6.23.2005

More Introspective Claptrap

I was navel-gazing recently and I realized that there was one aspect of my trip home that I didn't enjoy as much as I could have - the never ending quest for female companionship. I didn't miss out completely now, but I think I could have done better.
Like most males my age, I primarily seek out shallow, short lived relationships with women. There are men that are happy with that. I don't know that I can be. Men brag about the number of women they are seeing and how beautiful all their potential mates are, but I don't think that men honestly place that much importance on a woman's physical attractiveness. What men do consider to be important is their status in the eyes of other men. Men seek approval from other men of the women they date. There are women that many men would be perfectly happy with if not for fear of the disapproval of their friends.
My argument is an oversimplification, the reasons men seek out beautiful women are slightly more complex than what I have said, but I think that peer pressure is out there. Men put their friends under pressure to meet girls and meet only girls that they approve of.
I also think that another problem is that approaching a woman for a one night stand is easier than trying to find long term intimacy. Seriously, I could see myself approaching a women and saying casually "I think you and me should hit the hay." (and given my charm and shattering good looks women just might say "ok!") How do you ask for a meaningful, longlasting relationship and where do you find girls who want the same? I can't exactly see myself approaching a woman and saying, "I think you and I should have a meaningful, longlasting relationship."
Then of course, it isn't like my lifestyle is conducive to meeting girls in the first place. Women don't seem to like it when you only come around two weeks every year.
I am seriously amazed that anybody ever gets married.

6.22.2005

Talking and not saying anything

I am going to continue this blog's habit of studiously avoiding saying anything substantive about what it is that happens here in Iraq, but oblique hints at upcoming events will start appearing at alarming frequency.
For instance, there is the subject of my upcoming return to "The land of the Free and the Home of the Brave", as opposed to the "Land of the Scared and the Home of the Enslaved" where I am currently residing. The 1-503D INF REGT is coming home to state the issue baldly. I just can't say when exactly, but I will point out that we arrived last year in August and the majority of combat tours in the Army last approximately a year. When you also consider the fact that (unsubstantiated by any official statistics) that the 1-503D has suffered the most casualties of any similar sized element in the military, you might think that my colleagues and I deserve a little break.
The problem of course is that nothing I say is official, and the Army reserves the right to do anything they feel is necessary. For example, tomorrow the Department of the Army might find it necessary to send this blogger for a one year tour in Antartica, where medics are desperately needed. It is entirely within the realm of possibility.
If compromised, I will deny all knowledge of this communication and this blog will self-destruct.

6.20.2005

The Quest to Look Better Naked

I am not starting any new fitness challenges, but I am looking to get in super condition for my trip to Hawaii and after that Las Vegas. All the women I met who cared to comment were very appreciative of the work I did before my visit to Dallas. However, that is no longer enough. I have to look better next time. I didn't measure, but I am pretty sure that I failed to meet my target waist measurement of 32". I am also short of my target max bench press, 300 lbs. There is a workout I saw in "Men's Health" that I wanted to try but required the purchase or acquisition of Chuck Taylor All Star's. I would have gotten them while I was home but I was too busy making sure that all the women in sight were able to fully enjoy all the work I had done in the gym. They at least knew they had the option, anyhow.
It's not just about impressing the ladies now either. It's become a competition. With my unit's time in Iraq coming to and end, other soldiers are working out also and one must maintain bragging rights in the weight room. I came back and heard stories of how other medics have suddenly started bench pressing 300 lbs out of the clear blue. Clearly, a great deal of pride is at stake. So I return to the gym with increased intensity. Besides, it not like there is anything better to do. The one good thing about being in bored in Iraq, is that it has a handy side benefit - one often ends up looking really great naked.

Love and innocence

The thing that surprises me most about myself, that even with my limited experience with relationships with the opposite sex, I have already lost my ability to fall in love innocently. I already distrust women so much that I am unable to give myself completely to a woman just because it feels right. I will never experience "love at first sight". It's a shame that young people have already experienced or witnessed so many dysfunctional relationships by the time they are the marrying age that marriage looks distasteful.
I suppose it all goes back to what I did while I was home and dissatisfaction with my lack of female companionship. I had fun, don't get me wrong, but when I blame the transience of my relationships with women on my transient lifestyle I get the feeling that I am copping out. It's not that I don't want more than a one night stand or passing friendship. I just don't know how to go about getting more. I don't know how to ask for it.

