Horrible Macho Guy Schemes

For all the lonely geeks out there, here's a scheme for getting a woman's attention: You advertise in the student newspaper of your local liberal arts (more girls there) as a math and science tutor. You invite the girls to your home for a "private session" and tell any men calling that they have the wrong number.

Contingencies

You Don't Know Anything About Science and Math!

Be sure to serve wine or some other alcoholic beverage. After she has started with alcohol slowly introduce other mind altering substances in the guise of special medication to aid in "learning". Hope that after some alcohol and vigorous "tutoring" she won't remember what she came for.

The Girl is Ugly!

You have several options:

• Feign sudden and violent illness. (works every time!)
  
• Tell the girl she has the wrong address. (be sure to disguise your voice when answering the door.)
  
• Hand the girl a paper bag and instruct her to wear it. Tell her that it is a special technique for preparing the mind to learn by suppressing the identity. (Ugly is better than what you have at the moment which is nothing.)
  

This Scheme is Illegal!

Don't let doubt, fear, and a little thing like the law stand in your way. You have no women! You must go and get you some!