All I want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas is to be well, and score a 300 on my upcoming APFT. Getting either one appears unlikely at this point. I went out Christmas Eve and caroused like a sailor on leave, because soldiers party regardless of whether they are on leave or not. If you are in Tongduchon, South Korea and want to party, you will definitely have options. Not options you would feel comfortable discussing with your mother but options nevertheless. I found out that the majority of the hot spots downtown are little more than strip clubs. I knew that their would be girls in skimpy outfits, demanding drinks but somehow I missed the memo that detailed how the girls would bare their shaved pubic regions inches from my face and grind their crotches on my lap and nose. Five dollars will take you to a part of town known as the "Dark Side". The girls there take the display a step further. The presence of MPS keeps the "Ville" somewhat under control in that girls dare not due more than briefly pull down their panties. On the "Dark Side" it is no holds barred sexual entertainment.
I am proud to say that I resisted the temptation to spend money on the "drinky" girls. It was mostly because I had no money but still it was an accomplishment.
Christmas day I went to the gym to catch the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders USO show. I failed to bring home any autographs but mostly because I didn't care. The cheerleaders gave me a small autographed poster but I promptly lost it in the gym. I did take several photographs with the cheerleaders which I will be sure to share at some point in the future should I ever get my copy from my NCO. It was entertaining enough.
Influenza has become my favorite virus in the past two months. The first time I have ever used the influenza vaccine is also the first time I have ever contracted the "flu" twice in a year. "Ironic" does not begin to explain the situation.
Attentive acquaintances of mine have reported seeing my recent appearance on CNN lately. I am told the segment was aired on the 16th and again on Christmas day. Drop me a line if you know when and the name of the program that I appeared on. I haven't seen the segment and can't locate anything about it on CNN's website.