Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you and yours!
Umm by the way, unless the Army is willing to relax its strict rules of behavior and allow shenanigans like what is depicted in Starship Troopers (co-ed showers, sex in the tents) I am very much not in favor of women in the infantry. I'll explain what brought this up another time.

stuff not to send a soldier

My platoon has been getting a lot of packages because of the time of year and we appreciate the sentiment and the good things the people of America have sent us. Some things have been cause for head scratching or bemused laughter. For instance, if the address says anything about "Infantry Regiment", "Inf.", or anything resembling the word "Infantry" feminine hygiene products will not be appreciated. We feel much the same way about vitamin supplements meant for women, and magazines like "Redbook" aimed at an older female audience. Men in an infantry line company really do not care to read about why Julianne Moore believes that no one should get plastic surgery. (We would tend to believe that many people are in dire need of immediate emergency plastic surgery, but that's just us.)

Also don't send us water. I am amazed that the water survived the trip without springing a leak but, a single bottle of water is a mockery more than anything else. If the Army can deliver my mail I am sure it can deliver sufficient quantities of water also. Now that I have told you not to send water, I am sure we will have a shortage and I will be forced to drink water from the open sewers in the street. No matter, what does not kill me sends me home early.

I can't think of anything else you shouldn't send offhand but I'll let you know when something occurs to me.

Merry Christmas

In case I don't see you again. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

By the way, visit www.desertoutkast.com, make PFC Gonzo happy too this Christmas.

I'd be happy if he'd just take down that stupid picture of me sleeping.

In case we don't meet again

Rampant consumerism aside I wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Christmas isn't about the stuff you get or the money you spend or the places you go or what you do when you get there. Christmas should be about the people you spend the birthday of Christ with. I apologize to the atheists out there. Atheists should feel free to spend Christmas concentrating on getting more stuff.

No more homilies in this space till next year.

More Stuff

I have had a couple of days to think about it and I wanted to add a few more things to my list. Of course, when I get done, Santa will have to airlift everything I want in a C130 but I have needs.

• a Special Operations Medical Backpack $159.99 at http://www.rangerjoes.com/ (in Black please) I have to feed my not so well hidden aspiration to be in Special Ops.
• the next 12 copies of Maxim magazine, because you can't get Playboy in Iraq.
• one jumbo size bottle of hand/body lotion, my skin is extremely dry.
• a time machine, I need some way to make this year pass faster. Of course if I had one the Army would immediately confiscate it in the interest of national security.
• a motorcycle.
• a full body cast, in anticipation of the massive vehicular accident that I will likely have the first time I ride the motorcycle.
• illegal drugs, so I can numb the pain. (If you really attempt to send me illegal drugs I will fly to your location and beat you senseless. If I can't get pornography what makes you think I can get drugs?)
• a Papa John's pizza with extra cheese, Italian sausage, and jalapenos. Frozen? Maybe they could just send me a kit with instructions on how to assemble the whole thing and then I could attempt bake it over a campfire. There is no limit to what a determined soldier might attempt.
• An Xbox, because nobody will send me one despite the fact that I have oodles of money in the bank. (Oodles is a word I define as more than I am accustomed to having due to my normal spending habits)

That's all for now. I'll be waiting impatiently I promise.

More Stuff

I was reading the list of stuff I asked for, and realized that there was no reason I should stop there. I mean I asked for world peace so I might as well try for a couple of new XBox games or something.

In addition to world peace, brotherly love, and well being for all I decided I also want:

• A Pony.
• A big house with a pool. (I'll need it to store the stuff I am going to ask for)
• A vacation to Disney World.
• A baby grand piano. I don't play but I'll learn.
• An electric guitar. See above statement.
• A drum set. See above statement.
• An Alienware Gaming Desktop computer system. I like computers, especially funky alien shaped computers.
• Smallville season three DVD. I already asked for this once. If I have to do it again heads will roll.
• Season three of 24 on DVD. I kind missed this season what with training and deploying for Iraq and all.
• The Dave Chappelle show on DVD. I want this mostly so third squad leader can stop bugging me about borrowing DVD's I have already broken.
• Season three of The Shield on DVD. I don't know if this available but I had to ask you know, I'm on a roll.
• Season three of Friends. I have this weird quirk - I only watch the third season of any TV show.
• Nine pairs of Nomex tactical gloves or Nomex aviator gloves. I destroy like one pair of these a month, so I figure that nine will get me through the rest of the deployment.
• More to come later!

