Negative Twenty-two degrees Farenheit

The most important thing you need to know about my day is the temperature. It was low. I was out and about in the elements regardless, because I am a soldier. "Soldier" is a noun describing and individual who is too stupid to get inside out of the weather. Soldier's choose places with the most inhospitable weather conditions possible to shoot and kill people they don't know, in places they don't who, where people speak languages the soldiers don't know.
The wind chill factor this morning was such that our company commander (hereafter referred to as the CO) took pity on us and instructed the platoons to conduct PT indoors and run later in the afternoon. The medical platoon did and I did not see anybody else doing it. Why am I always the one who HAS to do the right thing? Gotta go!

Have You ever wished you had a Bible Handy?

There's a verse in the Bible about knowing to do good and not doing it being a sin. Something like, "He who knoweth to do good and doth it not sins". Those words haunt me every day. I wonder often whether I really know good or not. What is wrong and what is right and blah blah blah blah. I wonder often whether the uncertainty is just an excuse. If you don't know how can anyone expect you to do anything? Morals are funny things, you know. If I could just get rid of the damn things maybe I could enjoy life.
And you know what I hate in blogs? People waxing philosophical in their blogs. What did I just do? Wax philosophical! I got freaking existential and all that jazz. One might think I am a tortured soUL from reading that stuff.
Hey, on a lighter note, I am always happy when I get mail from people who read the blog and I'd just like to give a shout out to all my folks in Georgia! How are ya?

4 Days Later...

So when I say to stay away from the "drinky" girls don't listen to me because I am an awful example. I am a hapless fool with a weakness for tall skinny Korean girls. I am not sure why, but there seems to be an abundance of them in Tongduchon. I can only survey the damages and weep. Luckily, I am not broke. These women have reduced the art of separating men from their money to a science. I think what does it to me is the fact that I feel sorry for the girls. I should feel sorry for myself. However, I must say that the sensation of having two tongues in either ear was new.
In other news, I managed to qualify with both the M9 and M4 this week. The sad thing is that should I ever have enemy targets within my effective range the situation will have gotten very BAD. The good news is that I will most likely hit what I shoot at.
To those who know me, I'd like to apologize for the constant references to movies I have been making lately. I have watched an enormous amount of footage in a short time and I really like movies. Even the title of this post is a reference to a movie by Danny Boyle.

Winter Wonderland

The title is a cliche but cliche's are useful. I am willing to be 5 dollars that you knew instantly what I was talking about. I would be shocked if there was a single English speaking American reading this page (you could stop there and the statement would still be true) who did not know that it is snowing where I am right now. The mountains near Camp Casey are beautiful in the snow, like a Hallmark card. I could go on, but we would all be embarassed.
You know, I had some important and meaningful to say but I am tired, I have hall cleanup duty, and my roommate and I still plan to watch "Ronin" tonight.

24/7

You don't often think about the Army being a 24/7 operation till your chain of command ask you to stay up 24 hours pulling CQ (Charge of Quarters) duty. It was all right though. I got a little reading in, studied some EFMB (Expert Field Medical Badge) material, and watched movies - awful movies. "28 Days Later" looked cool in the previews, always a bad sign you know, and someone from the Slate Movie Club just loved it; so of course I hated it. I don't think it was necessarily a bad movie, it just wasn't to my taste. The movie started off badly for me, I got anxious waiting for the dude to run into living people and I hated the ragged way he looked. I think the problem was that the movie was shot with British tastes in mind. The story takes place in London, the lead character speaks with a sometimes unintelligible British (I'd say cockney but I am not sure) accent, and the filmmaker was British (Danny Boyle, director of "Trainspotting".) If it had been an American movie the lead would have been brawny action-hero type or perhaps even a pretty girl. The violence would have been more spectacular and the colors brighter. I would have been entertained but most likely it would have destroyed everything the filmmaker was trying to achieve. The other movie I saw was "Time Machine" and really it was just a muddle. The action didn't do anything for me and I was wonder when Samantha Mumba was going to stop teasing us and either get naked or just cover up. I couldn't concentrate to watch the other movies so I'll reserve judgment.
If you want to cure somebody of hero worship I have just the pictures for you. Scary...
It's ironic that I'd see a headline about monkeys attacking children right after watching "28 Days Later".
I was trying to think of blogs to nominate for the Bloggies, when I realized that I don't read blogs anymore. Too time consuming.

