AM I HOT?

Eighty Five anonymous strangers certainly think so. I am currently number one amongst all users at Amihot.com. The picture was taken in a studio during a modeling shoot I did before I joined the military. I'd say more but the picture speaks for itself.

The Picture in question.

UPDATE

Ok I was number one for all of 2 minutes. Sorry.

Home Again

Who was it that said you can never go home again? Thinking about it now, even though I have returned to the location I call home I have not and cannot return to the place. Home is more than a location - it's a place, a time, and a feeling. Those things can never be fully recaptured. The people who made the home have dispersed and changed and so one can never return to his home again. I realize now that I am an adult - I must be an adult because I have no childhood left me. Everything is serious business now. I am in the business of killing people in defense of my country. Yes, I am a medic and my obvious purpose is to begin step one of the healing process, but only so that they can go and wreak havoc on the bodies of others. No children here.
Even my family has grown up. My sister has her own car, goes to college; My youngest brother just hit puberty and has grown leaps and bounds since I saw him last; and my middle brother is beginning to think about life after college. The location hasn't changed, the house is the same, Dallas is still familiar, but it isn't the home I knew as a child. I can feel time slowly sliding by, it's scary and strange and powerful. I am feeling a distinct urge to maximize every moment, to cram in everything I can to every second of the day. I think I'll start with sleep though. I am bushed.

Marrying for The Money

You know the danger of writing posts early in the day is that interesting things always happen right after you write them. Sunday, after my last post I jokingly proposed marriage. The object of my jesting affection told me that seriously she would.
I was flabbergasted, but the agreement would have been perversely expedient. The logic behind the proposed union was that I needed help getting citizenship and marrying a citizen is one way to obtain citizenship; she was getting chaptered out of the Army and needed benefits due to injuries sustained in the Army and her inability to find employment. We would both get what we needed and she even threw in performance of "wifely duties". She's even attractive.
It would have been wrong. Word on the street is that the girl is of less than stellar character (she's a good friend of mine so I'd like not to believe it but then she is in the Army and Army women are not well known for their chastity) So I did the safe thing. I hate doing the safe thing, but you know there are times that the alternatives just are not worth the payoff.

Soldier Medic Weekend Report Vol. 2: Everything that has a Beginning has an End

I am stealing a cheesy line from a cheesy (but profitable) movie, but the line is the truth. I am leaving Fort Sam Houston. I may never hear from some of my peers again. For the most part, this is a good thing. In the end, I discovered that I could do without the majority of the people who took the 91W (proounced "ninety-one whiskey") course. Many, if not most, of the females are scandalous whores; many of the males (and no doubt females too) are convicted felons and slackers who joined the Army with the aim of salvaging their worthless, wicked lives. The remainder I will miss desperately.
Since my last post I have been interviewed by CNN for a documnetary scheduled to air in early December; recieved a coin of excellence from the Command Sergeant Major of Medcom, the highest ranking enlisted medical soldier in the Army; won Junior Leader of the Cycle (by some miracle); and I had a very good reading at a casting call for a feature film (don't ask me which one or with who because I don't know).
I feel lonely, but I am beginning to believe that my loneliness is my own fault. I don't know how to choose or where to look for friends. I am sure there are plenty of people who would hang out with me but I probably snubbed them all. I also often present an air of uncertainty which probably is a little off-putting too. (But not lately, recent events have made me just a little more confident in my own abilities and probably much more arrogant. I walk with quite a bit of swager now.) I need a regular crew though - a group of friends to hang out with. I also am willing to bet that I won't have that for a long time either.
Despite my complaints of loneliness, I do have a great time. If only just from listening to the stories I hear from other soldiers. Like this girl I know who is geting chaptered out of the Army due to health problems. She realized that she will be without any benefits or employment so she is trying to get married to someone for the health benefits! It will happen to because she is an attractive girl. I was tempted myself - if only for the chance to demand that she do her "wifely" duties.
The sum total of it all, is that it all must end; and it does, in three days.

Soldier Medic Weekend Report Vol. 1

I go out every weekend hoping to party as if there is no tomorrow; I always wake up disappointed the next morning because tomorrow actually did come. Don't get me wrong, I have a good time; but there's a part of my brain that won't let me completely enjoy partying. I don't hook up with girls at clubs, I don't get drunk off my gourd (ok well I do, but not to the point of unconsciousness like some people do and I sober up fast), and I get the feeling I don't quite fit in or belong. And then you have stuff like what happened last night. I was dancing with a girl in my company who was sloshed - I mean veeeeeeery drunk - and she got a little out of hand. She was a terrible dancer and she kept trying to kiss me and even copped a feel of my groin while we were dancing. That wasn't even the part that got to me. I can blow that kind of behavior off - she won't remember in the morning and I'll forget eventually - but it is what she was said: "I thought you were too cool to dance with me." It is flattering to be thought of as a "cool kid" but it honestly hurts me when I get the impression that other people feel like I am to high and mighty to stoop to their level. Here's a guy who can't get girls to dance with him at the club (at least not the girls he wants), and who is still really insecure about a lot of things. Hearing things like that makes me feel awkward. So far the Army for me is like High School for a lot of people - confusing and a little awkward. I have fun - I am one of the "cool kids" after all - but it's strange.
Oh and that is only half of the story. I fell asleep on the floor of a swank room in the Marriot hotel in downtown San Antonio waiting for five professional strippers to show up while an amateur stripper (who works as a professional soldier during the week) did her thing in the bedroom. The insanity never ends here.
Well, actually it does. On Nov 12, everybody goes home; except for those soldier medics (thats what they call us here: soldiers first, medics second) who partied a little too hard on the weekends and are pending UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) action or are already serving Article 15 suspensions; also, all the people who are unable to meet the physical fitness requirements go to G Co. (pronounced "Golf Company". It's only the Army's own special brand of purgatory) There are also a few brave souls who go on to Airborne school and on to Ranger school to become special ops maniacs. All the relationships break up (I am assuming. It was only sex after all); all the married people go back to their cuckolded spouses; boyfriends and girlfriends reunite (or separate, depending on how quickly word of infidelity travels home); very little gets left behind. Looking back, it just feels a little empty. I remember every moment, and there aren't any moments I can point to as being bright shining moments. I didn't waste the time but...
I still haven't found what I am looking for.