6.19.2005

The Texas I-35 Party tour

Should you ever find yourself in Texas, you might wonder what there is to see and do after 10 pm. I was in Texas a week ago and I wondered the same thing. I did extensive research and the following post is a summary of my findings. Houston was not included to save time and gas, the other three major cities in Texas are all accessible from I-35. Houston is a side trip I'll save for another time.
I'll start with Dallas. The night life in Dallas doesn't start until Tuesday, although I suppose one could find a cozy little meet-market in Addison off the Dallas North Tollway Monday night. Tuesday nights are beach volleyball league night at Jack's Pub on Hall St. off I-75 in the Uptown neighborhood. I would go to ogle the pretty girls in beach volleyball wear and drink beer. Girls could come to scope out the shirtless men in board shorts. The volleyball is just an excuse.
Wednesday night means Carson's Live in Addison at Trinity Mills and the Tollway in Addison or Cowboy's in Arlington at 360 and Abrams. Carson's has a weekly beauty pageant involving women in bikinis and evening wear. Cowboy's has a raucous college night and various contests involving half-dressed college age contestants.
Thursday and Friday nights were a crapshoot for me. The second week I was in town, I partied in Austin and San Antonio on those nights. I hear Deep Ellum (take 75 south into downtown and take the Live Oak exit west) isn't bad on Friday. The first Thursday I went to this place called Uropa in Deep Ellum. My experience there got off on the wrong foot when an underage hottie tried to seduce me into buying her and a girlfriend rum and coke. Moral dilemmas do not a good evening make. The wet t-shirt contest helped a little though.
Saturday nights, social climbers should make their way to a place called the Obar. Supposedly, that is where DFW's social elite go to see and be seen. I went with some new friends I made and drank myself under the bar. I did notice that the crowd there is of the fashion model look-a-like variety. I saw a lot of exceeding tall people in expensive clothing.
Once party-goers tire of Dallas night life they should jump in their rental car (but only after an appropriate interval to allow their hangover to subside) and make their way to Austin. On the way, I recommend a pit stop in Hillsboro, TX and the Lone Star Cafe. Lone Star Cafe is a chain restaurant in Texas with an open bar and down home cooking. I especially recommend the cheese cake chimichangas. Once in Austin, astute party people should stay in the Super-Eight motel nearly directly across I-35 from Sixth Street. The motel is not only within walking distance of the "Live Music Capital" of the nation; it's cheap too. I have to admit that I don't frequent Austin's live music venues when I visit. I am more interested in the fact that Austin residents supposedly consume more alcohol in public then any other city in the country. (I got that tidbit from a popular men's magazine, my limited personal experience does support the fact that Austin drinks more than any town I've seen) I go to Austin to hit on the drunken college girls.
The only reason San Antonio isn't the best place to party in Texas is that Austin is an hour and half north. The River Walk is lined with pubs and clubs with enough variety to please the youthful population of military personnel and college students. The local industry is "hospitality". My favorite place to go in town is Polly Esther's.
Sunday night party people should perhaps try to sleep off their hangovers. Or one could see if Club Babalu (McKinney Ave in Dallas's Uptown neighborhood) is still the best place to salsa in DFW. I leave the choice up to you.

6.11.2005

Party like a sailor on leave

I used the word "sailor" in the title but soldiers party hard too. Which is what I have been doing. Leave has been great, to sum it up without getting into detail.
At this moment I am in San Antonio after visiting Fort Sam Houston for old time's sake. I discovered that they actually have the video of my interview with CNN - if you can even call it that. Two years ago, when I was in AIT, CNN produced a segment on 91W, my MOS. The Army has always had medics, but 91W was a new MOS designation made from a combination of two of the old MOS's, 91B and 91C. 91B were "combat medics" - they were always assigned to combat units. 91C worked exclusively in clinics and hospitals. The Army reorganized them both into one MOS and called everybody "combat medics" (the official language is "Healthcare specialist").
So one day in class, CNN showed up with camera crews and started asking questions. Another soldier and I stayed behind to answer a few more questions. The Command Sergeant Major of MEDCOM, the highest ranking enlisted soldier in the medical field, was on hand watching and was so impressed that she gave both of us her "challenge coin". CNN came back later and shot footage of me leading other soldiers on a patrol during our one week field exercise.
In the actual video, I don't say anything other than "Move! Lets move!" But I look cool doing it.

