What would you do if you were God?

You know what nobody has said, (that I know of) is that the justification for war could be reduced to "Because we can". There exists a giant power vacuum and the United States is slowly realizing the implications. The US can use this moment in history to shape the future as it pleases. Honestly, given the power it is ridiculous to not expect America to use it. If you had the ability to make the world a better place could you resist the urge to try? If you were Superman could you resist becoming a vigilante? If you were Superman would you have any moral course of action other than vigilantism? What would you say if Superman sat idly by while evil men caused havok and destruction in the world? What have people said about God for allegedly doing the same?
The danger should be obvious by now. America is powerful but not invulnerable. America is intelligent but not all-knowing. America is well-intentioned but not infallible. How can we be sure that the US will always be guided by the better nature of its leaders, especially since America has been governed by convenience in the past. This is where international law should step in and provide guidance. Unfortunately, leadership at the international level has been lacking. Ask yourself why a powerful nation should trust an organization to protect it's interests and the interest of smaller nations - because it is effective, benevolent and fair. The United Nations is none of these things. The United Nations is powerless to govern its member nations (witness the number of nations with alleged civil rights violations on the Security Council for instance) and unwilling to enforce it own rules. The UN is the problem. War isn't the solution but I have yet to see a better alternative.

What do you do

When your down or a little depressed what do you do? Eat? Sleep? Watch TV? I do something you have to be 21 and older to do in most states. I have talked to other people about this and you would be surprised at the extreme things people do when they are depressed. I am just thankful that the vice I picked up doesn't result in immediate physical harm - well at least it shouldn't.
I was in a little bit of a tailspin from the conversation I had with my Dad the other day until my Dad called me and told me he loved me regardless of whether he agreed with me. I couldn't ask for more.

Kissing Halle

Adrien Brody is a smart man. His actions also mean beautiful women will be on their guard at award shows. Oh Well...

Father-Son Chats

Why can't I be like other people?
I had a chat with my Dad today about joining the Army. He was not pleased, and will remain ill-pleased with me quite some time. One of his protests was that I was throwing away my college education. I beg to differ but I also didn't feel like wasting my breath trying to convince him otherwise. My dad is an opinionated person and the best adjective to describe his disposition during an argument is "implacable". I just don't like the feeling that I am wasting my breath talking to somebody about as yielding as a brick wall.

War News

I continue to monitor the war with a kind of sick fascination. I actually hate hearing about it now but curiousity won't let me rest. The reports of Iraqi troops executing US POWS and using civillians to provide cover anger me. I found an excellent war blog called The Command Post. Very up to the minute and more than you could ever want to know about the new War in Iraq. I also found a link to further evidence that the French suck. I actually think we should let them have some role in post-war Iraq, despite my anger at them. At least that way, America doesn't have to pay for everything.

In a happier note, how about those Mavericks!

Racism and Sexism in Education

I was guilty of bigotry today in the classroom. A big athletic black kid walked into the classroom for the eighth period of the class I was substituting for. As a substitute, you learn to identify troublemakers and this boy fit the stereotype to a T. The children I have the most discipline problems with in the classroom are usually black, male, athletic or all three. At first he did nothing to allay my suspicions, talking and laughing fairly loudly. However, when class started, I forgot all about him. I got so tied up dealing with the other students that I didn't notice him, which is a good thing. (at least from my standpoint since I don't know what his grades are like) Toward the end of class I realized how well behaved he had been and was a little surprised. I even commended him on it. Of course, it could easily have been a fluke, and the kid could be a perfect monster.
The situation does illuminate certain things that have been said to me in the past and an opportunity that exists for me. People expect young black men to be irresponsible, disrespectful, and dumb. Any black male who is responsible, respectful, or intelligent is a rare find. I understand now why people have congratulated me for (apparently anyway) being all three. In fact, I am told the Army still operates according to a de facto quota system so I can expect to move up since my superiors will be desperately searching for qualified black men to fill positions. It is a little awkward but I intend to take advantage of it. I could be ashamed I gained advantage due to my race, but children of wealthy family gain advantage due to their social standing, so why not me? Oh well, whatever, race is always awkward for me to deal with.