Hell Week

The weekend is mostly over and stories of the wild things that people did over the weekend (or for that matter the wild people that people did over the weekend) are just beginning to filter back to the company. I for one am hearing stories of how I am "gorgeous" and hot. Blah! A lot of good it does me.
I saw the movie Kill Bill this weekend and honestly, I was a little traumatized. I have never seend so much gore in one movie. Uma Thurman hacks and slices so many non-descript extras that I am sure that Quentin Tarantino killed many of them twice. The movie is bloody, profane, and stylish as hell. Quentin Tarantino hasn't been doing a lot of work since 1997 and Jackie Brown (In fact, he didn't do anything) and it's kinda cool to see him come back so forcefully. The movie is a homage to the 1970's style chopsocky flicks and is filled with noticeable references to past films, including a short guest appearance by Sonny Chiba - who if you didn't know appeared in a lot of '70's era martial arts films. So the long and short of it is that the film is cool; go see it.

Fish Out of Water

Never ever let your friends drag you to a country bar. At least not unprepared. I went to this place last night that the majority of the company congregates at on Saturday nights because I heard it was a good time - "They only play country music at first, as the night goes on they play rap." I believed them because this is Texas and the only people in Texas who listen to country music exclusively live in towns called Hickville, TX. Even in trailer parks where the most country people live Eminem is more popular than Garth Brooks. So as we're riding in the taxi to go to this place I continued to question them: "Will there be black people there"?
"Yes."
"I mean actual black people."
And there were black people at Cowboys/Far West (You know thinking back looking at the names I should have just known better). The black man at Far West worked in the bathroom handing out paper towels and mints.
I wasn't miserable - I just felt odd. I immediately regreted my choice of black slacks and black and white saddle shoes. If you are in San Antonio and plan on visiting Far West, wear a cowboy hat, jeans, and boots. You will be much more comfortable (well you'll fit in but you won't be comfortable. Tight fitting Wranglers can wreak havoc on male genitalia.) I loosened up over time and had a good time. So it was all good.

Four Day Weekend Baby!

I am constantly getting the feeling that I am doing a poor job of telling the story of my life. I often think that I am to vague, too specific, that I forget the interesting details, etc. Guess what, though? I am the only person here to tell the story so I am stuck. The number one most interesting thing I am trying to do now is trying to get into Westpoint. The second is trying to find something to do on this four day weekend.
I could tell you the story of who's sleeping with who; who's married and sleeping with who; who's cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend/life companion; who walked around in the bay in a thong; (only interesting because it's a male the females walk around naked or in underwear all the time - no big deal); which female is reputed to be a lesbian (I don't think she is but even I'll admit that she fits the stereotype); which females who would probably be lesbians given enough alcohol and a receptive audience (50% of the females here); who is on extra duty; who recently got Article 15's; who has the most interesting sexual history in the past 3 months; etc. But I won't. You'll have to wait for the book. I played that game once before and I didn't even use anybody's name and I was up to my eyes in shit. Those people possibly could still be reading my blog. Not likely but it's possible. I'd liek to apologize quickly for using profanity, but as somebody told me today it's hard to change who you are. The most important thing is to not let other people influence who you are in a negative way and keep you from enjoying the moment. You have to live each moment so that it is the finest moment in your life because life isin short supply.
Interesting things did happen this week. My instruction team had a practical exercise necessitating the separation of males and females. I wish I had some pictures to post because the hilarity ensued once our instructor kicked the females out was high quality. I doubt the females had as good a time as we did but they did get to lounge around a classroom in sports bras. We were doing EKG's and really you should have no shirt or bra on at all (especially if you are male) but there are people who couldn't be professional (me) or confortable (90% of the females) with partial nudity in the classroom. Even shirtless men would probably be to much for most people to handle in a mixed sex environment.
I got a ring to commemorate graduation from the 91W course and to replace the cheap one I bought at Basic Combat Training. It's pretty cool. Not like out of this world but pretty cool nevertheless.
We are coming up to our second (and I hope) final Hell week. We have our record PT test (this one actually counts as it goes on our permanent record), 3 test in 4 days and the end of classroom instruction. All of this coming off a four day weekend. I swear that they give us just enough rope to hang ourselves.
Well I am gonna go out and take advantage of my privileges. Later folks.