5.28.2005

Congressional meddling with military matters

It often surprises me how far from reality the people in charge are from the day to day reality of running the military. By the phrase "people in charge" I mean Congress and by "day to day reality" I mean the fact that the Army isn't doing so well in recruitment. Despite the known difficulty the Army is having recruiting new soldiers Congress wants to pass a law limiting the role of women in combat.
I take no stance on whether women should be allowed in combat (right now). What I am taking a stance on is the practical matter of having enough soldiers. Congress wants to exclude women from a host of "combat" roles and prevent women from being assigned to anything smaller than a brigade sized element (if my admittedly hasty reading of the news is correct). I get my news from week old newspapers so this calamity may have already come to pass but I want to everybody reading that women are mission critical tactical assets. The only way for us to have enough soldiers is if women shoulder a large portion of the load. Without getting into specific numbers on troop strength, suffice it to say that entire battalion sized elements (approximately 700 troops) would have to be drastically restructured.
The legislation must not be allowed to pass.
Besides we like having women around. Can you blame us?

Today is the day

The only way I could be more excited is if I was getting married. I go on leave today and I am practically on cloud nine.
I'll post an after picture for the 1000 crunch challenge ASAP. I did crunches with near religious fervor for twenty days, but I don't know if there is a visible difference. However, my abdomen is very strong now.
Happy trails!

5.24.2005

3 Days...

If I don't leave this place soon, I think I shall go stark raving mad. I am excited, elated, and ebullient when I think of leave. I am also becoming increasingly desperate. Perhaps my state of mind is my own fault but it seems that the stress is almost always worse right before it is going to be relieved. I mentioned that "amazing things" were taking place here in Iraq. Well "amazing" work can cause stress.
I need a vacation. A year long vacation. 14 days will have to do.

5.22.2005

I hate OPSEC

We are doing some really amazing things out here. And by "we" I mean other people while I stand by with my mouth agape watching. The problem is that I don't dare mention specifics now. I mean amazing things are happening and I don't even feel comfortable telling my Mom over the phone.

5.19.2005

Eight days!

I started this post just before midnight my time and it was going to be titled "Nine Days!" I was also going to say something cute about this being the story of a girl who looked so sad in photographs... (No cool points for naming this band, it's too easy.)
Let us talk of something else other than my impending arrival in the states.(eight days! I mean eight days! Are you excited? Can you tell I am excited?) We could discuss bioethics, for instance.
Scientists in South Korea (familiar territory for me) have recently discovered ways to speed creation of stem cells. These men and women have opened up the biggest can of worms in science today. Stem cell research on new stem cell lines has been banned in the United States. To understand the debate you must understand what stem cells are and their huge potential. My definition is taken from the National Institute of Health's website.


Stem cells have the remarkable potential to develop into many different cell types in the body. Serving as a sort of repair system for the body, they can theoretically divide without limit to replenish other cells as long as the person or animal is still alive. When a stem cell divides, each new cell has the potential to either remain a stem cell or become another type of cell with a more specialized function, such as a muscle cell, a red blood cell, or a brain cell.

In layman's terms that means that means that stem cells are magic. In effect, scientists hope to one day make little pills or an injection that would heal injuries like Wolverine does in comic books. Really. Stem cells are of special interest to people with damage to their central nervous system - Parkinson's disease, spinal cord injuries, etc - because ordinarily nerve cells never grow back. Scientists hope that stem cells can grow to replace any cell in the body.
The problem with stem cell research is that to collect stem cells you usually have to destroy an embryo to do so. If you believe that abortion is ok, then by all means destroy away. However, if you believe that abortion is evil, heinous, wicked, and just a plain wrong thing to do, destroying embryos would definitely leave you with a guilty conscience. (I happen to think that abortion is wrong.)
The policy of allowing no stem cell research to be conducted on new cells was great for keeping me and the abortion crowd happy - no tiny babies were harmed by our drug - but stifled promising research - Christopher Reeves couldn't get doctors to grow him a new spinal cord in a test tube.
The technique used by the South Korean scientists could raise some other interesting issues as well. A cursory glance at the article makes me think that the Koreans did something that looks suspiciously like cloning. They created embryos that were a "genetic match" from skin cells and donor egg cells with no DNA information. Sounds like cloning to me, but I am not a geneticist or even a biologist. The scientists involved ruled out any possibility of cloning humans, noting that animal trials yielded more failures than successes. As a rule, most people are against human cloning; however, in unscrupulous hands, who is to say that it couldn't be done?
So do we allow the research? What's wrong and right in this situation? I am of the belief that evil never begets good. Well intentioned evil is still evil - one should never do something wrong in the process of doing a good thing. But in the face of what stem cells could do for mankind... I really want to close my eyes and say "Destroy those babies!" Luckily, I am not in charge.
No tiny babies were harmed in the making of this blog.

