I record here is like taking a snapshot of my life. Even better when I can see other people's response to the blog. Even the people who don't send me email in response to my writing give me feedback in other ways. It's always hilarious to track how people find my blog. Searching for "marry Christmas George", "Paris Hilton airhead", or even "nudity in the classroom" brings up this blog. I look at the search terms, do the search myself and comment. It makes for an amusing feedback loop. Of course this blog is the number one response in most search engines when my name is entered. I just never thought anybody would actually type my name into a search engine other than me. But someone has. Don't get me wrong. There is no "Idahosa Edokpayi" fan clubs. (Actually, there is but we have only one member. Privacy laws prevent me from revealing his name but his initials are IIOE) But posting to this blog gives me an extra pick me up.

Nudity on Campus?

More proof that college aged males spend a lot of time fantasizing about nudity. An article by an aspiring nudist at the University of Evansville arguing that everybody should be naked all the time. If he'd restrict nudity to a select umm 20% of the female population I'd agree wholeheartedly.

Turtle Walk

One of my NCO's gave me and the other new medic, my AIT (Advanced Individual Training) buddy our "turtle walk" tonight. It was interesting. It turns out there is much to see "down range" but what there is to see is very lively. I saw "drinky" girls, cheap suits, knockoff designer clothes, electronics, drunken soldiers, roadside vendors hawking barbecued chicken, and the ominous "Courtesy Patrol" - the MP's more polite little brother. It was a good time.
Did I say something about not having a roommate yesterday? Did anyone ever say something about not counting your chickens before they hatch? Not five minutes after I wrote about liking the fact that I had no roommate my new roommate walks up and introduces himself. The upside is that he's a good guy with no overtly annnoying habits. (yet)
Well I'm off for late night burgers and fries.

Feeling Strangely Fine

I missed dinner chow to post; essentially, to talk to myself since recent research has revealed that this blog has exactly one reader, me. I suppose I could attribute the upswing in my mental status to the onset of the weekend but in reality there is no accounting for my moods. I just feel good or bad and I deal with it.
I seriously need to put some time in the gym because we had a diagnostic APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test) and I have slipped. My push-ups improved but my sit-ups and my run time slipped. I improved to 82 push-ups, but I lost 18 sit-ups, 42 seconds on my run for shocking raw scores of 70 sit-ups and 14:52 2 mi. run. I have never been this slow. I see quality time with a treadmill in my future.
I am actually looking forward to our next field problem in February despite the promise of weather colder than the frozen reaches of space. I am going to be a medic in a line company, which is what I always wanted. When I signed my name on the dotted line is with the hope that I would be a combat medic - a line medic. When I joined the Army I was hoping for a job with risk in it, something I could be proud about doing, something that would make people say "wow that's cool". Something to get me play with the ladies...
I just moved into my own room. The good news is that I have no roommate. The bad news is that my toilet leaks when flushed and the shower doesn't drain. You win some you lose some.
Oh by the way, have I told you about how cold it is in South Korea lately? We had a class on sling loading HUMMV's today and finally I begged my section sergeant to let me go thaw in the snack bar. We had the class because the 1/503rd is an air assault/airborne unit and everyone has to be high-speed, run 10 miles for PT, max PT tests, fast rope out of helicopters, have Expert Infantry or Expert Field Medical badges, have Air Assault Badges, and know how to sling load their vehicle. Sling loading a HUMMMV consists mostly of taping all the glass, plastic, and any protruding objects down so they don't break or catch the ropes used to suspend them from the Blackhawk or Chinook taking them to the next destination. And we do this all in frickin' freezin' weather. Fun!
In the big news there is a nasty rumor that my unit is going to play in the sandbox. I don't believe it and it would be weird but the upside is that I would be going somewhere warm.

The Dark Side

If sometimes I act erratically or become angry for no reason, please realize that I have a dark side to my personality. I think at times I don't do a good job of communicating when I am tired, lonely, and a little depressed. I have violent urges occasionally even. (I did join the Army with the aim of killing people) If I come across as being innocuous I want to explain that the obvious impression of me is exactly wrong. I don't claim to eat nails for breakfast or club baby seals to death for amusement; (although I might do something that irrational and destructive in a fit of pique) I am just surprised when people get the impression they can walk all over me or that I am not prone to anger just like any normal human being.
If it sounds like I want my readers to feel sorry for me, I am doing something right because I do. I sometimes think I force myself to be upbeat and even-tempered so often that when I tire of the effort (which has been more often lately) I get depressed. No one pressures me to do this; I do it to myself. No one thinks I need to be superhuman; I want desperately to be Superman. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and the world doesn't give a damn.

Colder than a Witch's Tit in a Brass Bra in December

I feel significantly better after sleeping and washing away the tremendous ass funk that accumulates when one sleeps in a tent outside without showering for several days. It took several days for me to adjust to the December cold and by the time I had adjusted it was time to go home.
I should buy a camera and webspace so I can show ya'll what I am seeing because the view is always amazing. I have never been anywhere as mountainous as Korea and looking out the window and seeing hills and helicopters sweeping through the air with HUMMV's swinging from chains like tonka toys is something one doesn't see very often in life. We had a light dusting of snow last night but not enough to cap the hills with white.
Formation isn't until 1000 hrs this morning since we didn't go to bed until 2400 hrs (midnight)last and I doubt that we'll have PT today but today won't be an easy day since we have to finish cleaning up gear and washing (BRRR!) trucks. Oh! And I have to finish in-processing into the 503rd. So I am going to be busy today.

Back From the Field

So I am back from the field. I am tired, dirty, and I am in dire need of a shower. The field problem (Army terminology for training outside off-post) was uneventful save for what happened while we were gone. The US Army caught your favorite arch-villain and mine Saddam Hussein. I am sure that 2nd ID would congratulate our brothers in the 4th ID for showing considerable restraint in not beating Saddam to death when they found him. I would have.
I have yet to fully in-process into the unit yet but I am already forming firm opinions about evertything and everybody here. I am in the medical platoon but I am going to have a lot of interaction with the infantry units and considerable interaction with the other medics. My impression of the Korean countryside is that it sucks. The air is heavy with the smell of sewage, which they use to fertilize the ground in the rice patties and everything (during the winter anyway) is a depressing sandy brown. The best thing about the whole trip was that our unit had an all male perimeter so there was no need to go all the way to the porta-potties at night. Also, we could tell raunchy jokes without asking permission. They weren't that funny but we had the option at least. Field exercises in the winter stink... Literally.

Camp Casey: Day 3

Because of my stubborn refusal to deny posession of cold weather gear I am being sent to the field to join the rest of my unit in the frigid weather. You know maybe I should have listened, especially when I check the weather and the forecast says "too damn cold". I never learn...