Thirty-Eight days and Counting

You know it's not that I am not enjoying Fort Sam Houston but I miss home. I am going to be here another 38 days but I only have 13 days more of classroom instruction. (give or take a couple of days) My training as a medic is approaching the home stretch. Traditionally this is the part of the course that students lose their focus. I am struggling to buck that trend but I am finding that things are dividing my time - like flag football for instance.
Did I mention that Army women are aggressive and take charge individuals? That's all I am going to say.
My cellular phone finally decided to make an appearance, and I must say life is much easier since. I hear my laptop may becoming to visit also.
I've been avoiding hotels lately for the sake of my bank account and instead I find that I am spending the money on taxi's. So next weekend I am going to get a hotel room. :-p
That's all folks.

Wishing for Tomorrow, Trying to Live through Today

Every once in a while I have these flashes of insight (ok so I have had maybe three in my whole life) but I had one the other day. (along with a strange dream of girls arrayed in Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders outfits shooting arrows while I tooled around town in a BMW Z8 convertible) There is no use in wasting today waiting for tomorrow. I am getting a little anxious, a little homesick, a little bit in a hurry to go home and see my family again, but I realized that living weekend to weekend and living for leaving this place was not the answer. I would only have to leave again soon because all good things must come to an end. The only way to enjoy my entire life would to make every place and time a good thing.
So there ends the homily. Since we last spoke I have become a star player on the A Co. flag football team, A Co. acquired a new First Sergeant (a former Special Forces Medical Sergeant no less!) and I finally located my wandering cell phone just in time for Phase 5 Plus! Time to get crazy folks.
So, I went and saw the movie Underworld with a battle buddy yesterday and it was pretty cool. It stars Kate Beckinsdale (she's hot!) and that dude from "Felicity" (Scott Speedman). A little confusing toward the end. (do I root for the vampires? The werewolves? The human?) But it made me think of another movie I saw not to long ago that featured mostly British actors (most notably Christian Bale) called Equilibrium. There is absolutely no connection between the two movies. I don't know why I am trying so hard to find one but I can't and I give up. They are both pretty damn cool though.
Oh yeah and I don't feel so lonely anymore...

Cell Phones Don't Like Me

So I found out the other day that my brother shipped my cellular telephone to Fort Jackson, my last address. SUCKS! I think God is trying to tell me something.
I am trying to be serious so I can finish this post quickly but they play movies in the LRC (Learning Resource Center) and I have a weakness for dumb comedy.
I had an extremely busy weekend. Rumor has it that I was quite the lady's man. I was surprised when I heard who I had sex with. I know what I did and I hope the rest gets blown off as rumor. I also hope that I am able to keep the hormones in check so that people don't catch on that maybe there is some truth to the rumors. I am new to the role of "player" and keeping weekend plans straight (and women separate) maybe difficult.

Titles, Schmitles

I am becoming entirely to lazy about writing titles for my posts. I am in my eigth week of training as a 91W in the US Army, just became a certified EMT Basic, the only disappointing thing that has happened is that I was replaced as Platoon Guide (fired is such an ugly word) and moved back to 2nd squad leader. Life is (or should be) good. Why do I feel as if there is something lacking? Am I just lonely (I am kinda) or is my problem something else? Or do I need to suck it up grab my manhood and drive on? At the moment FIDO seems like the best option. Who needs time to think? Soldiers don't think they react. But I still haven't found what I am looking for and I won't for a long time.

Umm I have a lot to say but I have to be in formation in two minutes to get smoked, hardcore. (By smoked I mean that I am about to do a painful amount of physical training.) I won Junior Leader of the week; I am hearing form old friends; but that's all folks. Gotta go!.

Weekends Suck

The way my weekends have gone here at Fort Sam I should just stay home. I should stop feeling sorry for myself, but I seem to be the center of a vortex of uncool activity. I am hestitant to go into detail for legal reasons but I will say that I am going back to study treatment for (alcohol) poisoning and I am going to re-read the section in the OB/GYN chapter dealing with rape.
Very soon, (a week) I will be a nationally licensed provider of emergency medical care. I am doing all right in class, making good grades, but my social life thus far has been a disaster. Everything my friends said about women in the military has been true. STAY AWAY from military women. What amazes me most about the promiscuity here at Fort Sam is the ease with which people switch partners, transferring their affections effortlessly with minimal fuss. And marriage is merely an excuse to discourage suitors whose affections one doesn't enjoy.
I think I am going to try to be a good boy for now on :( .

Phase 5 at Fort Sam Houston

Did you think I had forgotten? Well, yes, I had. I am six weeks into Advanced Indivual Training as a "Health Care Specialist" in the Army and I am doing well. I just got some freedom back and I'll be able to make short postss if I hurry. I have a lot to say, but not enough time to say it. For instance, I could tell a hellacious story about the drunk girl who ended up in a hotel room with me Saturday night and how I woke up to find her half naked the next mornign but alas there is no time. Later maybe?

Graduation from BCT!

Free at last I am free at last! Well I am free till 2100 hours this evening. There is so much I could tell you about BCT that I could write a book, and maybe I will someday but not now. Right now am hogging my buddy's family phone line so time is short. I haven't posted in a while and posts will be slow in coming for a long time but they will start back up for my audience of one.