5.11.2005

Freak Dancing and the finer points thereof

I am going on leave soon and as a male of a certain age and certain inclinations I like to hit the dance floor on Friday and Saturday nights and my mind has begun to dwell on the topic of "freak dancing". If you don't know what freak dancing is you need to watch "Beauty Shop"and fast forward to the scene with Alicia Silverstone dancing in it. The only thing I have to say in reference to that scene is "Whoa".
Watching Silverstone's performance brought back many fond memories for me. There was the time in AIT with the drunk soldier who handled the family jewels after telling me that she thought I was "too cool"; as a substitute teacher when I caught two students freak dancing in the back of the class; and on spring break once with this one girl who had a special gift for the freak dance (I don't know how to describe it in a PG-13 way other than to say OH MY GOD).
Honestly, freak dancing is simulated sex on the dance floor. I totally understand why so many people are so strongly against freak dancing. A cursory google search brings up some interesting stories: Public High schools banning freak dancing, concerned feminists speaking out against overtly sexual dances, and rebellious teens organizing semi-orgiastic unchaperoned dance parties. Shoot, in Waco, Texas, Baylor University had banned all forms of dancing until recently. Now, they only disallow lewd gyrations.
Well, in 19 days I hope to do some "lewd gyrations" of my own.

5.08.2005

1000 crunch challenge

I was reading Muscle and Fitness magazine the other day and I saw an interview with Ryan Reynolds about the training he did to get in shape for Blade Trinity and he said that he did 1000-1250 crunches or crunch variations every day. I don't know if you have seen the movie and I can't find any pictures of his midsection but the dude is jacked. I am jealous. I mean even scrawny comedians are in better shape than I am. What the...?
I have 20 days till I go home on leave and every day until I leave I am going to do 1000 crunch or crunch variations. So there. Before and after's will be posted at A Thousand Words.

Behold the competition.


Ryan Reynolds

5.04.2005

Saddam's lobbyist is dead

Edward von Kloberg III used to do some lobbying work for the world's leading despots including yours and my favorite dictator, Saddam Hussein. He leaped to his death from a window in a castle in Europe.

5.01.2005

You might be a POG

Civilians tend to think everybody in the military leads a rough life and spread their sympathy accordingly. I am here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. The military can easily be separated into two groups of people: "grunts" and "pogs". Grunts hate pogs and pogs despise grunts. Grunts think that pogs are silly and weak; pogs think that grunts stupid and brutish. Neither group is entirely right.
Grunts lead lives that lend credence to the quote by Thomas Hobbes:
The life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
Grunts generally hold combat MOS's (Military Occupational Specialty) and tend to absorb the majority of casualties. Usually grunts are infantry. I have lived with grunts and have been an honorary grunt for a while. Being a grunt sucks. No, you simply don't understand, being a grunt sucks. Grunts stink, fart, curse, tell inappropriate sexual jokes, and did I mention they stink? There is a reason for the smell and the cursing - life as a grunt can be unbelievably hard. Grunts have an incredible capacity for suffering. Grunts will go without food, sleep, and water for hours. I have personally known grunts who were unable to shower for three months due to their living conditions. Grunts improvise - grunts don't need toilet paper, they'll wipe with strips cut from their t-shirts; grunts can fix anything with duct tape and a pocket knife; grunts make modern war possible.
Pogs exist to make the grunt's job possible. Pogs ferry supplies, provide medical care, handle communications - just about everything other than shooting people. Pogs live in comparative luxury and safety. Pogs will often wear civilian clothes in a combat zone; or at the other extreme, will enforce strict military disciplines normally reserved for garrison like the ironing of uniforms or organized physical training. (We don't dare gather for organized PT here. If a mortar were to strike at the instant we chose to do PT an entire platoon could be disabled. If that were to happen to the medics who would treat us?) Pogs have no conception of what real combat is. Pogs are necessary but often annoying to the grunt.
Pogs dominate the military. In fact, there are entire branches of the service filled with nothing but pogs - like the Air Force or Navy for instance. It's hard to be a grunt from the safety of an aircraft carrier or an air base. Pogs should be happy with what they are, they are the true face of the modern military. For whatever reason, pogs don't like to acknowledge what they are and their purpose in life. I am going to help them. The following is a set of warning signs to let the reader know if he/she is a pog. (Good chances are if the reader is a "she" she's a pog. It's not prejudice, females aren't allowed in combat... Yet.)
You might be a pog if you never leave the front gate. You might be a pog if you've been using porcelain toilets the past year. (The world is a grunt's toilet) You might be a pog if you take a hot shower every day. You might be a pog if you have a Combat Infantry Badge or a Combat Medical Badge sewn on when you haven't left Iraq yet.(Combat Infantry Badge, abbreviated CIB, is the badge that infantry men wear when they have seen combat, been shot at. The Combat Medical Badge, abbreviated CMB, is what medics wear when they provide treatment under fire. Other MOS's should get their own badges.) You might be a pog if you actually live within walking distance of a tailor shop. You might be a pog if you are neither a medic or an infantry man and you have a CIB/CMB sewn on. You might be a pog if you really care that much about the wearing the badge in the first place. You might be a pog if you eat catered meals in an air conditioned tent everyday. You are a pog if you iron your uniform in Iraq. (Sorry, but you are.) You are a pog if you have never had a bloodstain on your uniform. You are a pog if you never get dirty. (Even our Battalion Commander gets dirty out here.) You might be a pog if you are not suffering from combat stress. You might be a pog if you actually go to therapy for your combat stress. (Grunts like to think of themselves as strong silent types.) You might be a pog if this post offends you. In fact, you might be a pog if you are reading this - grunts only get online to check email and look at half naked women.
*Disclaimer: Pogs are great people who handle a million different things and make the military go; their only problem is that they think they are grunts. I only seek to promote greater understanding between the two factions.

