What was she thinking

Jennifer Connelly, movie star, recently said something interesting. I thought it was a publicist's job to keep stars from saying things like this:

I do like to read a book while having sex. And talk on the phone. You can get so much done. If the room’s dark enough, I like to do some online shopping

I saw the story at Huffington Post, a website so unerring and boringly elitist and liberal that I feel guilty for even linking to them.
The quote came from here. Maybe it's a hoax or maybe her husband, actor Paul Bettany, is even more embarassed than she is.

Email Forwards

Stuff that people would email to everyone in their address books, I just post on my blog. These videos made me laugh so hard, I snorted embarrassing little snot bubbles up. Ok, maybe I didn't laugh that hard but the videos are hilarious.
Gem Sweater is the first video, an inspired bit of hilarity about tacky clothing set to a beat.
Beat Dazzler is more of the same.

Photos of the Road Trip

I don't aspire to photojournalistic greatness since my photography technique is "fire and forget". Many of these photographs were taken from the Jetta at 70+ mph with the camera held in one hand and haphazardly aimed at items of interest. I like the pictures though and thought you might too. Check them out here.

Texas Rest Stops Are Cool

Rest stops in Texas have Wi Fi. How cool is that? The last picture in the mobolog is actually the rest stop I am posting from now.
I just drove 400+ miles I think I should go crash. (I meant sleep; not actually crashing my car!)

Double Secret Blog

There is a poster at Huffintgon Post who has a secret blog. He says everything I think about Huffington Post (admittedly I don't read it much). The delicious part about the whole thing is that he works for Huffington Post! I am sorry, I just love it when employees dish about their bosses.

Lend a Hand?

Liberal interest groups complain volubly about the war in Iraq but conveniently ignore the things they could do to help the people of Iraq. Why aren't more feminists talking about women's rights in Iraq? Why isn't the ACLU helping support an independent Iraqi judiciary? Why don't we hear more about humanitarian groups sending their support?
I know it is dangerous - I was there. But you don't have to be there to help. Many American troops would be glad to do certain tasks and there are surprisingly many relatively safe areas that humanitarian groups could work from. Put your money wear your mouth is.
Christopher Hitchens had this idea first and argues more effectively than I have in an article at Slate.com.

Female Army Captains win Beauty pageants

Two female Army captains won the Mrs. Texas International and Mrs. Virginia America pageants. And they said that all the pretty girls joined the Air Force.
http://www4.army.mil/ocpa/print.php?story_id_key=7696

Burn! Hollywood Burn!

There are certain people who are worried about Hollywood being in a "Death Spiral". Do I think that Hollywood is in danger? Yes. Am I worried? (Insert R rated expletive here) No! Nothing would make me happier than Hollywood crashing and burning like the Hindenburg blimp. In fact, I think we should help it along. The article in Slate outlines the problem and a few possible solutions or stop gaps to keep Hollywood's aging business model on life support. I would like to outline a possible sabotage tactic.
The danger Hollywood is in is self-imposed. First-run movies are in trouble because DVD's are sold so soon after the movie premieres. Hollywood used to have a 6 month moratorium on video sales after a movie premiered. DVD's and specifically children's DVD's changed that. Now studios often target peak retail periods by releasing movies to the home video market as soon as 3 months after a box officer premiere, robbing the box office of vital dollars. The studio makes more money overall but at the expense of their movie distribution departments and the major movie theater chains. The major movie studios cannibalized the box office market for a quick buck. Now the major studios fear that their treasured box office is in jeopardy. WHO CARES!
I think a small but determined group of movie-goers could push the situation over the brink with one simple rule: Never see a movie in the first week. Studios depend on huge blockblusters with ridiculously profitable opening days to make money. I don't have specific numbers but I am willing to venture that 50% of a movie's box office gross comes in the first week and much of that in the first day. If the studios were denied that initial influx of profit they would likely panic. Movie-goers could continue all their usual purchasing habits and the studio executives would still stagger out of their high-rise offices in consternation.
The fear in major studios circles is that the demise of the box office would damage marketing and promotion. Studios believe that even the home video market is dependent on the box office to promote the DVD's they sell. I think anything that undermines the movie industry as it stands now is a healthy thing. I for one am already standing breathlessly, waiting in line for the next "Austin Powers" sequel and I think that the executive who greenlighted the project "Dude, Seriously Where is my Car" deserves recognition for his daring and genius.
I just need to come up with a way to spread my idea. I have ideas though...
Here is the first part of the article about the "Hollywood Death Spiral" and here is Part 2.