Kuma Range

Today was the first time I have ever attempted to qualify on paper targets and I pray it was the last. I like pop-up targets and detest paper targets. I had a very bad day at the range. I won't go into it as my bedtime is fast approaching but I'll give you the stats. I needed to shoot 26 of 40. I hit 15 of 40 by my own very generous count. I am done now, my butt hurts from sitting down.

New Horizons Day

Today was "New Horizon's day" at Camp Casey, which means that I dozed through several hours of classes and sat puzzled trying to ascertain what exactly I was supposed to learn from the Army training video "Every Drive Counts". I think I was supposed to learn driving safety, which is great since I can't drive. The video did have good moments, like when the perky, but tough airborne female soldier from Brooklyn walked onto the screen (in slow motion!) in a pink dress. The video's producers obviously knew what they were doing. A girl in a pink dress may not seem like a big deal, but when you are in an all male battalion, in a place that can have 50 women out of 1,200 soldiers on a base, a pretty girl in a pink dress is a big deal.
I think I am going to the qualifying range tomorrow, so tune in tomorrow for stories about how I shoot big guns.
By the way, Britney isn't married anymore.

R.I.P. Day 1

I took my umpteenth APFT this morning as part of R.I.P. My raw scores weren't great but my performance on the 2 mi. Run is improving and I am learning to pace myself better. I actually finished strong which is a rarity for me. Typically I sprint to start and nearly crawl in to finish. I am a hare.
Later that morning, all the new soldiers received briefings from the battalion commander and command sergeant major. I fought sleep the entirety of LTC Gubler's briefing. For some reason, CSM Thompson's briefing kept me wide awake the entire time. I think it may have been fear, but that is only a conjecture. The Command Sergeant Major is an interesting man. He desires to teach school after leaving the Army. He wants to teach history, ROTC, and Physical Education. He said commenting on his prospective teaching career, "The children of America will suffer!" I have little doubt of that. He seems to be an all right guy once you get to know him.
R.I.P. seems like it could actually be very cool. We go to the DMZ Friday I think.

Rock Indoctrination Program

I start R.I.P tomorrow. Wish me luck but I can assure you I won't need it. R.I.P., the Rock Indoctrination Program if the title didn't clue you in, is essentially a summarized basic training program. I think it was designed to insure that all soldiers processing into 1-503rd, a.k.a the Rock (hence the "Rock" in R.IP.) have all the basic competencies a soldier should have. In practice nobody fails so I am not sure if that is possible.
It's nearing 2100 hrs in South Korea so my bedtime is near but here are two quick items to keep you busy while I sleep. Britney got married!
I recently got paid a small sum of money with which I am going to pay some bills and start saving some, but I want you to tell me, what should I do with my enlistment bonus? I think I have around $1,000 to spend. (Which I probably won't have tomorrow since someone will read my website come to my room and jack me for it since I have stuffed the entire sum under my mattress.)

P.S. I am moving to the ZULU time zone permanently because I am going to move around a lot and it was easier to find than the South Korean time zone. :) For those who don't know, ZULU time zone is the base from which all time zones are offset. Time zones are denoted like this: GMT+ 09:00 hrs. (South Korean Time). Central Standard time is GMT- 06:00 hrs, 15 hrs behind Korean time. So there ya go.