2nd Infantry Division 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry

I am "in-processing" into my new unit in Korea and I have gotten my wish - I am going to get some work as combat medic in a line unit in a light infantry unit. The way it works is that medics rotate from the troop medical clinic, to infantry platoons, and in the evacuation unit. So I hope that I'll be working with the "Joes" at least a third of a time. In-processing is going painfully slow but I suppose it could be worse, I almost went to the 2nd Battalion, 9th Infantry who I was told like to stay in the field - a cook said that what I heard about staying in the field no more than 90 days a year was "bullshit. 2-9th goes to the field 6 months out of the year!" Also, I am in Camp Casey, the center of activity in 2 ID.
So now to the interesting part, the gossip! I'll start with everybody's favorite topic, sex. I'll also finish with sex since I don't have anything else I am interested in saying. Males are at a sexual disadvantage in South Korea since the majority of women want to be paid. There are the "juicy girls", pretty girls who work in bars and won't give you the time of day until you buy them a drink - a very expensive drink. Then there are the conventional prostitutes from various locales - Korea, the Philippines, China, Russia, and Australia! The Australian women are there because of a lack of Australian men - the ratio is ten to one - and Australian men tend to treat women poorly. So Australian women work as whores in South Korea to meet American G.I.'s.
Just because a woman doesn't demand money up front doesn't mean she doesn't expect something in return. Korean women hook up with soldiers all the time in hopes of scoring that magical ticket to America along with citizenship and benefits that go along with being an Army wife. And that still leaves the Army women... There is a saying in Korea that male soldiers use with females about being a "queen for a year". If they used the words "ho' for a year" they might be telling the truth. So the story is that everyone is having sex in Korea and getting in trouble for it. (except me!) The quickest way to become an E-5 in Korea is to come as an E-6. The army is cracking down on prostitution and has always looked askance at NCO's and officers having carnal relations with privates. Yet soldiers risk demotion and public humiliation for sex with a lower ranking soldier. Natural human folly I suppose.
Those of you in the audience concerned about my innocence and the corrupting influence of desperate Korean women selling their bodies rest assured - I refuse to have sex with a woman who does not speak English as her first language.

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One More Time...

I say goodbye so often that you'd think the word would be permanently formed on my lips. I should be packing to leave for San Antonio, but obviously I am not since I am posting here.
I went out again last night, just for the hell of it. I am becoming something of a party animal, at least when I am home in Dallas. My childhood friend Philip was there and he's still the same as he ever was - All the girls flow to him like bees to honey, but somehow were blind to my charms. I didn't care, girls tell me not to meet women in dance clubs. Which brings the question to my mind, where SHOULD I go to meet women? Certainly not the Army.
I missed the parade my recruiter arranged for me to be in but it wasn't my fault. Lack of information kept me away. At least that is my excuse, I was told to be in McKinney for a parade at 5 pm but where in McKinney?
What is a little weird is that this is it. Sometime tonight, I will buy a bus ticket and go for the last time from the place I call home. I'll be back eventually, I am sure, despite what I have said; but it will never be the same. I plan on spending my time on leave in local military installations in guest quarters till I can afford to buy a house somewhere nice (South Padre Island baby!) where I'll spend time on leave and rent the house out when I am gone. So, Goodbye....

What happened last night?

I was there and I can barely answer the question myself. What did happen was expensive and tiring. The night began innocently enough with a planned trip to Fort Worth. I eventually scuttled the trip after missing the last train to Fort Worth. I recovered by getting a hotel room at the Best Western in the Market Center District. (Never believe their claims of having unlimited internet access!) I left my room almost immediately to hang out at Have A Nice Day Cafe. MTV was their recruiting college age people for new reality shows - clubs are great places to meet vacuous people who want to be on TV and don't mind debasing themselves on camera.
After that the night just went downhill. I hated to end the party so soon - I'd only gotten to the club at midnight having trekked for two hours trying to find my hotel. My hotel was just down the road from Harry Hines BLVD, the center of Dallas' red light district. Between the cabbies and Harry Hines I am a much poorer man than I was yesterday.

Scandalous Whores

Apparently searching for the phrase "scandalous whores" brings up this blog on Google. I imagine there are going to be a few perplexed and disappointed perverts. This is the post that Google grabs the text from in the search.

Homosexuals in the military

The Army is the worst place to be if you are homosexual. From my experience in my short military career, even the suspicion of homosexuality is detrimental to your career advancement. The funny thing is that didn't stop apparently gay people from joining the military. I have a friend who is a linguist in the Navy and his roommate told him of his homosexuality the first day he was in the Defense Language Institute. There were a large number of gays at the DLI, and they all knew each other. I happened to read this article this morning about how the Army separated 37 linguist for being gay.

Why does the Left Hate and Fear President Bush?

Orson Scott Card, famous Sci Fi author and prominent Democrat, indicts the Democrats and the media's portrayal of President Bush's handling of the war on terror in this article.

Prologue to Goodbye

In four short days, I am going to leave everything I have ever known, everybody I have ever known, and everything I have ever loved to go far away. I am excited and nervous. I probably should be scared but I don't know enough to be scared.
Dallas is home, has always home but there comes a time when you leave home. To put it plainly: I am not coming back to Dallas. I love Dallas. I feel as if Dallas loves me, but I am not coming back. I've already wiped one local town off my personal map (Mesquite) but I am not forsaking Dallas, I've just worn it out. There is nothing for me here and I need to start fresh somewhere else. If I am seen in town, it will only be fleeting glimpses. You are more likely to see me on television then you are in Dallas.

This post is made possible by Wi Fi

So I went to my local Fry's Electronics and bought a 80211g compatible wireless networking card yesterday. Now I can make posts from Starbucks. Powerful technology to enable the mundane.

Living Dead

A lot of dead people walking around in India...

KKK member shot During Initiation Ritual

Serves him right.

Own an IPOD?

You might find this link funny or not. Dig the funky old school jam from Dre Dre and Ice Cube in the video. You will also be thankful for this link.

Israel Too Harsh on Palestine?

MSNBC has a bit up about how the chief of staff of Israel's armed forces thinks that Israel's tactics are too harsh.

I'm Just Another Soldier

Are you reading Just Another Soldier? You should be if only for quotes like this one:

Hell, Ray even has a friggin' tomahawk. "It's so I can split niggaz skulls open if I have to.", he told me completely deadpan and genuinely.

read that post here.

Freaky time Travel Stuff

Read this and try to keep your brain from twisting in knots at the possibilities.

Rolling Stone Does Paris

I've met girls like Paris Hilton, only these girls had already undergone psychological treatment for their ailments. Rolling Stone reveals in an exclusive article that Paris Hilton is a rich airhead. Wow! Who'd a thunk it?

I'm a Combat Medic

I just found this story of how a Army medic was able to save casualities from bleeding to death with nothing but cardboard and an old hair dryer.

The Ghastly Citizens of Tinseltown

The best thing about Awful Plastic Surgery.com is that the average person can see how ugly celebrities are without the benefit of makeup, lighting, and flattering camera angles. In the relentless pursuit of youth, these people transform themselves into unnatural, alien creatures. Thank God for good genes. :)

28 Shopping Days Left Before Christmas

Retailer's have obliterated Thanksgiving from the calendar with early Christmas displays. Now everytime I go to the mall I feel off-kilter wondering which holiday comes next.
Have you heard there's a nasty flu bug going around? I heard directly from the source - i.e. I was flat on my back with chills, body aches, fever, headaches, productive cough, runny nose, etc the first day I got home from leave. Whatever it is will do a number on you and flu shots are not helping due to a phenomenon known as drift - the shot doesn't work and the virus kicks your ass like a cheap soccer ball. (According to an article by MSNBC, drift is a slight change in the virus over time. Virii mutate quite a bit.) The flu this year has been serious enough to kill four children in Colorado. Texas has also had a serious outbreak too. That figures. :(
If you haven't already and you use AIM or ICQ you should check out SmarterChild. It can be entertaining if you don't have anybody else to talk to.
By the way, Happy Thanskgiving.