Letters from Army Reception
21:30 20030511

I am writing this letter by the light of a red-shaded flashlight over the noise of my bunkmates juvenile humor. I have been in Reception waiting for Basic Combat Training. (BCT) as a member of the 79th Platoon, in Bravo COmpany as part of Fort Jackson's Reception Battalion since...20030507 (Wednesday the Seventh of May in 2003 in Military Format). At the moment, I am endeavoring to hold my guts in as we imitate our favorite (i.e. most feared) female drill sergeants favorite sayings "drink water soldier! You are wrong!" I cannot tell you how funny these words are at 9:30 civillian time when you've been up since too early. (4:30)
Even though we laugh form the safety of our bunks, most of the soldiers in reception live in fear of SGT. Habersham. Never has so much authority been packed in so little a body. The woman is 4'11" tops and she has our strapping 6'2" PG (Platoon Guide) peeing in his army-issue brown tightie whiteys. I think her lack of stature may be the root cause of her ferocity. She's a busy woman who handles the paperwork for several hundred soldiers, so if you didn't se her because she's so short, or couldn't hear her because she's an itty-bitty woman, than well "You're wrong soldier! Drink water!"
Oh by the way, I nearly killed myself trying to break the base record for the One mile run in the Physical Trainig Assessment. (PTA?) I finished in 5 min 30 sec mainly because I believed the record was 5 min 43 seconds. I led most the race only to be overtaken by a brown blur (at this point thats all I remember) that had been dogging me the whore race. I am so pissed I got beat! :(
There is so much more I want to tell you, but every one around me is snoring, so it must be time to do the same.

Negative One Days and Counting

You may ask how I am posting when I supposed to be at boot camp or at least en route. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to Basic Training. What follows is the complete story of my adventure at the Dallas MEPS. (MEPS is where all new recruits are sent to have their paperwork processed. My best guess is that MEPS stands for Military Enlistment Processing Station. I suppose alternatively it could stand for Monster Engine of Pain Silo.)
Monday afternoon I moved all my belongings, save shoes, (don't worry I have no logical reason for leaving them. I just forgot as usual) back to my room at my parent's home. I have no intention of sleeping a single night in the room again but it costs less than storage. I left Walt, Jesse, and Chris with no formal or informal goodbye which I deeply regret. (Bye Walt! Bye Chris! Bye Jesse!) But, I was short on time; which is not even a valid excuse but an honest contributing factor. I moped around the house as my family readied to attend my little brother’s soccer game; I was puzzled about why there were no parting affections. My brother was leaving early to coach the game so he wandered in to say goodbye. He inquired about when I would be departing on Tuesday and I replied that I would be sleeping in the hotel that night and leaving the next day. “So this is the last time I’ll be seeing you?” he asked incredulously. I answered laconically; “Yeah.” He then gave me his tearful goodbye speech (without the tears) and told my mom the news. Simultaneously, Sgt. Anstey, my recruiter showed up at the door. I quickly scrambled to get ready and bid my family goodbye. As I readied to leave for the MEPS, I heard my father prepare to launch his tirade against the good sergeant for persuading his naive firstborn son to enlist in the army, “How many college graduates have you put in the army this month?” Sgt. Anstey deftly deflected my Dad’s angry and tearful query, “Why are you taking my son?” with, “Sir, I am not taking your son. He left on his own.” She calmly explained what advantages the army had to offer and why it wasn’t such a crazy idea. I don’t think Dad approves but he understands more now.
I actually slept that night at the Holiday Inn this time rather than staring at the ceiling and listening to my roommate’s snores. After getting up at too early in the morning, (3:54 in my case) I went to breakfast and boarded the MEPS bus. After arriving and sitting through processing, I had a break which enabled me to engage in conversation with a future Army linguist and a future fellow DIV (Drill Instructor Victim) who would be joining me at Fort Jackson for tortuous self-improvement at the hands of a frighteningly enthusiastic DI. We talked for four hours and it’s hard to say what topic we did not speak about. Before and after Sarah, the linguist, took her Army DLAB (Does it Look like i know whAt it stands for Buddy?) we explored topics including How the 7ft 6 in Sean Bradley (stick figure in the employ of the hometown Dallas Mavericks) could possibly have a normal love life with his tiny wife, the percentage of girls at Sarah’s high school who have been pregnant (more than 1 in 10!!), the importance of clean underwear when undergoing a military orthopedic exam in a room of 12 strangers (a careless recruit had poop stains a mile long on his white boxers. I held my tongue till every recruit waiting for a body fat test started snickering), female sexuality exams during physicals (the military has to verify that each female recruit is indeed female by examining her genitals. Apparently a few men got in as women…), the importance of a good sports bra (Sarah develops bruises when running without one for the same reason she can’t duck walk – big cozangas!), and my flawless eyebrows in comparison to the thick bushy thatches of hair that only slightly resembled eyebrows taped to the face of an Army Sergeant who worked at the MEPS (can you tell that I am jealous of anybody whose eyebrows are said to look better than mine? He looks like Droopy the cartoon character! My eyebrows are my secret beauty weapon!) The day came to an end when the MEPS misplaced some of my information and had to delay my departure till tomorrow morning. The delay was worth seeing the look surprise on my Dad’s face when he saw me sitting at the table at home again.
The story of my (mis)adventures Sunday night may have to go untold. It involves my buddy Jehon, the Navy Linguist; Jesse, my Marine roommate; gay men in Las Vegas showgirl costumes; freaky Goth girls; a Goth cross dresser; and a sultry club diva named Helena.
In what little time I have left, (hour, fifty minutes and counting!) I need to announce some changes that will take place on this blog. My brother will be editing the blog in my absence and I won’t be responding to email. I will still be controlling the blog in much the same way a mobster control his crime family from jail. I’ll also post an address where I can receive mail. The biggest change will be that I will stop self-censoring so much. Early on I realized that certain people I knew where reading the blog and I decided not offend these people. I don’t know these people anymore, so I am no longer worried about offending them. The problem will be learning to right naturally without holding back. It’s become second nature. Well I am done, done and on to the next one… (fans of the Foo Fighters know what I mean)

