The thing that surprises me most about myself, that even with my limited experience with relationships with the opposite sex, I have already lost my ability to fall in love innocently. I already distrust women so much that I am unable to give myself completely to a woman just because it feels right. I will never experience "love at first sight". It's a shame that young people have already experienced or witnessed so many dysfunctional relationships by the time they are the marrying age that marriage looks distasteful.
I suppose it all goes back to what I did while I was home and dissatisfaction with my lack of female companionship. I had fun, don't get me wrong, but when I blame the transience of my relationships with women on my transient lifestyle I get the feeling that I am copping out. It's not that I don't want more than a one night stand or passing friendship. I just don't know how to go about getting more. I don't know how to ask for it.
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