Music library management issues

Yeah, I have got a problem. I've got a significant number of legal mp3's (in case the RIAA is reading) that I transferred to my laptop from an older computer. The problem is that I have a large number of duplicates and missing files. Nothing I can do about the missing files but the duplicates now are a tricky issue. I could just live with it, but I have a significant amount of hard drive space tied up in unnecessary MP3's and no easy method for tracking down which songs I can be rid of. If anybody knows of any handy file utilities I can use or Windows commands I can use I'd be much obliged.

Holy Matrimony

As I sit waiting for the air to warm to comfortable runnning weather (That's my excuse anyhow), I read this article about gay marriage in Slate.com. I personally don't think that letting gay people get married will make much of a difference. Marriage to me isn't a religious issue since marriage itself is a civil procedure. A justice of the peace can marry a couple. Whether or not two men can marry or two women can marry isn't a moral issue. Whether they can have sex now...

Just Another Soldier

A must read for anybody in the armed forces, especially if they are in the National Guard. It's a blog by a National Guard soldier deployed to Iraq.

Staying at the Hilton

I have been desperately trying to get my hands on a copy of the Paris Hilton sex tape just like every other pervert in America and I've been unsuccessful. I did find this hilarious quote from Heidi Fleiss, the former Holywood madam:

“... My problem is that she should be charging. I see her and I think, Oh, I’d be making an awful lot of money.”

You can read the original quote and several others on the New York Metro's website.

Fort Sam Anecdotes

Just a little something I just realized about Fort Sam. I only twice saw a woman once retreat to the bathroom to change clothes in a hotel room. In crowded hotel room situations with multiple people using the bathroom girls would often just change out in the open, often admonishing gawking male soldiers to turn their heads. I remember once being in a hotel room when a female returned to the room drunk. She informed us "You might want to turn your head if you don't want to see my ass." I confess that my gaze didn't budge an inch (otherwise I couldn't tell this story). She turned her back and stripped off her shirt first as I and another dude (who I have no idea where he came from or who he was) looked on. A third guy who I knew was a soldier from my company sat with his eyes closed directly behind her. She unhooked her bra and without looking threw her bra over her shoulder. It landed squarely on the dude behind her and one of the bra cups fell down over his closed eyes. The three people in the room with their eyes open (topless girl, dude I didn't know, and I) burst out laughing as the other guy sat with his eyes closed and a bra on his head. He removed the bra and she put on a shirt and then a pair of shorts. I've never understood the logic behind the thinking that if a girl changes her top separately from her bottoms it's more modest then if she took off everything at once. Half-assed attempts at modesty when I've already seen everything anyway only puzzle me. Of course, if she stripped down to her thong first I would be talking about how shocked I was.

Thank God For Blogger

I was just about to put the laptop down and commence to sweating profusely (yes you have a very dirty mind) when I ran into these links.
I have known about this website for maybe five minutes and I am already enthralled. I can't but help but stare in fascination when the caption describes PoshSpice as looking as if she has cantaloupes stuffed in her chest. Good times!
Also everyone must visit Popdex and note just how unpopular I am.

Useless Drivel with Which to Fill Your Empty Mind

How long has Blogger had spellcheck?
I could have used this advice long time ago. Only my mom never surfs the web and it was people in my church I should have kept off my blog but that's neither here nor there.
Bad Juju man! Who would ever want to do something like that? "Hey baby, lets jump in the sack because I only shoot blanks!" I suppose it's only fair since women have been using birth control forever.
Finally, an article from MSNBC about finding an interesting Biblical archeological find.

More Links

You can tell when I am substituting links for having a life - like I am doing now. Here's an interesting link I snagged off MSN.com. I am going to use it as an excuse to stare, mouth partially open, at women's chests. I am genetically hardwired to "zone out" (stare at women's bodies). All the soldiers from Fort Benning should use it as an excuse when they graduate from boot camp and haven't seen women in nine weeks. "Dude I am just zoning out!"

Recommended Daily Reading

Ok, so when I said I would resume linking other sites I meant that I would put up links to Slate.com like I was doing before. Sue me.
This why all liberals are paranoid. Democrats would still be paranoid even if Jack Kennedy hadn't been shot but that is their excuse now.
I am trying to avoid being like this guy, who got fired from his job at Microsoft for posting sensitive information to his blog. (As I type this I am throwing away all the papers I brought home that have classified stamped across the top)
That show about the meglomaniacal (means he had designs on world domination) toddler, The Family Guy, might be on Fox again soon. Fox decided to air more episodes after noticing unusually high volume of DVD sales.
How do I stay so slim and trim? I eat like a pig and I work out like crazy. It's good for you.
Another fun article from Slate.com about how the current hysteria about Barry Bonds using pharmaceuticals to pump himself is absolute crap. I love how the author ridicules Dick Pound for being named "Dick Pound". Just like the dude in A co. at Fort Sam whose last name was "Dick". The drill sergeant once told another soldier named "Lowas" (usually pronounced "Low Ass") to stay away from Dick. Fun Stuff.

Gay's Can Get Married!

Gays Can Get Married!

Good news for a few people I know from A co. Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts.

Another Message to My Battle Buddies from Fort Sam Houston

I really miss you!
I think I even miss Rinard. On second thought, I don't miss him. The sight of him strutting round the bay in a women's thong (Damn you Murphy! Why did you give it to him?) has forever scarred my consciousness.

Combat Medic Weekend Report Vol 1.

My apologies for not actually reporting what I did this weekend, but the problem is that I didn't do anything so there is nothing to report. I miss the whoring, drunkness, and debauchery that used to go on in Fort Sam. It gave spice to my life.
Credit cards are evil - Satan invented them so that the children of the earth would never get out of debt. Take that for what it's worth.
Dallas isn't boring, I am. I need to get out and do something. I suppose I could go out alone, just call a cab and go but for whatever reason I don't want to. I have few contemporaries left in town who are young single and fancy free like me and none of them are calling.
I visited UTD today and saw a few familiar faces. Unfortunately, I couldn't attach names to those faces so I mostly kept my own counsel. UTD is so different than when I attended ("attended" means slept in) classes there. New buildings, new people, (where were these girls when I was there?) and new social activities.
I've been corresponding with someone who actually reads this blog. I thought I was the only one - and I write the damn thing. She even has friends who read! Who would have thought...
Has anyone noticed the disturbing lack of hyperlinks in this site recently? Well, guess what? It's because I had better things to do than surf the web endlessly. Hyperlinks have returned because I am bored. But not today.

Message to my Battle Buddies From Fort Sam Houston

I miss you!

AM I HOT?