4 Days...

Wow, anybody wanna hang out? With 4 days to go before I jone the World's Greatest Army I find myself desperate for interaction with anyone I was even vaguely acquainted with. I am not nervous (yet) but I am a little desperate to party. I am trying to pack in everything I didn't do since high school into the last few days.

Six Days...

I find life to be very strange and new right now. I am really enjoying myself but I feel as if I am only dreaming and I'll soon wake up with a very sudden and violent start. The only thing that I might change is that I'd try to get more sleep, and I'd meet more eligible young women.

Seven Days and Counting!

Don't you love how I up and disappear every so often? I should have had something interesting to say in the past six days but I was also feeling lazy. Go figure. Over the weekend I did manage to score a 258 on my PT test. I rocked the house with a 12 min and 23 sec time in the 2 mile run. I can't help being proud of myself, especially since I hate running. In the meantime, I am busy squandering what little money I earned in the month of March and obsessing over "pimp juice".

Shameless Materialism

I promise to MARRY anybody who buys me these shoes. Ok well maybe not marry (especially since that would eliminate half of the population) but I'll name my first child after you.

Model: Nike Shox NZ iD Running
Price: $110.00
Gender: Male
Size: 12
Base color: Black
Accent color: Black
Swoosh color: Yellow Zest
Swoosh border: Yellow Zest
Lace color: Yellow Zest
Personal iD color: Yellow Zest
Lining color: Yellow Zest
Heel Plate Color: Black
Column color: Yellow Zest
Symbol/iD: Personal iD
Primary iD: ARMYONE

Yeah, custom running shoes... forgive me, I just always wanted a pair.

Thirteen Days and Counting

Today is payday baby! I have thirteen days to spend it in too. What should I buy?

Fourteen Days and Counting

Exactly two weeks from now, I'll be flying to Ft. Jackson S.C. to start basic training. To those of you who want to know what happened to the extra two days I had yesterday... I lost them. Would you believe that it was my math skills that enabled me to score a 99 on the ADSVAB? I am very excited. I also need to get busy and take care of some things before I leave.

France Wants to Kiss and Make Up

France apparently wants to forget past hostility and is going along with the US demand to lift sanctions against post-war Iraq. The downside is that France wants renewed UN inspections which the US is opposed to.

Verbal Psychedelia

Hunter S. Thompson has quite a bit to say about the wonders of nude bowling. He's the sports writer from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas who now writes occasionally for ESPN.com. Careful reading of his writing reveals... absolutely nothing. I am inclined to say that his work is a glimpse into a brain addled by several tons of illegal drugs and untold gallons of alcohol. The troubling thing is that I find him fascinating.

Football Player Shot Before Draft Day

This is why all professional athletes should invest in a vest. The player who was shot said he was just in the "wrong place at the wrong time" but I'd venture to guess that athletes spend about 90% of their off all their time in the "wrong place".

Seventeen Days and Counting

You'd think that somebody with so little time left in civilian life would be feverishly preparing and tying up loose ends in his life. Not me. I am at home finishing off my roommates' DVD collection. I might even play some video games after lunch, but probably not. It requires too much thought.

Honda's Rube Goldberg contraption

This ad reportedly took 606 takes to get right. It's so cool that many people are forwarding it to their friends. Instead I am posting it here.

Ny Times Scoop on Iraq Chemical Weapons

The NY Times reports that an unidentified Iraqi scientist has revealed that Iraq actually destroyed stockpiles of chemical weapons before the war. This news is already second-hand since I got it from Kausfiles.
That makes me think though, maybe I should try to narrow the focus of this blog. It's not a news blog as I there is no way I could ever manage to keep abreast of all the important news events. Then again, it's not really easy to categorize because I am the subject matter of the blog. I'll continue to pos whatever I feel like writing about and whatever is going on in my life.

Happy Easter!

I celebrated Easter by staying home. I decided to rest after attempting to run early in the morning. I had felt like I had quite a bit of plegm lodged inmy lungs but as soon as I stepped on the treadmill I felt as if I had sand in my lungs. I'd been coughing all day but hadn't realized that I might actually have a problem. Naturally, I suspect SARS. By the way, did you know that China just copped to having more cases of SARS than previously acknowledged? More SARS here, and here too!
ESPN has a great article about professional athletes' involvement in the war effort. The gist of the article is that athletes usually can't be bothered to think of anybody but themselves, the notable exceptions being former football player Pat Tillman and minor league hockey player Andy Lundbohm.
In other sports news, England may be forced to play it's international soccer matches in an empty stadium!