Continued War Coverage!

I don't like watching the war on television. There is a surreal quality to watching explosions and realizing that unlike the movies, people actually die when you watch explosions on live television. Hearing the report of how the Iraqis executed several of our soldiers after taking them hostage nearly incited me to willful acts of violence. Only, I can't revenge myself against the perpetrators. War is a maddening thing and now it's closer to me than it has ever been before. Facing the reality of war is like staring at a horrible unblinking eye of death. I don't want to see but I can't look away and I keep getting closer and closer... Only when I get close I can see that the eye is really a gaping maw with curved, predatory teeth. Can't you imagine it - bloody gums and teeth dripping saliva, the remains of past victims, and present victims struggling to escape what cannot be escaped?
Did I ever mention that I have a vivid overactive imagination? I am sure that nothing can be as horrible as what I can conjure in my head and I am hoping that if I ever participate in combat that I'll be able to lose myself in the adrenalin rush and the chaos. I don't want time to think. I do however want time to sleep...

War what is it good for?

I read about the war in Iraq with special interest now. The "Shock and Awe" portion of the war has begun and I gather that the Iraqis are properly "shocked" and "awed". Saddam is either dead or injured and apparently exerting no control over his battered war machine. I look on soberly, knowing that soon I will begin training to join the attacking army that has unleashed this shockingly effective wave of destruction. I am joining an organization that exists to bring destruction and death to its enemies. My anxiety is slightly mitigated by the fact that I my job will be to provide emergency medical care. I am going to be protecting life in the valley of death. It's comfortingly contrary.
Did I say I was anxious? I am worried but I am also proud and excited. I have gone from being appalling unproductive to being a soldier, (beware! cliched marketing speech follows!) an army of one. Even better, I won't be an army of destruction, but an army of life and hope.
Somebody please stop me next time I wax poetic.

New Day

I have never felt as much urgency to live my life with purpose as I do now. I feel as if every action, even to what I watch on television, has a significant influence on my future. I feel as if up to this point I had been pretending, wasting my time and other people's money; I was just playing - having a good time at everyone elses expense. Now, I will be responsible for other people's safety - in fact responsible for the safety of the world. I have a grand purpose now and as a result my lesser goals feel less frivolous, less randomly chosen. I am proud to be in the Army.

In The Army Now!

I swore in to the Army yesterday around 3:30 pm.

Peace, Peace, But There Is ...

My biggest beef with those who oppose action in Iraq and cry for peace is that they have no alternative solutions. I'd willingly back any effective solution not involving war. Shoot, I'd even back the one proposed by Jonathan Alter. It's a little crazy but it is extremely bold. (I like that!) It won't happen because there isn't anyone in the UN or in the peace movement with the brains and boldness to actually carry out a real solution. The peace movement is irrelevant just like the UN.

One Hour, ten minutes and Counting down

It's my fifth day at Robert Hill Middle School and I am sure the kids are itchin to be gone on sprin break. I am itching to get home but not glad that sprin break is here, since I can't work when they are not in school. I am hot tired and harried. I have endured a litle over five hours of screaming children and juvenile cajoling for things a teacher wouldn't normally give them. The last class shall feel my wrath.
I was watching college hoops last night and I really feel for the kid on the Kansas St. team who traveled with 1.8 seconds to go to give Colorado the ball back in position to hit the winning basket. I am sure if I had played college ball something similar would have happened.
I am desperately thirsty. :-p

Day 4 of the Robert Hill Experiment

Yesterday I stayed late to prevent a school yard bully from pounding one of my students into a pulp when he disembarked from his bus. The principal eventually took pity on him and drove him home. I hope to have the issue resolved today.
This morning I got to school early, for only the second time in my teaching career. It was odd. I hung out briely in the teacher's lounge and eavesdropped on the conversation there: "A hundred ad sixty dollars a week for daycare! I am in the wrong business. If I didn't hate kids so much I'd start a daycare." Teachers have a interesting way of querying whose class a substitute is working in: "Who are you today?"; "He's been Ms. Soandso all week now." Subbing is nothing if not entertaining.