Check out my car!

This is my car!

Guerilla War Negotiation Tactics Guide to Buying a Used Car

I recently bought a used car and I want to gloat about the great deal I got. I also want to share some of the techniques I used to get that great deal. I want to note two things before I begin: I would never buy a new car. New cars are terrible investments because of the immediate depreciation. I hate owning something that isn't worth what I am paying. New cars do have a slight reliability advantage (warranty) and come with that new car smell. Someday when I have too much money to care if I waste a little I'll start buying new cars. Most likely, I'll be too old to enjoy my purchase, and will be buying tiny red sports cars to boost my sagging ego. Second, I would never buy a car outright with cash because if I had that much money to spend, it would probably be best spent elsewhere. (A down payment on a house for instance)

1. Plan your Attack: Those of you who read this blog know that I recently returned from Iraq. The austere living conditions allowed me plenty of time to think and I was able to spend this time thinking about what I would do when I returned. I used the extra money I was earning at the time to pay of some old credit card bills I accrued in college and I managed to save up a little money. I even loaned my brother some money to pay tuition at college. (I am not however an angel, I spent the majority of the rest of the money on DVD's, XBox games, and expensive designer clothes. A shout out to my favorite online retailers Amazon, Bluefly, Levis, The Gap, and Figleaves. I should own stock in those companies considering how much I have meant to their bottom line.) Having good (well ok, fair) credit and a large down payment widen your options and allow you to operate from a position of strength.
2. Decide what you want: It is helpful to know what one is looking for in a car in terms of performance, gas mileage, price, mileage, etc before arriving at the dealership. One can quickly eliminate most of the cars on the lot and concentrate on just the ones you want. It is even more helpful to have a make and model already picked out. Even if you don't purchase the Porsche 911 you had your heart set on, the dealer can still get you a sweet deal on a car just like it since he has a good idea of what you like.
3. Take advantage of the kindness of strangers: Dealers offer various enticements to get you into the dealership. Take everything you can. I am not sure how eating free pizza or bumming a ride from employees of the dealership helped me buy a car but I had fun doing it.
4. Have no loyalty: If you have an existing relationship with lenders or dealers by all means take advantage, but you shouldn't hesitate to bolt if you can find a better deal.
5. Arrange financing beforehand: I lucked out on this one (because I didn't do it!) but knowing where the money is being borrowed from is an important part of negotiating from a position of strength.
6. Realize that your smiling salesman/saleswoman is probably a scumbag: If you trust the dealer and his sales staff too much they will take advantage. They have to. Sales personnel only make money when you buy a car and will do everything they can to sell you one. Dealerships are looking to maximize profits on every car sold and have no qualms about making a buck off of an unsuspecting customer. Besides, you should be intensely suspicious of someone who is always smiling. Especially, if his smile reminds you of a shark.
7. Do research: I got an assist on my brother on this one, but doing research will give you a definite leg up in negotiations since the dealer will have more difficulty swindling you of your hard earned money with bogus claims about the lemon sitting in his lot. The internet is critical for this since it is a large repository of impartial (ok maybe not impartial but at least you didn't get it from the dealer) observations about cars. You will want to compare prices for vehicles with similar mileage and age.
8. Take a friend or at least a cell phone: It is great to have a friend to play devil's advocate. When negotiating stop at intervals to go confer with your friend. Even if you are just discussing baseball, the sales personnel will get nervous and feel pressured to sweeten the deal. Your friend can interject at inopportune moments with comments like "I saw that car for a grand less at the dealership next door. I think we should leave." What can be even more effective is bringing a cell phone along. When negotiating terms for purchasing my car, I would call my brother up to confirm details the salesman gave me and compare prices. I even had him pay for a twenty-five dollar membership at Carfax.com so I could check the history of a car I was considering. The salesman actually thought I was talking to another dealership when I would call him to compare prices; I should have let him continue to think that.
9. Comparison shop: Once you zero in on the car you want, you will want to know if you can get a better deal elsewhere. There will almost always be a car with a lower price somewhere else. You can try this gambit: Choose the cheapest car you you can find within 25 mi. Of your zipcode on Autotrader.com. There will most likely be car several thousand dollars cheaper than the one you are looking at. This car will most likely be a lemon. That is fine. You can still use it as leverage during negotiations. The dealer most likely will suspect that the car is a lemon too and try to dissuade you from considering the cheaper car on these grounds. Make a show of checking out the car (Carfax.com!) and reporting that there is nothing wrong with it. Remember that just because you check a car on Carfax doesn't mean it can't be a lemon. Cars often have serious problems that go unreported. (A friend told me that one important thing to check for is rust. Have the dealer raise the bottom of the car so you can inspect the underbelly for rust). If the cheaper car is not a lemon and the dealer is reputable you can always save time by just buying the cheaper car. Or if you are a sadist like me and like to see grown men and women squirm you can wait around longer and continue negotiations. The object of any negotiations with a dealer should be to find the lowest price he can sell to you for. Your offers should be realistic but low enough to force a favorable compromise. Start with the price of your lemon or a random lowball offer and work up slowly. Ignore the sales personnel's petty tricks; my sales man tried to sneak a higher offer by me by offering a proposed deal that included monthly payments but omitted the most important detail - the overall price.
10. Be unconventional: Dealers resort to cheap theatrics all the time. Do not be afraid to use some of your own. I walked off the lot during negotiations no less than three times. I yakked on my cell phone to my brother about car prices in full view of the sales staff. I used a car with bald tires, a beat up paint job, and a rusted underbelly to force them to lower their asking price. I had fun doing it too.
11. Be ruthless: Negotiating to buy a car is like negotiating a peace treaty with the North Koreans. Neither side really trusts the other and has good reasons not to. You shouldn't feel bad about hardball negotiating tactics as long as you do not do anything overtly dishonest or illegal. The dealer is doing the same thing you are. All is fair and love and war; guerilla warfare and used car negotiaions are the worst.
12. Have fun: If I thought I could get away with it, I would sell the Jetta and buy a new car everyday. Just don't start gloating until you leave the parking lot. Car dealerships look askance at people doing victory dances in the back of someone else's pickup truck.

