Home Again

Who was it that said you can never go home again? Thinking about it now, even though I have returned to the location I call home I have not and cannot return to the place. Home is more than a location - it's a place, a time, and a feeling. Those things can never be fully recaptured. The people who made the home have dispersed and changed and so one can never return to his home again. I realize now that I am an adult - I must be an adult because I have no childhood left me. Everything is serious business now. I am in the business of killing people in defense of my country. Yes, I am a medic and my obvious purpose is to begin step one of the healing process, but only so that they can go and wreak havoc on the bodies of others. No children here.
Even my family has grown up. My sister has her own car, goes to college; My youngest brother just hit puberty and has grown leaps and bounds since I saw him last; and my middle brother is beginning to think about life after college. The location hasn't changed, the house is the same, Dallas is still familiar, but it isn't the home I knew as a child. I can feel time slowly sliding by, it's scary and strange and powerful. I am feeling a distinct urge to maximize every moment, to cram in everything I can to every second of the day. I think I'll start with sleep though. I am bushed.

Marrying for The Money

You know the danger of writing posts early in the day is that interesting things always happen right after you write them. Sunday, after my last post I jokingly proposed marriage. The object of my jesting affection told me that seriously she would.
I was flabbergasted, but the agreement would have been perversely expedient. The logic behind the proposed union was that I needed help getting citizenship and marrying a citizen is one way to obtain citizenship; she was getting chaptered out of the Army and needed benefits due to injuries sustained in the Army and her inability to find employment. We would both get what we needed and she even threw in performance of "wifely duties". She's even attractive.
It would have been wrong. Word on the street is that the girl is of less than stellar character (she's a good friend of mine so I'd like not to believe it but then she is in the Army and Army women are not well known for their chastity) So I did the safe thing. I hate doing the safe thing, but you know there are times that the alternatives just are not worth the payoff.

Soldier Medic Weekend Report Vol. 2: Everything that has a Beginning has an End

I am stealing a cheesy line from a cheesy (but profitable) movie, but the line is the truth. I am leaving Fort Sam Houston. I may never hear from some of my peers again. For the most part, this is a good thing. In the end, I discovered that I could do without the majority of the people who took the 91W (proounced "ninety-one whiskey") course. Many, if not most, of the females are scandalous whores; many of the males (and no doubt females too) are convicted felons and slackers who joined the Army with the aim of salvaging their worthless, wicked lives. The remainder I will miss desperately.
Since my last post I have been interviewed by CNN for a documnetary scheduled to air in early December; recieved a coin of excellence from the Command Sergeant Major of Medcom, the highest ranking enlisted medical soldier in the Army; won Junior Leader of the Cycle (by some miracle); and I had a very good reading at a casting call for a feature film (don't ask me which one or with who because I don't know).
I feel lonely, but I am beginning to believe that my loneliness is my own fault. I don't know how to choose or where to look for friends. I am sure there are plenty of people who would hang out with me but I probably snubbed them all. I also often present an air of uncertainty which probably is a little off-putting too. (But not lately, recent events have made me just a little more confident in my own abilities and probably much more arrogant. I walk with quite a bit of swager now.) I need a regular crew though - a group of friends to hang out with. I also am willing to bet that I won't have that for a long time either.
Despite my complaints of loneliness, I do have a great time. If only just from listening to the stories I hear from other soldiers. Like this girl I know who is geting chaptered out of the Army due to health problems. She realized that she will be without any benefits or employment so she is trying to get married to someone for the health benefits! It will happen to because she is an attractive girl. I was tempted myself - if only for the chance to demand that she do her "wifely" duties.
The sum total of it all, is that it all must end; and it does, in three days.