The Dark Side

If sometimes I act erratically or become angry for no reason, please realize that I have a dark side to my personality. I think at times I don't do a good job of communicating when I am tired, lonely, and a little depressed. I have violent urges occasionally even. (I did join the Army with the aim of killing people) If I come across as being innocuous I want to explain that the obvious impression of me is exactly wrong. I don't claim to eat nails for breakfast or club baby seals to death for amusement; (although I might do something that irrational and destructive in a fit of pique) I am just surprised when people get the impression they can walk all over me or that I am not prone to anger just like any normal human being.
If it sounds like I want my readers to feel sorry for me, I am doing something right because I do. I sometimes think I force myself to be upbeat and even-tempered so often that when I tire of the effort (which has been more often lately) I get depressed. No one pressures me to do this; I do it to myself. No one thinks I need to be superhuman; I want desperately to be Superman. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and the world doesn't give a damn.