Have leave form will travel

I can't say with absolute certainty due to security restrictions on military space available travel but I am going to be sitting on a beach in Hawaii very soon.

MoBlogging!

I am a moblogger now! There might be a SNAFU with the picture, but I do have a camera phone from which I can post pictures.

I am home!

It's great to be home. I was unable to locate anywhere to logon the internet but I did locate the local club scene. I have been busily partying since Friday when I got off the plane. The 1-503D landed in Colorado Springs Friday morning and landed on the police blotter that night. Our battalion did manage to avoid the dreaded DUI so we were somewhat well behaved.
Our reception in Colorado Springs has been overwhelming. The local populace is very knowledgeable about the military and knows which units are being re-deployed to Fort Carson. They also know that we spent a year in Korea before that. The local merchants have extended discounts on clothes and various consumer goods for our benefit. The local female population has even made efforts to embrace the returning soldier. We are very happy.
I am going to be on the move again either Friday or Monday. I am hoping to be in Hawaii in a week. Have fun folks.

Geeking out

Check out the new periodic table! Ain't it cool?

May I speak freely?

I am no longer constrained (much) by the rules of OPSEC because well there is nothing really happening.
I am in Kuwait (as I say that I cringe reflexively because of a year of OPSEC rules)and AAFES (Army, Air Force Exchange Service) scheduled a bazaar in the camp that the 1-503D has taken up temporary residence in. I walked in out of curiosity and was accosted by several vendors. There are few things more surreal or laugh inducing than being told by a bearded, un-hip-looking Arab man to "Hook it up Dog! Check it out!" I did my best not collapse into an avalanche of giggles.
Iraq was hot this time of year, but the heat in Kuwait lies at the threshold of tolerability. Hell must be especially close to the surface in this part of the world. Home (or at least Colorado) is so close at this point that I might just explode.
By the way, for those of you planning to grow human brains in chimpanzees here is an article in the NY Times with some handy ethical guidelines.

An environment of pain, suffering, and violence

I motivate myself with self abuse when I work out. I scream, grunt, and curse. I like loud music when I lift weights. I am trying to create an environment of pain, suffering, and violence when I work out. It works pretty well for me. Working out is usually a social activity but for me perhaps, exercise should be a solitary activity.
I was in the weight room the other day trying to motivate myself between sets and began talking to myself: "You said you wanted to step up the ************* intensity, so step it up!"
I thought I was speaking under my breath but the opened-mouth stare of a man just a few feet from me told me otherwise. I immediately explained between laughs that I was talking to myself and meant no offense. I suppose I was lucky he wasn't bigger.