Spending New Year's Eve in Toko-RI

I am writing this a second time only I am first editing spell checking it first in WordPerfect because the Blogger didn’t respond last time and I lost the post in Never-never land.
Trying to remember what I wrote the first time while sitting in the hallway in the barracks listening to soldiers coming home belligerent from too much alcohol and too little female involvement. (“female involvement” is a euphemism for p*ssy) It’s sad too because the last post was an example of some of my better writing and reproducing it might not be possible with the shortened battery life in my laptop.
New Year’s Eve was one of my better days in Korea. I performed well on the previous day's APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test), passed the written driving exam, discovered that I had hawk-like 20-10 vision, and got paid. The NCO in charge refused to record my vision as anything other than 20-20 saying that I would have to undergo an eye exam if he wrote down 20-10. (SO!? I like being tested.) I was in a particular giddy mood since the Army came through with my enlistment bonus and my adjusted wages, and by “adjusted” I mean adjusted like a WonderBra (TM) “adjusts” cleavage. I decided to soothe my natural instinct to blow all the money at once on booze, loose women, and flashy clothing by blowing a small portion of the money on booze, loose women, and flashy clothing tonight.
There is no better place to find booze and loose women then Toko-Ri, or at least that is what I have been told since I was a starry-eyed “soldier-medic” in AIT (Advanced Individual Training). One female soldier in particular insisted that anyone going to Camp Casey had to visit Toko-Ri if only to visit the Filipino lady who could smoke cigarettes through her vagina. As a combat medic, I decided that it was my duty to ascertain whether she was developing cervical cancer from her nicotine intake, by careful assessment of the patient. Two of my brother medics agreed, eyes alight at the prospect of spending my enlistment bonus on beer and loose women. (By the way, I apologize if children are reading this blog. I have been gradually including more adult content without considering possible consequences. If you are under the age of 21 please close your browser window or visit a more “family friendly” site, like Barney the Purple Dinosaur. In no way should this aside be seen as a cynical ploy to draw in young impressionable readers by telling them not to read this blog, despite the fact that readership spikes 50% when I mention sex or nudity in the blog.)
I started my evening by filling the requirement for flashy clothing - I bought a brown lambskin jacket with a brown and tan toboggan to keep my newly shaven head from developing into a chocolate-colored brain-popsicle. After failing to resist the siren call of “buy me a drink”(I tend to have less willpower when the girl puts her hand directly in my pants) my merry medics and I made our way to Toko-Ri (which I have referred to before as the Dark Side.) We arrived, eyes bright and blood coursing (mostly in our lower bodies) and left sadder, poorer, and unsatisfied. The climax of the whole debacle was when all four of us (we picked up another medic along the way) paid an exorbitant fee for what eventually became a lap dance because we all thought that everybody else was going to do it. We all thought it was more than a lap dance and it would have been had MP’s not been swarming like angry brown and green hornets. We left, our faces smudged with cheap lipstick. As soon as I finish writing this, I am going to swab my face with alcohol since kissing a “juicy” girl is like rubbing one’s face with Herpes Simplex virus. Don’t do it.
We eventually trudged home wishing all and sundry a “Happy F*cking New Year!”

The Real Army is NOT Like This

How many times did I hear the words "the real Army is not like this"? DOH! I am hearing stories of people I know working in hospitals in Hawaii getting four day weekends and spending the day on the beach while I am spending my four day weekend in bed and working through the holidays.
The only thing keeping me going is that I get up every day planning how I am going leave behind wretched enlisted life. I am going to go somewhere where I can't be assigned to motor pool, where I don't develop hypothermia every morning, and where the girls know how to say something other than "buy me drinky!" I don't hate Korea and I plan on enjoying some of the tourist destinations in and around Korea, but I don' want to stay longer than I have to.

All I want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas is to be well, and score a 300 on my upcoming APFT. Getting either one appears unlikely at this point. I went out Christmas Eve and caroused like a sailor on leave, because soldiers party regardless of whether they are on leave or not. If you are in Tongduchon, South Korea and want to party, you will definitely have options. Not options you would feel comfortable discussing with your mother but options nevertheless. I found out that the majority of the hot spots downtown are little more than strip clubs. I knew that their would be girls in skimpy outfits, demanding drinks but somehow I missed the memo that detailed how the girls would bare their shaved pubic regions inches from my face and grind their crotches on my lap and nose. Five dollars will take you to a part of town known as the "Dark Side". The girls there take the display a step further. The presence of MPS keeps the "Ville" somewhat under control in that girls dare not due more than briefly pull down their panties. On the "Dark Side" it is no holds barred sexual entertainment.
I am proud to say that I resisted the temptation to spend money on the "drinky" girls. It was mostly because I had no money but still it was an accomplishment.
Christmas day I went to the gym to catch the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders USO show. I failed to bring home any autographs but mostly because I didn't care. The cheerleaders gave me a small autographed poster but I promptly lost it in the gym. I did take several photographs with the cheerleaders which I will be sure to share at some point in the future should I ever get my copy from my NCO. It was entertaining enough.
Influenza has become my favorite virus in the past two months. The first time I have ever used the influenza vaccine is also the first time I have ever contracted the "flu" twice in a year. "Ironic" does not begin to explain the situation.
Attentive acquaintances of mine have reported seeing my recent appearance on CNN lately. I am told the segment was aired on the 16th and again on Christmas day. Drop me a line if you know when and the name of the program that I appeared on. I haven't seen the segment and can't locate anything about it on CNN's website.