Day 3 of The Robert Hill Experiment

On my morning stroll from the bus stop this morning I saw a middle school girl pursued through a residential neighborhood by a police officer. I kept right on truckin'. I have since learned to ignore the protestations of young children. I am wondrously well fed today, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed. I want to say because certain of my readers feel slighted (my roommate) that my hunger this week has bee a result of poor planning on my part. I could eat better if I'd just think ahead.
I think I am beginning to really understand how to control a classroom, which now that I have said that guarantees my seventh period class will be an absolute madhouse. Teachers in Dallas public schools displine children with threats, detention, extra homework, and referrals to the principals office. I used to write lots of referrals but I understand that referrals are like a police officer's gun. One is doing a ood job when he doesn't need to use it.

Robert Hill Middle School Day 2

If I was any more tired and hungry I think I would die. I ate sumptuously at my paren't house last night, but didn't sleep till round 2 AM this morning. I got up at 7:00 AM (late as usual) and rushed out the door. I did manage to eat a bowl of cereal in the 35 minutes it took me to shower and dress, but I feel just the same as if I had skipped breakfast. I think next time I'l have to find something higher calorie. Lunch will be worse. I didn't have the foresight to check what was available last night and all I could find in the freezer this morning were frozen non-microwavable beef pot pies. Not good at all. I can see I have a looong day ahead of me.

Bobby Knight

He's an ornery cuss, but I think one has to respect him.

Back to School

It's an odd time to be going back to school (it is the week before spring break) but I haven't substituted since Thanksgiving and it actually feels good to be doing it again. I had reams of substantive writing to do but for the life of me I can't remember what about.
My biggest worry currently is vanity. This whole model thing is going to my head. It is increasingly difficult to be objective about how I look when the job entails people constantly telling me how good I look. I must say however that I am drop dead gorgeous.
My next biggest worry is food. It would be a little easier if had money and other people weren't always buying my food but alas, I dine on my roommates supply of Snack Ramen which is very nutritious indeed. (70% of the recommended daily value for cholestrol and no protein or vitamins!) I ate a granola bar for breakfast and for lunch I grabbed a Michelina's brand microwave dinner. YUM! Maintaining a healthy diet is going to be a challenge to say the least.
This blog post was brought to you courtesy of Jesse D. Barnes who provided me with transportation to this substituting assignment.

Sudden Insight

I came to the realization the other day that I am completely for the death penalty in principle but I would have great difficulty ever administering it in our current legal system. I belive that no one should ever be convicted of a crime and punished unless there is no doubt that he is guilty. The people or person deciding should be certain that he and no one else commited the crime. Yet we not only send people who are innocent to jail, we also execute them. Obviously, something is fundamentally wrong with our system. I believe what is wrong is that the courts have passed the point of information saturation and reached a point of information irrelevance and disinformation. Technology has advanced so far that we are able to collect thousands of pieces of data, but sadly the ability of the decision makers to parse the data has not kept stride. Courts often call in experts but usually in the form of expert witnesses. These witnesses have been called because they will support one side of the case. In the end judges and jurors are left to choose not based on evidence but on credibilty or from the preponderance of data presented by one side which is really a function of resources. That is to say, the side with the most money wins.
The adversarial system of law is broken. It is engineered to produce justice from competion. Two sides compete and it is hoped that justice will prevail. Justice cannot prevail unless the competitors are competing to ensure justice. Lawyers now compete only to win. This leaves judges and jurors to sort out the mess wiht fewer resources than the lawyers. What is needed is limits for expenditure by either side in civil and criminal preceedings and no limits on what can be spent by judges to illuminate the case using impartial expertise. Power needs to be taken from the combatants and given to the referee. Bingo! Justice is served.