Chillin'

I make a point of not talking about what goes on in Iraq to the point of paranoia. I also realize that many of the people who read this website have ways of getting this information without me. So most of you know what it is that I am not talking about. So I don't even need to talk about whatever it is that I am not talking about, and... this is getting tiresome. Just check your email for crying out loud! (A good place to find things I don't talk about are at Ryan Kirk's blog and at the Family readiness page)
There are those in my platoon who have been visiting my website from time to time and directing others to visit. I think they might be a little disappointed in what they find or don't find on the blog. For instance, there are no pictures here! Imagine that. Have fun reading.
As the title suggests, I am just chillin'. Just a little longer...

Male Badunkadunk

Long time ago, when Napster was cool, I downloaded an MP3 called "Britney Curses". Indeed, it did have Britney Spears cursing up a blue streak backstage with her mother before a concert. The funniest thing about the audio clip though was not the profanity, it was Britney's chagrin at her inability to fit into a pair of pants: "These pants are too small, I grew!"
Well, I am not laughing now, since I have the same problem. I've been lifting weights and doing squats and lunges as if they were going out of style for a while now and I have seen results all over. The one result I didn't see was in the back, especially since I never look at that.
So now I've got "Ghetto Booty" so bad that my platoon sergeant gave me all his extra large PT shorts so people would stop staring. The truth is I don't care if people stare. Of course, I would be happier if they were female but attention can be used to advantage.

Tooting My Own Horn and other topics

I was on a vehicle convoy today with my eyes fixed on the road when my mind began to wander. Minds do tend to wander when driving through Iraqi sandstorms. I should have my own list of public appearances like actors do at imdb.com. So, here is my lists of public appearances:

• 1999? I appeared in a piece done by a local news station (Channel 4? I think the station is now Channel 11 or most likely I just remember wrong) about the supposed danger of drinking Mountain Dew. Broadcasters interviewed various University of Texas at Dallas students about what they knew about Mountain Dew.
• Fall/Winter 2003. I appeared in a segment CNN did on the 91W "Combat Medic" at Fort Sam Houston. The rest of my time at Fort Sam Houston, I was known as the "star" for my CNN interview even though in the actual segment that was broadcast, I say nothing during the interview and when I do speak it is only to shout "Move! Let's move!" at my team as we struggled through a patrol during a field exercise.
• June 2004. I made a radio appearance on "The Edge" morning show in Dallas. I did get on the show through rather dubious circumstances, but it never ceases to amaze me how comfortable complete strangers feel about laughing at me. I suppose it doesn't help that most of the time I am laughing too.

I also sang the national anthem in a smallish group in Basic Training for Family Day. That was actually a lot of fun since most of the choir failed to show up but the people who did (excluding me most likely) had really great voices. We rocked the house in front of thousands of parents, friends, and family.

I sang the national anthem again in AIT at the change of command ceremony and at graduation. The first time the group was so polished and powerful that I felt out of place singing along. I kept wondering when someone was going to walk up and say "Ya'll sound great, but Edokpayi..." We didn't sound as good at graduation, mostly because key members of the group were missing. (Radka, buddy where are you?) Also, I know for a fact that I sounded terrible that day since I was nursing a nasty cold which became a full blown case of influenza as soon as I got home. I also really didn't care how I sounded since I was going home the same day.

I also sang in the choir and did numerous skits in church, back when I actually still attended church regularly and not just the chaplain's meetings so I could tell my mom I went. I was told that I was actually quite funny. Now when I get the urge to perform, I tell the other medics a few jokes and they tell me that I have a day job for good reason and I should never quit.

In other news, Backstreet is Back! This not good news. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. As a male who listened to more Backstreet back in the day than he'd care to admit, I have less room to talk then most, but I think Backstreet should make room for new pop acts. Pop music is designed to be disposable. If a band aims to be something more, fine. But, lets face it Backstreet was never really anything more than bubble gum music for the kids, or a guilty pleasure for adults. No matter how tunefully, or soulfully they sing, the Backstreet Boys are still singing meaningless love songs aimed directly at teenage angst. The problem is that pop stars used to fade into obscurity or grow up. Now because of the amount of money they earn and the amount of money they could earn they have incentive to do neither. What they are doing is waiting until the kids who originally listened to them have grown up and moved on. When the old fans have grown up they target the next generation. Guess what? If you were fifteen in 1998 and listened to the Backstreet Boys, they probably don't want you back. They're after your younger sister, who now buys more CD's than you do and still has the ability to lead your parents around by the purse strings. Such is life.

Camminati I hope you're reading!

Independence Day In Iraq!

Have a safe and happy Independence Day! I did if you leave the "safe and happy" part out.