Nigerian Elections

Peaceful democratic process in Africa is the exception and not the rule. Nigeria is no different. My homeland has been riven by violent turmoil as long as I can remember and before that too. The recent presidential and parliamentary elections in Nigeria have not been going smoothly. The incumbent, President Olusegun Obasanjo, is winning according to the official word but the opposition party has accused his party of using intimidation tactics, bribery, and fraud to maintain power. I have no doubt the allegations are true. I also believe the opposition is doing the same, however. Corruption is the default assumption in African politics. I wonder what is necessary for democracy to take root in an African Nation. Is the entire continent cursed? Read all about the situation here, here, and here.
By the way, the last two links are from an excellent African news website called AllAfrica.com. The best place to get depressing news about the Dark continent.

Husband charged in disappearance of Laci Peterson and unborn child

What makes this case special? Laci Peterson's disappearance and her likely murder is tragic. Yet there were at least two other pregnant women in California within the last year who disappeared under suspicious circumstances. Is it that her husband is a suspect? Husbands are always suspects? Is it that she was young, beautiful, and with child?
The reason I ask this question is that I saw the story and reflexively I wanted to write about it here. Yet how is it relevant? I don't pretend to write for a news website. Here is the original story from MSNBC.com. Whoa! Scott Peterson was arrested as I was writing this post.
One has to wonder, who gets to decide which stories are newsworthy? Which murders are the grisliest, kidnappings the most heartrending, car accidents the most tragic, robberies the most shocking, foreign events the most important, etc.? Network executives might answer that the public decides indirectly by rewarding the most relevant news media with their ears and eyeballs. I don't think so. Public preference plays a role and is often blamed for the dumbing down of the news; but I don't think that is a fair answer. The news media filters the news to align with their own private agendas and biases. Journalists operate under the pretense of objectivity but most people would agree that "objectivity" is only a smoke screen to protect the journalist. I've come to prefer opinion journalism to straight news reporting since opinion and thus bias is already acknowledged. (at least I think it should be)
So to come full cicle in this blog post, why Laci Peterson? Why her particular tragedy? If her husband had been arrested two weeks earlier would anybody care, or would stories of death and destruction in Iraq been more important?
What is news?

Manned Space Flight!

A secretly built airplane appears to be poised to fulfill the dream of flying into space without the aid of booster rockets. You know what this means? Companies will be able to go bankrupt flying from New York to Jupiter, instead of just New York to Paris. Here's the story on MSBC.com. The most amazing aspect of the story is that the development of the plane was privately developed. It isn't often that private developers conduct successful secret large scale projects of this kind.

Dueling point's of View at Slate

Finally, a journalist has emerged to answer Mike Kinsley directly and he works for Slate! Imagine that, the best answer to Michael Kinsley's constant sniping at the Bush administration comes from one of his own employees. Yesterday, Michael Kinsley accused the Bush administration of favoritism in allocating contracts to rebuild Iraq. The very next day Christopher Hitchens shot back. I don't know what Christopher Hitchens' political persuasion is but he consistently defends conservative positions with a skill and ferocity that warms the heart of Republicans everywhere. I am just curious how long he'll last. If I understand how Slate works Christopher Hitchens will continue working there a long time. However, it would be surprising that anybody who defies their superior as directly as Hitchens does would last any length of time.

Back from Aggieland

I have decided that Texas A&M isn't such a bad place after all. I partied last night with several of Aggieland's finest students and I have to say that the social life there is much better than what I experienced at UTD. One thing though, Aggies drink like fish! Apparently there isn't anything to do in Bryan that doesn't involve imbibing huge quanities of alcohol.

Sudden Insight: Relativity. gravity, and bowling balls...

As a child, I had a strange fascination for relativity theory. I'd pore over encyclopedias for hours reading about gravity equaling curvature, space-time, and squinting at impenetrable equations. Even now, I am prone to protracted discussions about relativity, quantum physics, and the basis of all reality. Last night (this morning) I was engaged in a protracted conversation on the topic of the origin of reality, relativity, etc. when I started talking about gravity being equal to curvature. The metaphor I had eventually settled on in my mind was of a bowling ball sitting on a bed covered in 2 dimensional graph paper bed sheets. The bed sheets would curve underneath the bowling ball and objects on the bed sheet would naturally sink toward the bowling ball. I quickly realized that this metaphor was unsatisfactory. The objects did sink toward the bowling ball but only because of gravity and not any warping of the bed. If this example was held in outer space for instance, it would immediately lose its illustrative qualities.
I was about to go to bed when a better metaphor hit me. What if space-time was an elastic container that warped to restrain massive objects? I envisioned elastic graph paper stretched around large objects embedded in the plane of the paper. Smaller objects moving in the vicinity of the larger object would tend to draw close to the larger object because the larger object had compressed their space in the graph paper. Smaller objects tend to move toward larger objects because they have less room to move! Imagine that objects move only along the lines in graph paper, and that suddenly the graph paper developed a square that was swollen or distended, while the rest of the graph stayed roughly the same size. If you lived in the graph paper and defined your frame of reference from the graph paper you would not see the bending of your space but you would see objects tending closer to the center of the warped area. Looking at gravity this way also explains why gravity is diminished at distance from a mass. The warping is less severe and has less influence on movement. Since there are no visible lines for us to observe or an visible higher frame of reference we cannot percieve the bending and flexing of our space-time.