Eighty Five anonymous strangers certainly think so. I am currently number one amongst all users at Amihot.com. The picture was taken in a studio during a modeling shoot I did before I joined the military. I'd say more but the picture speaks for itself.

The Picture in question.

UPDATE

Ok I was number one for all of 2 minutes. Sorry.

Home Again

Who was it that said you can never go home again? Thinking about it now, even though I have returned to the location I call home I have not and cannot return to the place. Home is more than a location - it's a place, a time, and a feeling. Those things can never be fully recaptured. The people who made the home have dispersed and changed and so one can never return to his home again. I realize now that I am an adult - I must be an adult because I have no childhood left me. Everything is serious business now. I am in the business of killing people in defense of my country. Yes, I am a medic and my obvious purpose is to begin step one of the healing process, but only so that they can go and wreak havoc on the bodies of others. No children here.
Even my family has grown up. My sister has her own car, goes to college; My youngest brother just hit puberty and has grown leaps and bounds since I saw him last; and my middle brother is beginning to think about life after college. The location hasn't changed, the house is the same, Dallas is still familiar, but it isn't the home I knew as a child. I can feel time slowly sliding by, it's scary and strange and powerful. I am feeling a distinct urge to maximize every moment, to cram in everything I can to every second of the day. I think I'll start with sleep though. I am bushed.

Marrying for The Money

You know the danger of writing posts early in the day is that interesting things always happen right after you write them. Sunday, after my last post I jokingly proposed marriage. The object of my jesting affection told me that seriously she would.
I was flabbergasted, but the agreement would have been perversely expedient. The logic behind the proposed union was that I needed help getting citizenship and marrying a citizen is one way to obtain citizenship; she was getting chaptered out of the Army and needed benefits due to injuries sustained in the Army and her inability to find employment. We would both get what we needed and she even threw in performance of "wifely duties". She's even attractive.
It would have been wrong. Word on the street is that the girl is of less than stellar character (she's a good friend of mine so I'd like not to believe it but then she is in the Army and Army women are not well known for their chastity) So I did the safe thing. I hate doing the safe thing, but you know there are times that the alternatives just are not worth the payoff.

Soldier Medic Weekend Report Vol. 2: Everything that has a Beginning has an End

I am stealing a cheesy line from a cheesy (but profitable) movie, but the line is the truth. I am leaving Fort Sam Houston. I may never hear from some of my peers again. For the most part, this is a good thing. In the end, I discovered that I could do without the majority of the people who took the 91W (proounced "ninety-one whiskey") course. Many, if not most, of the females are scandalous whores; many of the males (and no doubt females too) are convicted felons and slackers who joined the Army with the aim of salvaging their worthless, wicked lives. The remainder I will miss desperately.
Since my last post I have been interviewed by CNN for a documnetary scheduled to air in early December; recieved a coin of excellence from the Command Sergeant Major of Medcom, the highest ranking enlisted medical soldier in the Army; won Junior Leader of the Cycle (by some miracle); and I had a very good reading at a casting call for a feature film (don't ask me which one or with who because I don't know).
I feel lonely, but I am beginning to believe that my loneliness is my own fault. I don't know how to choose or where to look for friends. I am sure there are plenty of people who would hang out with me but I probably snubbed them all. I also often present an air of uncertainty which probably is a little off-putting too. (But not lately, recent events have made me just a little more confident in my own abilities and probably much more arrogant. I walk with quite a bit of swager now.) I need a regular crew though - a group of friends to hang out with. I also am willing to bet that I won't have that for a long time either.
Despite my complaints of loneliness, I do have a great time. If only just from listening to the stories I hear from other soldiers. Like this girl I know who is geting chaptered out of the Army due to health problems. She realized that she will be without any benefits or employment so she is trying to get married to someone for the health benefits! It will happen to because she is an attractive girl. I was tempted myself - if only for the chance to demand that she do her "wifely" duties.
The sum total of it all, is that it all must end; and it does, in three days.

Soldier Medic Weekend Report Vol. 1

I go out every weekend hoping to party as if there is no tomorrow; I always wake up disappointed the next morning because tomorrow actually did come. Don't get me wrong, I have a good time; but there's a part of my brain that won't let me completely enjoy partying. I don't hook up with girls at clubs, I don't get drunk off my gourd (ok well I do, but not to the point of unconsciousness like some people do and I sober up fast), and I get the feeling I don't quite fit in or belong. And then you have stuff like what happened last night. I was dancing with a girl in my company who was sloshed - I mean veeeeeeery drunk - and she got a little out of hand. She was a terrible dancer and she kept trying to kiss me and even copped a feel of my groin while we were dancing. That wasn't even the part that got to me. I can blow that kind of behavior off - she won't remember in the morning and I'll forget eventually - but it is what she was said: "I thought you were too cool to dance with me." It is flattering to be thought of as a "cool kid" but it honestly hurts me when I get the impression that other people feel like I am to high and mighty to stoop to their level. Here's a guy who can't get girls to dance with him at the club (at least not the girls he wants), and who is still really insecure about a lot of things. Hearing things like that makes me feel awkward. So far the Army for me is like High School for a lot of people - confusing and a little awkward. I have fun - I am one of the "cool kids" after all - but it's strange.
Oh and that is only half of the story. I fell asleep on the floor of a swank room in the Marriot hotel in downtown San Antonio waiting for five professional strippers to show up while an amateur stripper (who works as a professional soldier during the week) did her thing in the bedroom. The insanity never ends here.
Well, actually it does. On Nov 12, everybody goes home; except for those soldier medics (thats what they call us here: soldiers first, medics second) who partied a little too hard on the weekends and are pending UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) action or are already serving Article 15 suspensions; also, all the people who are unable to meet the physical fitness requirements go to G Co. (pronounced "Golf Company". It's only the Army's own special brand of purgatory) There are also a few brave souls who go on to Airborne school and on to Ranger school to become special ops maniacs. All the relationships break up (I am assuming. It was only sex after all); all the married people go back to their cuckolded spouses; boyfriends and girlfriends reunite (or separate, depending on how quickly word of infidelity travels home); very little gets left behind. Looking back, it just feels a little empty. I remember every moment, and there aren't any moments I can point to as being bright shining moments. I didn't waste the time but...
I still haven't found what I am looking for.

Hell Week

The weekend is mostly over and stories of the wild things that people did over the weekend (or for that matter the wild people that people did over the weekend) are just beginning to filter back to the company. I for one am hearing stories of how I am "gorgeous" and hot. Blah! A lot of good it does me.
I saw the movie Kill Bill this weekend and honestly, I was a little traumatized. I have never seend so much gore in one movie. Uma Thurman hacks and slices so many non-descript extras that I am sure that Quentin Tarantino killed many of them twice. The movie is bloody, profane, and stylish as hell. Quentin Tarantino hasn't been doing a lot of work since 1997 and Jackie Brown (In fact, he didn't do anything) and it's kinda cool to see him come back so forcefully. The movie is a homage to the 1970's style chopsocky flicks and is filled with noticeable references to past films, including a short guest appearance by Sonny Chiba - who if you didn't know appeared in a lot of '70's era martial arts films. So the long and short of it is that the film is cool; go see it.