Merry Christmas

Really I mean it. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I am going to do my best to do the same. (with the help of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders who arrive at 1500 hrs at the Carey gym in Camp Casey.)
Maybe if you're really nice I'll tell you about how naughty I was last night. (but probably night)

One more Shopping Day until Christmas

Christmas is coming late for me this year. I feel bad because I haven't bought anything for anybody but I have spent nearly my entire paycheck on getting settled in Korea and various bills. So I promise if I normally buy you something then I'lll buy you something from the after-Christmas sales. Short of a miracle you won't be getting anything material from me Christmas day.
I on the other hand will be celebrating Christmas by curling into a fetal position on my bed and sleeping an extra four hours. Merry Christmas or Bah Humbug, chose whichever sentiment suits your disposition and situation.

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

Here's a blog by a soldier involved in the mission that captured Saddam Hussein. Read about Operation: Red Dawn from a soldier's perspective.

Stay Away!

Never ever have sex with someone who has this website bookmarked.

Machiavellian Counter-Terrorism measures

Have you ever read anything that made you say "Holy SHIT!" I just did. It was just a comment on a post at another blog but wow. I am going to include the entire comment here for your benefit. The comment was in response to what should be done to fight terror in the United States.

Some commenters keep asking: "What would YOU do about these almost continual on-off threats of terrorist attacks on US soil?"

So here is what I would do, specifically.

1) I would ban all entry to this country of persons from Arab or moslem countries, except for those whom our national security agencies could prescreen, to the same level any American is prescreened by the Federal Bureau of Investigation before being permitted to purchase and take possession of automatic weapons (class III fireams). This was a process that includes fingerprinting, investigations that take 3-5 months, and a prepayment on my part of $200 per automatic weapon, to the US Treasury Department.

2) I would investigate for any and all subversive activities on the part of all Arabs and moslems already in this country, including those possessing citizenship. Any sign of disloyalty, and their residency status would be revoked and they would immediately be deported. I would change the US laws to terminate the citizenship of any such person involved in terrorism, and either deport them or incarcerate them in concentration camps such as the one we maintain at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

3) I would permit no entry of any item by air, ship or ground transport that had not been inspected at the port of entry. This process would include opening and inspecting any cargo container and inspecting any foreign ship allowed into a US harbor, any foreign aircraft allowed to land at a US airport, or any land transport vehicle allowed to pass onto a US road.

4) I would utilize the United States Army to guard the land borders of this country, in place of the US Border Patrol. This rule would be applied most rigorously to the long southern border with Mexico. The army would establish a floodlighted zone of death between parallel lines of razor barbed wire fences. The zone of death would be seeded with land mines and covered by machine gun nests arranged for interlocking fire lanes designed to kill any human being who ventured into the zone.

5) I would try and imprison any American citizen not specifically subject to the draconian rules described above, who gave any material comfort to terrorists, their families, illegal immigrants or those engaged in bringing these persons into our country. I would make certain that the terms of their imprisonment would be impartial and as unpleasant as possible under whatever emergency decrees that would be passed under the legislation needed to effectuate this status.

6) I would move immediately to utilize replacements for petroleum produced in any Arab or moslem states except for those under strict American domination, such as Iraq shall be for a long time. There would be no restrictions of any kind on seeking out and developing sources of fuel in the United States or in friendly countries. I would dig up national wildlife refuges in Alaska if necessary to get the oil there, or even cherished cemeteries, because I do not serve the dead in the face of a national emergency.

7) I would do everything feasible to break the power of international islam. This would include subverting their various social cultures, teaching their peoples the same kind and the same degree of self-hatred as a few generations of liberals have been systematically doing in the school systems of the United States and througout our society at large. Above all, I would break the pride of their men by teaching their women to disrespect them and even to despise them as backward, cowardly and powerless in the face of the overwhelming force of the United States. Exactly what our forefathers did in enslaving the Africans they brought here for labor or in destroying the spirit of the Indian tribes whose lands they stole from one side of the continent to the other.