Not with a Bang...

The war for Iraq appears to be coming to a quiet end. The last major outpost of Saddam's Baath regime, Tikrit, may fall without a battle.

A Worthy Cause

Help a girl out you know? Buy her some enlarged mammary glands! People think (and they are right) that they can get people to give them money for anything.

Stuff that I am reading

If you're ambition is to grow up to be like Idaho (heaven help you, poor fool) than you have to develop a voracious appetite for news. The easiest way to satisfy a lust for intelligent discourse is not the morning newspaper, (well maybe since it is online) or televison news, but internet media. Most newspapers are also available online for free on the day of publication, and there are also numerous independent webzines that publish outstanding opinon articles about all and sundry.
My favorite webzine and one of the few completely free news websites left standing, is Slate magazine. Slate owes its existence to the help of Microsoft (much of Slate's traffic is routed through Microsft's MSN portal) but the quality of the opinions and writing at Slate is ungodly. Slate doesn't attempt to cover the news in the same way MSNBC.com or CNN.com does but the results are more satisfying since you get the news distilled through the lens of an intelligent writer's opinion. My only beef with Slate is that the journalists are overwhelmingly liberal. My beef is mitigated by the fact that the bias is acknowledge rather than covered in a veneer of journalistic integrity.
The next best way to find breaking news is Google News. I don't consult google for news very often, but the results are always satisfyingly comprehensive. Here's a story about UN involvement in post-war Iraq that I just picked up from the google news homepage. If it is out there google will find it.
The bulk of the most interesting material I read are random links picked up from the web from my start page, Slate.com, MSNBC.com, and random web browsing. Here's some stuff I am reading now:

• BuzzMachine
  
• BBC News
  
• Andrew Sullivan
  
• Paul Krugman in the New York TImes
  
• Fashion in the New York Times
  
• Ken Layne
  
• www.mightygirl.net
  
• This gem from an anti-war activist detailing the left's failure to detail alternatives to war.
  
• A discussion of women in the military at Slate.com
  
• My friend's new tatoo.
  

Blogs you should read

I think I am going to start a new feature on my blog to go with my "Sudden Insights". I think I'll call it "Voices of Reason". Every once in a while I run into a a blog written by somebody whose world view, while not an exact mirror of my own, appears to be built on logical foundations and reasonable conclusions and not blind ideology. The world is populated with unreasonable people, who yell and scream to be heard above the din but are usually only adding to the confusion. Most people refuse to listen or change their minds from mere inertia. They have always seen the world in a particular way for whatever reason and they aren't flexible enought to listen to what somebody else has to say. Being unreasonable is worse than unintelligence. A stupid person is hampered by simple ignorance and lack of ability to think. An unreasonable person can hear the truth, ignore it and continue to speak the lies he spoke before in the face of damning evidence. Nick Denton is a Voice of Reason and if I am not mistaken in my reading of Wired Magazine an internet micro-publishing mogul. You should be reading his blog, even if you disagree with what he has to say, really...

Mickey Kaus Explains Why everyone should own a BMW or 350Z

Mickey Kaus's Gearbox column at Slate.com details why rear-wheel drive cars are so much fun to drive. Now I know what to say to my friends when they ask why I like BMW's. Rear-Wheel Drive!

Still trying to get a handle on Wander-lust syndication

I'd been wondering why I couldn't see the last three posts; now I know why - I didn't close the comment tag on the syndication command. I am so stupid sometimes.

Fun For Car Nuts Everywhere
Mickey Kaus's Gearbox column at Slate.com details why everybody should run right out and buy a 350Z. Kaus also explains why BMW's are so much fun to drive.

Stumbling into the Weekend

I feel like I have the beginnings of a nasty cold or the flu and I am really in need of rest; but guess what? It's the weekend! This week went by fast, but today seems like it is dragging and my body seems to be calling on me to let up a little, so I will.
I feel like I am living at a pivotal moment in history, and that I will soon be involved in making history in ways that I do not yet understand. At the same time, I am really just counting the days till I ship out and just watching as other people live their lives at full throttle, while I am idling. The best I can do is prepare and try to entertain myself while I wait.
Lately, I have been getting back some really good modeling pictures. Maybe I will post one or two. In the meantime I think I am going to try find some chicken soup. :-p

Europe Comments on the War and is China hiding something?

Isn't it nice to see that our allies are behind us in the war effort? CNN has comments from various European leaders about the Anglo-American coalition's progress in Iraq. It should be obvious that many European countries have no interest in anyone's security but their own.
Meanwhile, China is busy covering up evidence of a dangerous and possible massive outbreak of disease within its borders. The story is that they actually shipped an American teacher to Hong Kong to avoid having another death on the mainland. It jibes exactly with my theory that China is the new Evil Empire and shouldn't be trusted further than you can throw several billion people at once.

The argument for and against war

The problem about arguing about war is that modern warfare moves with such startling rapidity that the war can start and end before the the interested parties have finished their arguments. An interesting point that could undermine many people's anti-war stance was brought up by William Saletan at Slate today. Those who argue against war should argue for a war that saves more lives than it destroys. Even if that is not the case in this war (too early to know), less collateral damage is the trend. Net loss of life may not be the question now but it will be the next time. Will anti-war advocates be able to justify their arguments if it is known that more innocent people will die if American troops stay home?