4.29.2005

Possible mozilla fix

Thanks to Ryan, I think the problems for Mozilla based browsers are gone. For most of you that means nothing. For the others well, let me know if it works.

4.24.2005

Advanced minds in primitive bodies

I reserve the right on this blog to post random things from time to time and this post is one of those random things. I can never be "off topic" since there is no topic.
I was on guard today when I had an epiphany. I don't have epiphanies often but I have guard often and guard affords one time to think. I mean what else are you going to do when you are in a guard tower alone for hours at a time? (Well, there are other things but we can discuss that at a later time.)
I think many of the problems of modern society are directly related to the fact that basic human physiology was designed to survive primitive conditions. The traits that enabled man to survive primitive conditions can go haywire when faced with modern life.
For instance, consider obesity. I believe that the reason so many Americans are fat is that the human species original primitive instinct was to eat everything fat and sweet in sight. Fats and sugars are easy calories - they provide the most calories for the least effort. Assume that humans commonly lived through famines; individuals that maximized their caloric intake were most likely to survive. The easiest way to maximize caloric intake is eat nothing but fat and sugar. The logical thing for primitive man to do was to love the taste of fat and sugar. In modern times, gorging oneself on fat and sugar isn't the healthiest thing to do; but now you can blame your primitive ancestors for your sweet tooth.
Primitive brains lead people astray when it comes to sexual differences also. There is a theory that women only developed prominent mammary glands when humans began walking upright. Before, men were drawn to the curve of the female buttocks from behind. When humans began walking upright, the buttocks were no longer at eye level. Women began attracting their mates with enlarged mammary glands that looked like buttocks in front. To this day, the average male cannot distinguish a butt crack from cleavage. Something to think about when donning low cut attire. I'd also like to say that when a man leers at a woman's bosom, he is only succumbing to the instincts that kept him alive in primordial days.
I could go on, but I'd probably lose my female audience.
Why is any of this relevant to my situation? Why was I thinking about any of this? Life in the 1-503D was pretty primitive for a while. I think even cave men bathed more and ate better than we did for a while. Also, a man's ideas about sex tend to regress in the absence of women.
*Disclaimer: I don't believe in evolution but I think that evolutionary theory provides a useful framework for thinking about the development of living organisms. Most of my ideas came from theories having their basis in evolution.

4.15.2005

Template Problems

As many of you know I recently changed the blog template and my apologies go out to those who surf the web with Netscape, Firefox, or any Mozilla based browser. Especially since you can't read what I just wrote. Sorry, I am working on fixing that right now.

4.06.2005

I think I'm paranoid

For those who are curious about why I don't take advantage of this grand opportunity and blog about the realities of this conflict let me explain: OPSEC. If I were to do hard news or talk about in detail what goes on here I am deathly afraid that terrorists could read my website and gain valuable information. Maybe I am paranoid, but then I am living in hostile territory in what is reputed to be the most dangerous place on earth, surrounded by random gunfire, frequent explosions, and suicide bombers. Wouldn't you be worried if I wasn't a little paranoid?
Two points if you can name the music group I am referring to in the title.