Fish Out of Water

Never ever let your friends drag you to a country bar. At least not unprepared. I went to this place last night that the majority of the company congregates at on Saturday nights because I heard it was a good time - "They only play country music at first, as the night goes on they play rap." I believed them because this is Texas and the only people in Texas who listen to country music exclusively live in towns called Hickville, TX. Even in trailer parks where the most country people live Eminem is more popular than Garth Brooks. So as we're riding in the taxi to go to this place I continued to question them: "Will there be black people there"?
"Yes."
"I mean actual black people."
And there were black people at Cowboys/Far West (You know thinking back looking at the names I should have just known better). The black man at Far West worked in the bathroom handing out paper towels and mints.
I wasn't miserable - I just felt odd. I immediately regreted my choice of black slacks and black and white saddle shoes. If you are in San Antonio and plan on visiting Far West, wear a cowboy hat, jeans, and boots. You will be much more comfortable (well you'll fit in but you won't be comfortable. Tight fitting Wranglers can wreak havoc on male genitalia.) I loosened up over time and had a good time. So it was all good.

Four Day Weekend Baby!

I am constantly getting the feeling that I am doing a poor job of telling the story of my life. I often think that I am to vague, too specific, that I forget the interesting details, etc. Guess what, though? I am the only person here to tell the story so I am stuck. The number one most interesting thing I am trying to do now is trying to get into Westpoint. The second is trying to find something to do on this four day weekend.
I could tell you the story of who's sleeping with who; who's married and sleeping with who; who's cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend/life companion; who walked around in the bay in a thong; (only interesting because it's a male the females walk around naked or in underwear all the time - no big deal); which female is reputed to be a lesbian (I don't think she is but even I'll admit that she fits the stereotype); which females who would probably be lesbians given enough alcohol and a receptive audience (50% of the females here); who is on extra duty; who recently got Article 15's; who has the most interesting sexual history in the past 3 months; etc. But I won't. You'll have to wait for the book. I played that game once before and I didn't even use anybody's name and I was up to my eyes in shit. Those people possibly could still be reading my blog. Not likely but it's possible. I'd liek to apologize quickly for using profanity, but as somebody told me today it's hard to change who you are. The most important thing is to not let other people influence who you are in a negative way and keep you from enjoying the moment. You have to live each moment so that it is the finest moment in your life because life isin short supply.
Interesting things did happen this week. My instruction team had a practical exercise necessitating the separation of males and females. I wish I had some pictures to post because the hilarity ensued once our instructor kicked the females out was high quality. I doubt the females had as good a time as we did but they did get to lounge around a classroom in sports bras. We were doing EKG's and really you should have no shirt or bra on at all (especially if you are male) but there are people who couldn't be professional (me) or confortable (90% of the females) with partial nudity in the classroom. Even shirtless men would probably be to much for most people to handle in a mixed sex environment.
I got a ring to commemorate graduation from the 91W course and to replace the cheap one I bought at Basic Combat Training. It's pretty cool. Not like out of this world but pretty cool nevertheless.
We are coming up to our second (and I hope) final Hell week. We have our record PT test (this one actually counts as it goes on our permanent record), 3 test in 4 days and the end of classroom instruction. All of this coming off a four day weekend. I swear that they give us just enough rope to hang ourselves.
Well I am gonna go out and take advantage of my privileges. Later folks.

Thirty-Eight days and Counting

You know it's not that I am not enjoying Fort Sam Houston but I miss home. I am going to be here another 38 days but I only have 13 days more of classroom instruction. (give or take a couple of days) My training as a medic is approaching the home stretch. Traditionally this is the part of the course that students lose their focus. I am struggling to buck that trend but I am finding that things are dividing my time - like flag football for instance.
Did I mention that Army women are aggressive and take charge individuals? That's all I am going to say.
My cellular phone finally decided to make an appearance, and I must say life is much easier since. I hear my laptop may becoming to visit also.
I've been avoiding hotels lately for the sake of my bank account and instead I find that I am spending the money on taxi's. So next weekend I am going to get a hotel room. :-p
That's all folks.

Wishing for Tomorrow, Trying to Live through Today

Every once in a while I have these flashes of insight (ok so I have had maybe three in my whole life) but I had one the other day. (along with a strange dream of girls arrayed in Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders outfits shooting arrows while I tooled around town in a BMW Z8 convertible) There is no use in wasting today waiting for tomorrow. I am getting a little anxious, a little homesick, a little bit in a hurry to go home and see my family again, but I realized that living weekend to weekend and living for leaving this place was not the answer. I would only have to leave again soon because all good things must come to an end. The only way to enjoy my entire life would to make every place and time a good thing.
So there ends the homily. Since we last spoke I have become a star player on the A Co. flag football team, A Co. acquired a new First Sergeant (a former Special Forces Medical Sergeant no less!) and I finally located my wandering cell phone just in time for Phase 5 Plus! Time to get crazy folks.
So, I went and saw the movie Underworld with a battle buddy yesterday and it was pretty cool. It stars Kate Beckinsdale (she's hot!) and that dude from "Felicity" (Scott Speedman). A little confusing toward the end. (do I root for the vampires? The werewolves? The human?) But it made me think of another movie I saw not to long ago that featured mostly British actors (most notably Christian Bale) called Equilibrium. There is absolutely no connection between the two movies. I don't know why I am trying so hard to find one but I can't and I give up. They are both pretty damn cool though.
Oh yeah and I don't feel so lonely anymore...

Cell Phones Don't Like Me

So I found out the other day that my brother shipped my cellular telephone to Fort Jackson, my last address. SUCKS! I think God is trying to tell me something.
I am trying to be serious so I can finish this post quickly but they play movies in the LRC (Learning Resource Center) and I have a weakness for dumb comedy.
I had an extremely busy weekend. Rumor has it that I was quite the lady's man. I was surprised when I heard who I had sex with. I know what I did and I hope the rest gets blown off as rumor. I also hope that I am able to keep the hormones in check so that people don't catch on that maybe there is some truth to the rumors. I am new to the role of "player" and keeping weekend plans straight (and women separate) maybe difficult.

Titles, Schmitles

I am becoming entirely to lazy about writing titles for my posts. I am in my eigth week of training as a 91W in the US Army, just became a certified EMT Basic, the only disappointing thing that has happened is that I was replaced as Platoon Guide (fired is such an ugly word) and moved back to 2nd squad leader. Life is (or should be) good. Why do I feel as if there is something lacking? Am I just lonely (I am kinda) or is my problem something else? Or do I need to suck it up grab my manhood and drive on? At the moment FIDO seems like the best option. Who needs time to think? Soldiers don't think they react. But I still haven't found what I am looking for and I won't for a long time.

Umm I have a lot to say but I have to be in formation in two minutes to get smoked, hardcore. (By smoked I mean that I am about to do a painful amount of physical training.) I won Junior Leader of the week; I am hearing form old friends; but that's all folks. Gotta go!.