8) If, in spite of all such precautions, an Arab or islamic largescale terrorist attack occured again on the soil of this country, I would retaliate by means of two mechanisms designed to act as a needle that would pierce the heart of the enemy religion and cultures. First, I would encourage the government of Israel to expel the entire remaining Arab population of the lands they presently occupy and to destroy their great temples in Jerusalem. Second, I would destroy the center of their religion in and around Mecca, with thermonuclear detonations designed to keep all life from that place for whatever is the half-life of the radioactive materials and the bomb coatings.

9) I would order our secret services to kidnap relatives of the chief terrorists, including Osama bin Laden, and hold them as hostages until such time as their master plotter were brought into US incarceration. If killing were required, I would begin with the first-born Arab males, inasmuch as in their culture this is the most important inheritor of the family name and birthright.

The nature of power, Stalin is said to have told one of his key henchmen, is that it is the one thing in the world that you cannot fake. You either have it or you don't. The other characteristic of power is it must occasionally be exercized in order to remind those who do not have it what happens if they try to overthrow that order. Sometimes this process requires gross unpleasantness, which, if not applied, leaves potential challengers further down the chain with the idea they can unseat you and take your power.

I am a citizen of the United States. I want this country to maintain its wealth, its power, and its level of inequality with the rest of the population of this planet. Forever, if possible. And by whatever means required. Because I have no other loyalties and no other concerns than the greatness and the power of our great commonwealth. If that power is to be challenged, than let us respond with terror of our own, a level of terror that has not truly been unleashed since the days of majesty that ended in the utter ferocity of the attacks we mounted against our enemies in Europe and the Pacific in 1945.

Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI

Scary... What was worse, is that I found myself agreeing. Fear can make you do some evil things. Here is the original blog post.

I am the Person of the Year!

I am really... Along with 1.4 million other soldiers. Time Magazine chose the "American Soldier" as the person/people of the year for the Army's role in the pacification of Iraq.
I was going to pontificate about how great it is to be a soldier and how we are living in a important moment in history that would make or break many people's careers but I won't. Bottom line: I think I can take advantage of the current situation to make a career in the Army. I think I can change the world. That's just me though.
You know why I spend hours posting to this blog? It's entertaining. I even read my own blog even though I wrote the words myself. It's not that I am extremely funny or that my life is hugely entertaining. Somehow, remembering events I record here is like taking a snapshot of my life. Even better when I can see other people's response to the blog. Even the people who don't send me email in response to my writing give me feedback in other ways. It's always hilarious to track how people find my blog. Searching for "marry Christmas George", "Paris Hilton airhead", or even "nudity in the classroom" brings up this blog. I look at the search terms, do the search myself and comment. It makes for an amusing feedback loop. Of course this blog is the number one response in most search engines when my name is entered. I just never thought anybody would actually type my name into a search engine other than me. But someone has. Don't get me wrong. There is no "Idahosa Edokpayi" fan clubs. (Actually, there is but we have only one member. Privacy laws prevent me from revealing his name but his initials are IIOE) But posting to this blog gives me an extra pick me up.

Nudity on Campus?

More proof that college aged males spend a lot of time fantasizing about nudity. An article by an aspiring nudist at the University of Evansville arguing that everybody should be naked all the time. If he'd restrict nudity to a select umm 20% of the female population I'd agree wholeheartedly.

Turtle Walk

One of my NCO's gave me and the other new medic, my AIT (Advanced Individual Training) buddy our "turtle walk" tonight. It was interesting. It turns out there is much to see "down range" but what there is to see is very lively. I saw "drinky" girls, cheap suits, knockoff designer clothes, electronics, drunken soldiers, roadside vendors hawking barbecued chicken, and the ominous "Courtesy Patrol" - the MP's more polite little brother. It was a good time.
Did I say something about not having a roommate yesterday? Did anyone ever say something about not counting your chickens before they hatch? Not five minutes after I wrote about liking the fact that I had no roommate my new roommate walks up and introduces himself. The upside is that he's a good guy with no overtly annnoying habits. (yet)
Well I'm off for late night burgers and fries.