Male Badunkadunk

Long time ago, when Napster was cool, I downloaded an MP3 called "Britney Curses". Indeed, it did have Britney Spears cursing up a blue streak backstage with her mother before a concert. The funniest thing about the audio clip though was not the profanity, it was Britney's chagrin at her inability to fit into a pair of pants: "These pants are too small, I grew!"
Well, I am not laughing now, since I have the same problem. I've been lifting weights and doing squats and lunges as if they were going out of style for a while now and I have seen results all over. The one result I didn't see was in the back, especially since I never look at that.
So now I've got "Ghetto Booty" so bad that my platoon sergeant gave me all his extra large PT shorts so people would stop staring. The truth is I don't care if people stare. Of course, I would be happier if they were female but attention can be used to advantage.

Tooting My Own Horn and other topics

I was on a vehicle convoy today with my eyes fixed on the road when my mind began to wander. Minds do tend to wander when driving through Iraqi sandstorms. I should have my own list of public appearances like actors do at imdb.com. So, here is my lists of public appearances:

• 1999? I appeared in a piece done by a local news station (Channel 4? I think the station is now Channel 11 or most likely I just remember wrong) about the supposed danger of drinking Mountain Dew. Broadcasters interviewed various University of Texas at Dallas students about what they knew about Mountain Dew.
• Fall/Winter 2003. I appeared in a segment CNN did on the 91W "Combat Medic" at Fort Sam Houston. The rest of my time at Fort Sam Houston, I was known as the "star" for my CNN interview even though in the actual segment that was broadcast, I say nothing during the interview and when I do speak it is only to shout "Move! Let's move!" at my team as we struggled through a patrol during a field exercise.
• June 2004. I made a radio appearance on "The Edge" morning show in Dallas. I did get on the show through rather dubious circumstances, but it never ceases to amaze me how comfortable complete strangers feel about laughing at me. I suppose it doesn't help that most of the time I am laughing too.

I also sang the national anthem in a smallish group in Basic Training for Family Day. That was actually a lot of fun since most of the choir failed to show up but the people who did (excluding me most likely) had really great voices. We rocked the house in front of thousands of parents, friends, and family.

I sang the national anthem again in AIT at the change of command ceremony and at graduation. The first time the group was so polished and powerful that I felt out of place singing along. I kept wondering when someone was going to walk up and say "Ya'll sound great, but Edokpayi..." We didn't sound as good at graduation, mostly because key members of the group were missing. (Radka, buddy where are you?) Also, I know for a fact that I sounded terrible that day since I was nursing a nasty cold which became a full blown case of influenza as soon as I got home. I also really didn't care how I sounded since I was going home the same day.

I also sang in the choir and did numerous skits in church, back when I actually still attended church regularly and not just the chaplain's meetings so I could tell my mom I went. I was told that I was actually quite funny. Now when I get the urge to perform, I tell the other medics a few jokes and they tell me that I have a day job for good reason and I should never quit.

In other news, Backstreet is Back! This not good news. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. As a male who listened to more Backstreet back in the day than he'd care to admit, I have less room to talk then most, but I think Backstreet should make room for new pop acts. Pop music is designed to be disposable. If a band aims to be something more, fine. But, lets face it Backstreet was never really anything more than bubble gum music for the kids, or a guilty pleasure for adults. No matter how tunefully, or soulfully they sing, the Backstreet Boys are still singing meaningless love songs aimed directly at teenage angst. The problem is that pop stars used to fade into obscurity or grow up. Now because of the amount of money they earn and the amount of money they could earn they have incentive to do neither. What they are doing is waiting until the kids who originally listened to them have grown up and moved on. When the old fans have grown up they target the next generation. Guess what? If you were fifteen in 1998 and listened to the Backstreet Boys, they probably don't want you back. They're after your younger sister, who now buys more CD's than you do and still has the ability to lead your parents around by the purse strings. Such is life.

Camminati I hope you're reading!

Independence Day In Iraq!

Have a safe and happy Independence Day! I did if you leave the "safe and happy" part out.