Weekends Suck

The way my weekends have gone here at Fort Sam I should just stay home. I should stop feeling sorry for myself, but I seem to be the center of a vortex of uncool activity. I am hestitant to go into detail for legal reasons but I will say that I am going back to study treatment for (alcohol) poisoning and I am going to re-read the section in the OB/GYN chapter dealing with rape.
Very soon, (a week) I will be a nationally licensed provider of emergency medical care. I am doing all right in class, making good grades, but my social life thus far has been a disaster. Everything my friends said about women in the military has been true. STAY AWAY from military women. What amazes me most about the promiscuity here at Fort Sam is the ease with which people switch partners, transferring their affections effortlessly with minimal fuss. And marriage is merely an excuse to discourage suitors whose affections one doesn't enjoy.
I think I am going to try to be a good boy for now on :( .

Phase 5 at Fort Sam Houston

Did you think I had forgotten? Well, yes, I had. I am six weeks into Advanced Indivual Training as a "Health Care Specialist" in the Army and I am doing well. I just got some freedom back and I'll be able to make short postss if I hurry. I have a lot to say, but not enough time to say it. For instance, I could tell a hellacious story about the drunk girl who ended up in a hotel room with me Saturday night and how I woke up to find her half naked the next mornign but alas there is no time. Later maybe?

Graduation from BCT!

Free at last I am free at last! Well I am free till 2100 hours this evening. There is so much I could tell you about BCT that I could write a book, and maybe I will someday but not now. Right now am hogging my buddy's family phone line so time is short. I haven't posted in a while and posts will be slow in coming for a long time but they will start back up for my audience of one.

Letters from Army Reception
21:30 20030511

I am writing this letter by the light of a red-shaded flashlight over the noise of my bunkmates juvenile humor. I have been in Reception waiting for Basic Combat Training. (BCT) as a member of the 79th Platoon, in Bravo COmpany as part of Fort Jackson's Reception Battalion since...20030507 (Wednesday the Seventh of May in 2003 in Military Format). At the moment, I am endeavoring to hold my guts in as we imitate our favorite (i.e. most feared) female drill sergeants favorite sayings "drink water soldier! You are wrong!" I cannot tell you how funny these words are at 9:30 civillian time when you've been up since too early. (4:30)
Even though we laugh form the safety of our bunks, most of the soldiers in reception live in fear of SGT. Habersham. Never has so much authority been packed in so little a body. The woman is 4'11" tops and she has our strapping 6'2" PG (Platoon Guide) peeing in his army-issue brown tightie whiteys. I think her lack of stature may be the root cause of her ferocity. She's a busy woman who handles the paperwork for several hundred soldiers, so if you didn't se her because she's so short, or couldn't hear her because she's an itty-bitty woman, than well "You're wrong soldier! Drink water!"
Oh by the way, I nearly killed myself trying to break the base record for the One mile run in the Physical Trainig Assessment. (PTA?) I finished in 5 min 30 sec mainly because I believed the record was 5 min 43 seconds. I led most the race only to be overtaken by a brown blur (at this point thats all I remember) that had been dogging me the whore race. I am so pissed I got beat! :(
There is so much more I want to tell you, but every one around me is snoring, so it must be time to do the same.

Negative One Days and Counting

You may ask how I am posting when I supposed to be at boot camp or at least en route. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to Basic Training. What follows is the complete story of my adventure at the Dallas MEPS. (MEPS is where all new recruits are sent to have their paperwork processed. My best guess is that MEPS stands for Military Enlistment Processing Station. I suppose alternatively it could stand for Monster Engine of Pain Silo.)
Monday afternoon I moved all my belongings, save shoes, (don't worry I have no logical reason for leaving them. I just forgot as usual) back to my room at my parent's home. I have no intention of sleeping a single night in the room again but it costs less than storage. I left Walt, Jesse, and Chris with no formal or informal goodbye which I deeply regret. (Bye Walt! Bye Chris! Bye Jesse!) But, I was short on time; which is not even a valid excuse but an honest contributing factor. I moped around the house as my family readied to attend my little brother’s soccer game; I was puzzled about why there were no parting affections. My brother was leaving early to coach the game so he wandered in to say goodbye. He inquired about when I would be departing on Tuesday and I replied that I would be sleeping in the hotel that night and leaving the next day. “So this is the last time I’ll be seeing you?” he asked incredulously. I answered laconically; “Yeah.” He then gave me his tearful goodbye speech (without the tears) and told my mom the news. Simultaneously, Sgt. Anstey, my recruiter showed up at the door. I quickly scrambled to get ready and bid my family goodbye. As I readied to leave for the MEPS, I heard my father prepare to launch his tirade against the good sergeant for persuading his naive firstborn son to enlist in the army, “How many college graduates have you put in the army this month?” Sgt. Anstey deftly deflected my Dad’s angry and tearful query, “Why are you taking my son?” with, “Sir, I am not taking your son. He left on his own.” She calmly explained what advantages the army had to offer and why it wasn’t such a crazy idea. I don’t think Dad approves but he understands more now.
I actually slept that night at the Holiday Inn this time rather than staring at the ceiling and listening to my roommate’s snores. After getting up at too early in the morning, (3:54 in my case) I went to breakfast and boarded the MEPS bus. After arriving and sitting through processing, I had a break which enabled me to engage in conversation with a future Army linguist and a future fellow DIV (Drill Instructor Victim) who would be joining me at Fort Jackson for tortuous self-improvement at the hands of a frighteningly enthusiastic DI. We talked for four hours and it’s hard to say what topic we did not speak about. Before and after Sarah, the linguist, took her Army DLAB (Does it Look like i know whAt it stands for Buddy?) we explored topics including How the 7ft 6 in Sean Bradley (stick figure in the employ of the hometown Dallas Mavericks) could possibly have a normal love life with his tiny wife, the percentage of girls at Sarah’s high school who have been pregnant (more than 1 in 10!!), the importance of clean underwear when undergoing a military orthopedic exam in a room of 12 strangers (a careless recruit had poop stains a mile long on his white boxers. I held my tongue till every recruit waiting for a body fat test started snickering), female sexuality exams during physicals (the military has to verify that each female recruit is indeed female by examining her genitals. Apparently a few men got in as women…), the importance of a good sports bra (Sarah develops bruises when running without one for the same reason she can’t duck walk – big cozangas!), and my flawless eyebrows in comparison to the thick bushy thatches of hair that only slightly resembled eyebrows taped to the face of an Army Sergeant who worked at the MEPS (can you tell that I am jealous of anybody whose eyebrows are said to look better than mine? He looks like Droopy the cartoon character! My eyebrows are my secret beauty weapon!) The day came to an end when the MEPS misplaced some of my information and had to delay my departure till tomorrow morning. The delay was worth seeing the look surprise on my Dad’s face when he saw me sitting at the table at home again.
The story of my (mis)adventures Sunday night may have to go untold. It involves my buddy Jehon, the Navy Linguist; Jesse, my Marine roommate; gay men in Las Vegas showgirl costumes; freaky Goth girls; a Goth cross dresser; and a sultry club diva named Helena.
In what little time I have left, (hour, fifty minutes and counting!) I need to announce some changes that will take place on this blog. My brother will be editing the blog in my absence and I won’t be responding to email. I will still be controlling the blog in much the same way a mobster control his crime family from jail. I’ll also post an address where I can receive mail. The biggest change will be that I will stop self-censoring so much. Early on I realized that certain people I knew where reading the blog and I decided not offend these people. I don’t know these people anymore, so I am no longer worried about offending them. The problem will be learning to right naturally without holding back. It’s become second nature. Well I am done, done and on to the next one… (fans of the Foo Fighters know what I mean)

4 Days...

Wow, anybody wanna hang out? With 4 days to go before I jone the World's Greatest Army I find myself desperate for interaction with anyone I was even vaguely acquainted with. I am not nervous (yet) but I am a little desperate to party. I am trying to pack in everything I didn't do since high school into the last few days.