My Plan for my Life

I am very carefully considering various career options and my problem is that too many paths lie before me and no impetus pushing me toward one or the other.
• I could teach. It would be hugely rewarding; I’d be giving back to the community and I like dealing with children. The downside is that I don’t want to teach very long (two years at most).
• I could join the military. It would be cool in that I could have a job title that included the word “badass”. I could learn Mandarin Chinese, practice kung fu, shoot big guns, learn covert ops, wear a uniform, pick up chicks, get money to go back to school, and travel the world. The fine print is that any job title that included the word “badass” in it would also have an increased likelihood of getting shot by a guy named “Fahd” who hates all American bastards (maybe I could tell him I’m Nigerian?) or I could just suffer one of any number of horrible fates like the ones we see in the movies (getting vaporized, tortured, dismembered, maimed, poisoned, stabbed, crushed, or beaten). All the while, I’d live by strict rules with people who (by many accounts) are mostly idiots and answer to men who tell me that my name is “Maggot”.
• I could continue to look for a job programming. The upside is that I really like programming. So much so, that on several occasions I ended up doing other people’s school programming projects for the sheer hell of it. (I used to lock myself in my bedroom and write code into the wee hours of the morning, decide the code wasn’t good enough, throw it away and start over the next day.) The downside is that the market is tight and employers are only hiring people with Masters degrees, years of experience, or perfect 4.0 GPA’s to go along with their undergraduate Computer Science degrees. I have none of those things. (I do have a degree but it turns out all the job applicants do and I am not special. I want to be special!)
• I could go back to school. I like hanging out there and everybody’s doing it. I could get a degree in literature and try for a higher GPA this time around. I could try out again for soccer, (the very thought makes my feet itch) prepare for grad school, get a teaching certificate, maybe even brush up on my Spanish. The downside is that I am already approaching 24 in June. I would be in danger of becoming a career student.
So there you have it. I’d say that I am at a fork in the road but really I think it looks like spokes on a wheel. All of them lead in completely different paths and I keep trying to do all of them. It’s enough to make a guy crazy.
P.S. if You're reading this Jen, Yes, I stole the last two posts from an email I wrote you. It's a bad habit which I promise to quit when I stop writing email at 4 am.

I Hate The UN Because

1. Every country in the world is a member. Saddam Hussein and Slobodan Milosevic murdered thousands of their countrymen yet neither Iraq nor Yugoslavia had its membership suspended. These countries were allowed to send representatives despite obvious despotism and corruption.
2. America pays for everything. This is bad because other countries have no incentive to cooperate and no stake in the outcome. People always learn to resent those who give them the most money. People DO bite the hand that feeds them.
3. The UN never acts. The solution is always more conversation, diplomacy, treaties, and inaction disguised as international cooperation. The organization is a SHAM. People died in Africa because Kofi Annan wouldn’t intervene in Angola. (Ironic, since he is African.) People died in Yugoslavia. People are dying in Iraq and will die in large numbers if Saddam is not eliminated. I have no confidence in the UN to stand up and act when action is necessary. Justice has no friends at the UN. Other countries use the UN as an extended platform for national politics and a forum to shout down the “ugly Americans”. The UN is an organ of ridicule, a “whited sepulcher”, an anachronism. I hate the UN.

Weekend

Weekends, weekdays - they are all the same to me now. Well, other than the fact that on the weekends my roommates are home. Friday night I suffered great embarassment in the name of friendship. I am hoping that my experience strenghtens my hand in the ongoing friendly verbal skirmish. I have the sneaking suspicion that it won't as much as I had hoped. Certain people refused to be ashamed.
I am a little ashamed. Someone gave Walt and me expensive tickets to the Stars game last night, featuring no less than a hockey demi-god, Mario Lemiuex. I had the temerity to doze off. I thought it was a wonderful game and I am a Stars fan. I just find it difficult to get worked up over anything less than playoff hockey. It just doesn't seem to mean a lot and I barely understand the game to begin with. :-p
About those pictures, I should post them sooner or later. I know ya'll are just dying to see them.