Christmas list continued

Where was I? I think I had just left off with the car. I also want:

• A Tablet PC that can play DVD's and burn CD's. Everybody else has them! I just want to have the same things as all the cool kids.
• Bi-pod legs compatible with a picatinny rail system. My platoon sergeant just got some and they are super cool. You never have to use a sandbag to support your M4 at qualifying again. Of course I would also need an M4.
• My own domain name. You can't be hip unless you have you own your-name.com . All the cool kids have this I swear.
• The Rosetta Stone Arabic Level 1 Language Program. I can't be an international super spy until I have mastered a difficult foreign language and Arabic is the language of the month at Oprah's linguist club.
• 100 pounds of Ramen Noodles. I am hungry.
• 100 pounds of spiced Beef Jerky. I am very hungry.
• A new wardrobe in case I come home on leave. If I come home right now I will be forced to spend the entire time in a nudist colony.
• A weight bench. I recently benched 245 lbs. - the most I have ever lifted in my life - but we lost our weight bench. I stay in shape by doing calisthenics in the wee hours of the morning when I am pulling guard.
• Summer desert combat boots. Supply mistakenly gave me two sets of winter boots and I can't wear one pair because they are too small.
• Final Draft 7 screen writing software. Instead of selling the movie rights to Warner Bros. I am going to write and direct the compelling story of my adventures in Iraq myself.
• World Peace.

Merry Christmas!

All I want for Christmas

All I really want for Christmas is to be home. Unfortunately the only way I'll be home this Christmas is in my dreams. That failing I have a list of things I want.

• A Casio G-shock Watch. I have destroyed no less than 5 watches since I was told that I would be deploying to Iraq.
• A warranty for my XBox. I have destroyed nearly $300 in Xbox equipment since I have been in in country.
• Warm weather. It has been absurdly frigid in our location and I am told it will continue to be so for the forseeable future.
• A Nissan 350Z. Do I really need to explain this one?
• Matching chrome plated 9 millimeter hand guns. I have just grown accustomed to the feel of the gun and I want to be able to accessorize with my watch.
• Time is up. More later

Out on the street with my peeps

So I was on patrol just the other day when we met this crowd of Iraqi children. When we see children they tend to clamor for whatever trinkets we carry and we usually give them pens, coloring books, or whatever school supplies we have on hand. Candy is not recommended but sometimes we do it anyway. Usually, the kids won't accept the candy. I began asking the kids their names and trying to converse with them using the limited Arabic I have learned during my tour. One child completely floored me when he read my name off the front of my flak vest, no mean feat considering how much difficulty native English speakers have pronouncing my name. I immediately turned and pointed at another soldier's name. The kid read the name with no difficulty. He didn't speak English as well but his sense of humor translated just fine. With the pen we had given him less than 2 seconds ago he wrote on his hand in English "Ali Baba" - Arabic G.I. slang, as in "Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves".

Let me be the first to tell those of you at home who don't know yet, it gets cold in Iraq. I can't tell you how ironic it is to be wearing a jacket when you are staring at palm trees. I always wondered why they made us pack cold weather gear.

Somebody send me season 3 of Smallville! I acknowledge that I can't eat it but the box that it comes in might be kind of tasty.

Idahosa Edokpayi

Can anyone understand the mystery that is Africa?

Can anyone hope to survive her jungles unscathed and soul intact?

Can anyone look upon her people and not be moved?

Can anyone understand the mystery that is Africa?

Posting by email

I am trying a fairly new feature in Blogger that allows users to post by email. I had some lame sentimental rhymes I had wanted to post but I failed to write them down immediately and the poetry disappeared. Maybe next time.

Any Citizen

Lately, we've been receiving letters addressed to any soldier. I am replying to any citizen who cares to read.

Dear Citizen,
Thank you for your letters of support and the numerous packages you send our way. Your support makes our war effort possible. The cookies fill the stomachs of the soldiers who receive them and the letters fill their hearts. We laugh with delight when your children write us and study the pictures they draw and the photographs you send with intense interest. Soldiers amuse themselves by responding to your correspondence and even if you receive no response do not assume that your letter was not appreciated. Our duties sometimes make us forget our manners but we never forget your gifts and letters.
There are those of you who question our involvement in Iraq and wish us to come home immediately. Most soldiers would tell you this is impossible. We believe that we are here because we must be here. Our involvement is necessary for your safety, for the safety of the world. Whatever the reasons that soldiers originally entered Iraq, soldiers must stay now for the good of all involved. We are here planting the seeds of freedom in Iraq just as the first American soldiers planted them in America so long ago. Even if we could be persuaded to abandon the work we have started we could not leave. To leave would be to disgrace the blood of our brothers in arms who have died or been maimed fighting here before us. We have to make their sacrifice worthwhile.
Citizen, don't know me, you will probably never meet me but if you read what I have written and understand the sentiment behind my words you will have done me a great service. Thank you.