Six Days...

I find life to be very strange and new right now. I am really enjoying myself but I feel as if I am only dreaming and I'll soon wake up with a very sudden and violent start. The only thing that I might change is that I'd try to get more sleep, and I'd meet more eligible young women.

Seven Days and Counting!

Don't you love how I up and disappear every so often? I should have had something interesting to say in the past six days but I was also feeling lazy. Go figure. Over the weekend I did manage to score a 258 on my PT test. I rocked the house with a 12 min and 23 sec time in the 2 mile run. I can't help being proud of myself, especially since I hate running. In the meantime, I am busy squandering what little money I earned in the month of March and obsessing over "pimp juice".

Shameless Materialism

I promise to MARRY anybody who buys me these shoes. Ok well maybe not marry (especially since that would eliminate half of the population) but I'll name my first child after you.

Model: Nike Shox NZ iD Running
Price: $110.00
Gender: Male
Size: 12
Base color: Black
Accent color: Black
Swoosh color: Yellow Zest
Swoosh border: Yellow Zest
Lace color: Yellow Zest
Personal iD color: Yellow Zest
Lining color: Yellow Zest
Heel Plate Color: Black
Column color: Yellow Zest
Symbol/iD: Personal iD
Primary iD: ARMYONE

Yeah, custom running shoes... forgive me, I just always wanted a pair.

Thirteen Days and Counting

Today is payday baby! I have thirteen days to spend it in too. What should I buy?

Fourteen Days and Counting

Exactly two weeks from now, I'll be flying to Ft. Jackson S.C. to start basic training. To those of you who want to know what happened to the extra two days I had yesterday... I lost them. Would you believe that it was my math skills that enabled me to score a 99 on the ADSVAB? I am very excited. I also need to get busy and take care of some things before I leave.

France Wants to Kiss and Make Up

France apparently wants to forget past hostility and is going along with the US demand to lift sanctions against post-war Iraq. The downside is that France wants renewed UN inspections which the US is opposed to.

Verbal Psychedelia

Hunter S. Thompson has quite a bit to say about the wonders of nude bowling. He's the sports writer from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas who now writes occasionally for ESPN.com. Careful reading of his writing reveals... absolutely nothing. I am inclined to say that his work is a glimpse into a brain addled by several tons of illegal drugs and untold gallons of alcohol. The troubling thing is that I find him fascinating.

Football Player Shot Before Draft Day

This is why all professional athletes should invest in a vest. The player who was shot said he was just in the "wrong place at the wrong time" but I'd venture to guess that athletes spend about 90% of their off all their time in the "wrong place".

Seventeen Days and Counting

You'd think that somebody with so little time left in civilian life would be feverishly preparing and tying up loose ends in his life. Not me. I am at home finishing off my roommates' DVD collection. I might even play some video games after lunch, but probably not. It requires too much thought.

Honda's Rube Goldberg contraption

This ad reportedly took 606 takes to get right. It's so cool that many people are forwarding it to their friends. Instead I am posting it here.

Ny Times Scoop on Iraq Chemical Weapons

The NY Times reports that an unidentified Iraqi scientist has revealed that Iraq actually destroyed stockpiles of chemical weapons before the war. This news is already second-hand since I got it from Kausfiles.
That makes me think though, maybe I should try to narrow the focus of this blog. It's not a news blog as I there is no way I could ever manage to keep abreast of all the important news events. Then again, it's not really easy to categorize because I am the subject matter of the blog. I'll continue to pos whatever I feel like writing about and whatever is going on in my life.

Happy Easter!

I celebrated Easter by staying home. I decided to rest after attempting to run early in the morning. I had felt like I had quite a bit of plegm lodged inmy lungs but as soon as I stepped on the treadmill I felt as if I had sand in my lungs. I'd been coughing all day but hadn't realized that I might actually have a problem. Naturally, I suspect SARS. By the way, did you know that China just copped to having more cases of SARS than previously acknowledged? More SARS here, and here too!
ESPN has a great article about professional athletes' involvement in the war effort. The gist of the article is that athletes usually can't be bothered to think of anybody but themselves, the notable exceptions being former football player Pat Tillman and minor league hockey player Andy Lundbohm.
In other sports news, England may be forced to play it's international soccer matches in an empty stadium!

Nigerian Elections

Peaceful democratic process in Africa is the exception and not the rule. Nigeria is no different. My homeland has been riven by violent turmoil as long as I can remember and before that too. The recent presidential and parliamentary elections in Nigeria have not been going smoothly. The incumbent, President Olusegun Obasanjo, is winning according to the official word but the opposition party has accused his party of using intimidation tactics, bribery, and fraud to maintain power. I have no doubt the allegations are true. I also believe the opposition is doing the same, however. Corruption is the default assumption in African politics. I wonder what is necessary for democracy to take root in an African Nation. Is the entire continent cursed? Read all about the situation here, here, and here.
By the way, the last two links are from an excellent African news website called AllAfrica.com. The best place to get depressing news about the Dark continent.

Husband charged in disappearance of Laci Peterson and unborn child

What makes this case special? Laci Peterson's disappearance and her likely murder is tragic. Yet there were at least two other pregnant women in California within the last year who disappeared under suspicious circumstances. Is it that her husband is a suspect? Husbands are always suspects? Is it that she was young, beautiful, and with child?
The reason I ask this question is that I saw the story and reflexively I wanted to write about it here. Yet how is it relevant? I don't pretend to write for a news website. Here is the original story from MSNBC.com. Whoa! Scott Peterson was arrested as I was writing this post.
One has to wonder, who gets to decide which stories are newsworthy? Which murders are the grisliest, kidnappings the most heartrending, car accidents the most tragic, robberies the most shocking, foreign events the most important, etc.? Network executives might answer that the public decides indirectly by rewarding the most relevant news media with their ears and eyeballs. I don't think so. Public preference plays a role and is often blamed for the dumbing down of the news; but I don't think that is a fair answer. The news media filters the news to align with their own private agendas and biases. Journalists operate under the pretense of objectivity but most people would agree that "objectivity" is only a smoke screen to protect the journalist. I've come to prefer opinion journalism to straight news reporting since opinion and thus bias is already acknowledged. (at least I think it should be)
So to come full cicle in this blog post, why Laci Peterson? Why her particular tragedy? If her husband had been arrested two weeks earlier would anybody care, or would stories of death and destruction in Iraq been more important?
What is news?

Manned Space Flight!

A secretly built airplane appears to be poised to fulfill the dream of flying into space without the aid of booster rockets. You know what this means? Companies will be able to go bankrupt flying from New York to Jupiter, instead of just New York to Paris. Here's the story on MSBC.com. The most amazing aspect of the story is that the development of the plane was privately developed. It isn't often that private developers conduct successful secret large scale projects of this kind.

Dueling point's of View at Slate

Finally, a journalist has emerged to answer Mike Kinsley directly and he works for Slate! Imagine that, the best answer to Michael Kinsley's constant sniping at the Bush administration comes from one of his own employees. Yesterday, Michael Kinsley accused the Bush administration of favoritism in allocating contracts to rebuild Iraq. The very next day Christopher Hitchens shot back. I don't know what Christopher Hitchens' political persuasion is but he consistently defends conservative positions with a skill and ferocity that warms the heart of Republicans everywhere. I am just curious how long he'll last. If I understand how Slate works Christopher Hitchens will continue working there a long time. However, it would be surprising that anybody who defies their superior as directly as Hitchens does would last any length of time.

Back from Aggieland

I have decided that Texas A&M isn't such a bad place after all. I partied last night with several of Aggieland's finest students and I have to say that the social life there is much better than what I experienced at UTD. One thing though, Aggies drink like fish! Apparently there isn't anything to do in Bryan that doesn't involve imbibing huge quanities of alcohol.

Sudden Insight: Relativity. gravity, and bowling balls...

As a child, I had a strange fascination for relativity theory. I'd pore over encyclopedias for hours reading about gravity equaling curvature, space-time, and squinting at impenetrable equations. Even now, I am prone to protracted discussions about relativity, quantum physics, and the basis of all reality. Last night (this morning) I was engaged in a protracted conversation on the topic of the origin of reality, relativity, etc. when I started talking about gravity being equal to curvature. The metaphor I had eventually settled on in my mind was of a bowling ball sitting on a bed covered in 2 dimensional graph paper bed sheets. The bed sheets would curve underneath the bowling ball and objects on the bed sheet would naturally sink toward the bowling ball. I quickly realized that this metaphor was unsatisfactory. The objects did sink toward the bowling ball but only because of gravity and not any warping of the bed. If this example was held in outer space for instance, it would immediately lose its illustrative qualities.
I was about to go to bed when a better metaphor hit me. What if space-time was an elastic container that warped to restrain massive objects? I envisioned elastic graph paper stretched around large objects embedded in the plane of the paper. Smaller objects moving in the vicinity of the larger object would tend to draw close to the larger object because the larger object had compressed their space in the graph paper. Smaller objects tend to move toward larger objects because they have less room to move! Imagine that objects move only along the lines in graph paper, and that suddenly the graph paper developed a square that was swollen or distended, while the rest of the graph stayed roughly the same size. If you lived in the graph paper and defined your frame of reference from the graph paper you would not see the bending of your space but you would see objects tending closer to the center of the warped area. Looking at gravity this way also explains why gravity is diminished at distance from a mass. The warping is less severe and has less influence on movement. Since there are no visible lines for us to observe or an visible higher frame of reference we cannot percieve the bending and flexing of our space-time.

Not with a Bang...

The war for Iraq appears to be coming to a quiet end. The last major outpost of Saddam's Baath regime, Tikrit, may fall without a battle.

A Worthy Cause

Help a girl out you know? Buy her some enlarged mammary glands! People think (and they are right) that they can get people to give them money for anything.

Stuff that I am reading

If you're ambition is to grow up to be like Idaho (heaven help you, poor fool) than you have to develop a voracious appetite for news. The easiest way to satisfy a lust for intelligent discourse is not the morning newspaper, (well maybe since it is online) or televison news, but internet media. Most newspapers are also available online for free on the day of publication, and there are also numerous independent webzines that publish outstanding opinon articles about all and sundry.
My favorite webzine and one of the few completely free news websites left standing, is Slate magazine. Slate owes its existence to the help of Microsoft (much of Slate's traffic is routed through Microsft's MSN portal) but the quality of the opinions and writing at Slate is ungodly. Slate doesn't attempt to cover the news in the same way MSNBC.com or CNN.com does but the results are more satisfying since you get the news distilled through the lens of an intelligent writer's opinion. My only beef with Slate is that the journalists are overwhelmingly liberal. My beef is mitigated by the fact that the bias is acknowledge rather than covered in a veneer of journalistic integrity.
The next best way to find breaking news is Google News. I don't consult google for news very often, but the results are always satisfyingly comprehensive. Here's a story about UN involvement in post-war Iraq that I just picked up from the google news homepage. If it is out there google will find it.
The bulk of the most interesting material I read are random links picked up from the web from my start page, Slate.com, MSNBC.com, and random web browsing. Here's some stuff I am reading now:

• BuzzMachine
  
• BBC News
  
• Andrew Sullivan
  
• Paul Krugman in the New York TImes
  
• Fashion in the New York Times
  
• Ken Layne
  
• www.mightygirl.net
  
• This gem from an anti-war activist detailing the left's failure to detail alternatives to war.
  
• A discussion of women in the military at Slate.com
  
• My friend's new tatoo.
  

Blogs you should read

I think I am going to start a new feature on my blog to go with my "Sudden Insights". I think I'll call it "Voices of Reason". Every once in a while I run into a a blog written by somebody whose world view, while not an exact mirror of my own, appears to be built on logical foundations and reasonable conclusions and not blind ideology. The world is populated with unreasonable people, who yell and scream to be heard above the din but are usually only adding to the confusion. Most people refuse to listen or change their minds from mere inertia. They have always seen the world in a particular way for whatever reason and they aren't flexible enought to listen to what somebody else has to say. Being unreasonable is worse than unintelligence. A stupid person is hampered by simple ignorance and lack of ability to think. An unreasonable person can hear the truth, ignore it and continue to speak the lies he spoke before in the face of damning evidence. Nick Denton is a Voice of Reason and if I am not mistaken in my reading of Wired Magazine an internet micro-publishing mogul. You should be reading his blog, even if you disagree with what he has to say, really...

Mickey Kaus Explains Why everyone should own a BMW or 350Z

Mickey Kaus's Gearbox column at Slate.com details why rear-wheel drive cars are so much fun to drive. Now I know what to say to my friends when they ask why I like BMW's. Rear-Wheel Drive!

Still trying to get a handle on Wander-lust syndication

I'd been wondering why I couldn't see the last three posts; now I know why - I didn't close the comment tag on the syndication command. I am so stupid sometimes.

Fun For Car Nuts Everywhere
Mickey Kaus's Gearbox column at Slate.com details why everybody should run right out and buy a 350Z. Kaus also explains why BMW's are so much fun to drive.

Stumbling into the Weekend

I feel like I have the beginnings of a nasty cold or the flu and I am really in need of rest; but guess what? It's the weekend! This week went by fast, but today seems like it is dragging and my body seems to be calling on me to let up a little, so I will.
I feel like I am living at a pivotal moment in history, and that I will soon be involved in making history in ways that I do not yet understand. At the same time, I am really just counting the days till I ship out and just watching as other people live their lives at full throttle, while I am idling. The best I can do is prepare and try to entertain myself while I wait.
Lately, I have been getting back some really good modeling pictures. Maybe I will post one or two. In the meantime I think I am going to try find some chicken soup. :-p