SPC Idaho Edokpayi 1-503rd INF REGT US Army

Simple Pleasures

Idahosa is a happy soldier today because he just took a shower and is going to take another in a few short minutes. The warm spray of a strong shower head over filthy skin is a dramatically sensual experience when one has been taking cold showers for 3 months. Add hot chow and life just does not get better.
Have I said anything about how the Army gets too little good press and the Marines get way too much? I'd say more but...
Somebody just destroyed my month old Xbox while I was out dodging bullets. I hate people sometimes. If I could find that person, I would personally ensure that they suffered a horrible, agonizing death involving clever misuse of medical equipment and the blunt end of a 9mm Beretta. I am a medic after all.
By the way, here's a note to all the girls out there just dying to hook up with a soldier: if you get within ten feet of an infantryman in any branch of the service you will get pregnant instantly. I promise.

War is Hell

There is a joke going around that Time magazine has voted the installation currently housing the 1-503rd is the worst place to live in the world. The problem with the joke is that any reporter visiting from Time magazine would be blown to smithreens, shot, or kidnapped before he ever actually walked in the gate.
I have a few projects in mind with regard to this blog. I plan to get some web space and get a domain name. I also plan to get a digital camera so you can see me win the war in Iraq single handedly or rather so you can see me pose for silly pictures with bewildered Iraqi children. What this means for the blog in its current incarnation is nothing. Even when I start the new website I will still be posting to this blog. The new website will be this blog, just on steroids. I like self-promotion over the internet.
Life in Iraq is well, life in Iraq. It sucks. It sucks a lot. We just installed electricity and I saw the CO building a shower behind the building so things are looking up. Hot chow has been more regular lately, I might stop losing weight. I also took a shower today so I am feeling extremely chipper.
Send food.
(I can't eat money.)

Lame Poetry

Does absence make the heart grow fonder,
Or does it make one prone to wander?
Through the distance can two souls reach and touch
Or do suspicious minds demand too much?
Can loneliness poison, leave us in pain,
Prevent us from seeing what we have to gain?
It seems that man will never learn:
To yearn is to blunder; to desire is to burn.
Love is tragedy; life is love; the end comes faster;
And all is unmitigated, beautiful disaster.
The common everyday emotional attachments
Are just snares, entrapment.
Don't try to escape, don't deny your need!
Join me in folly; this I plead.
In the end love is impossible.
Yet at the same time, love is unstoppable.

I am prone to write dumb poetry when I spend a lot of time on guard by myself.
I've got big plans, just not a lot of time to talk about them. Watch this space. I'll be back.

Going Places

If you don't hear from me don't worry. I am going to be at a location nearby where I cannot post to the blog for a while. In the meantime, go vote! Today's election will be the most important election to take place in my lifetime and could directly impact how long I stay in Iraq and whether I will have to go back. Those of you who know me well know how I would have you vote, but I don't want to go any further because I don't want to possibly insult the future Commander in Chief.
I am actually leaving in two hours so I'll have to cut this short.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!
From a guy who never went trick or treating as a kid.

Who are these people?

So I am receiving even more mail from people who apparently are visiting this blog. It's touching really it is. I am always amazed that people are interested in what I have to say.
Life around the FOB (Forward Operating Base if memory serves) is actually relaxed for once. At least it is when I am not being wrestled to the ground and cuffed by members of my own platoon. It could have been worse, the last medic was bound and stuffed in a box, a prank known in platoon history as "Doc In a Box". I would have killed someone before I let that happen. I am not angry really. They did the same thing to our Platoon Leader not long ago. No one is immune, except the Platoon Sergeant. I am sending out a warning. I will have my revenge. I am different from medics past. Those involved should sleep with an eye open.

Grammar police

I am expecting a visitation of the Grammar Police at any moment due to numerous miscues in the last few posts. When people start reading, I start proofreading and start wondering how much it would cost to hire an editor. This is from a kid who once boasted on a college application that he could teach 98% of graduating high school seniors something about English.
To my audience, (you know who you are, all 2 of you) thanks for reading; you keep me honest. Well at least you make me check my spelling.

What we all fear most

Silence is the most ominous thing a military family can hear.

MSNBC - Reservists refuse mission in Iraq

The military might be downplaying the seriousness of what these 19 people did but I know that if 19 people in my platoon did what these people did that the powers that be would rain hell-fire and brimstone on our location for days. I hope that they were justified and that the media can rescue them. Because not even God will help you if you disobey the US Army without good reason.
MSNBC - Reservists refuse mission in Iraq