P.S. I know why I lost the link to Blogdex. Part of the reason is spelling. It is spelled "Blogdex" and not "Blogodex".

Breaking News, or Other People's articles I was able to dredge up on the search engines

I found that link to blogodex. It is strange that google search doesn't bring up the real blogodex website in the top ten results, but I assure you that does not mean blogodex is irrelevant or not useful. I wonder if it has anything to do with plans google has for dominating blog searching. Even this is unlikely since google is run by conscientious folks who believe strongly in fair play.
A few Iraqi children seemed to be pleased with the result of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Finally I have some ill but old news from a British news paper: One in three French People Have Saddam's back! I wonder what happens now?

Peace! Peace!

Christopher Hitchens puts salt in the wound. I like it :).

Baghdad FALLS!

Baghdad is in American hands.

How Do People muster the Creativity to Create Endless streams of headline titles?

I am overly fond of ironic headline titles and subject lines that are not really titles or subjects.
I am at work and I am in a tie and I am teaching mathematics. The teacher I am subbing for is a discplinarian so the kids are fairly well behaved and probably love me to death since I am not nearly as strict.
Jeez, when is lunch going to come? I find that I become more priitive all the time, and I am more concerned with my elemental needs - you know food, sleep, sex, etc. I find that nearly everything I need is in short supply so I have little time to think about more complex motivations. I am not starving, but I am hungry; I am not exhausted, but I am a little fatigued; and I also don't have enough time (bell just rang) to consider my other "Maslow" needs so I my audience will have to miss out on my clever description of my non-existent love life.

Going to work in a Tie

How many people havew aspired to go to work in shorts and a t-shirt? I understand why now. Tomorrow I resume working in a shirt and tie. I enjoyed the gig as a gym teacher, but it was a bit odd walking around the halls and having teachers ask me for a hall pass - in a middle school. I began to enjoy the teachers confusion, but I will enjoy rejoining the adults. Oddly enough, I have always aspired to go to work in a tie. People respect you automatically then, and respect is one thing my life is short of right now, since nobody has any respect for me.

Breaking News!

Like people visit my site for news about anybody but me? Msnbc.com has an article detailing Saddam's likely demise.

Is Saddam dead?

I sure hope so. I can't find anything using google saying anything about the most recent news. Television says he may have been hit yet again though. This is the most recent story about Saddam being dead on the web. Daypop thinks this is the most relevant story about Saddam's death in the blogosphere. (Whatever happened to blogodex?) No article on the web has any of the most recent information, but the US acquired some intelligence placing Saddam in a building with his son and other top Iraqi officials and destroyed said building, rendering anybody still inside very dead. All anybody is willing to confirm at the moment is that the people inside the building are dead.

Schoolgirl Crush

I am to the point with certain girls in my gym class that kindness has reached the end of its usefulness and cruelty might be in order. I actually had one caress the back of my head and neck today. The girls all seem to think that they can get away with whatever they want to. I think I should paint some gray into my hair, stuff a pillow into my gut and slouch a little. All the teachers mistake me for a student and the kids seem to know most of the time but they don't treat me better. At this point I am beginning to feel like a student. I might go and sit in a class by mistake tomorrow.

Raining Cats and Dogs

Hail was coming down a few minutes ago in Richardson like the wrath of God. My roommate most likely has a ruined windshield on his car. Other than that, we sustained minimal damage. Extreme weather turns my roommates into children, which is fine really. A certain wonderment about the world should be encouraged. For whatever reason, half-inch hail has no mystery or excitement for me. I think it has something to do with being worried that the pelting hail will dent my tender flesh. I mean it only breaks windows...

Heavy Lifting

I am trying to get in shape for the military so I am stepping up my workouts and my lower body workout in particular. This comes at great calorie cost. Today I killed 1,900 calories in about 35 minutes of working out. I also lifted weights so there is no telling what my actual energy consumption was. My aim is too catch up my endurance and leg strength to the rest of my physique. I am hoping it works.

Crazy Kids

Middle school kids are crazy. Seventh and eight graders vary widely in size, have raging hormones, are just discovering the meaning of sex, and never think far enough ahead to see the consequences of their actions.
There is a little spanish girl who is in one of my gym classes who last time I was here inquired on a hypothetical basis whether I'd suck her toes. This week, she told me my legs looked sexy in shorts. (In fact, I have had three different girls comment on my legs. Maybe it's time for long pants?) Another girl ran into the boy's lockerroom; she also commented on my legs. (Are we seeing a pattern here?) Another girl who I had taught in a home economics (well now they call it "life skills") class I subbed for last semester whistled at me and commented on my legs as I walked the halls. Last time I was hear she told me she'd given another teacher a lapdance and always had something shocking to say or do as I passed her in the hall. And that's just the little (or not so little) hispanic girls. I had one girl (not hispanic) come into class with her pants pulled down way past what is normally considered decent so that her underwear showed. I immediately ordered her to pull up her pants. She immediately replied she had to keep them down because she had lost a bet to her cousin. And that is just the girls.
There is a young black kid in one of my gym classes who has received two referrals for fighting in the locker room in three days. His temper is bigger than he is, and he's not much bigger than a chihuahua. I teach boys who apparently believe that there is never a reason horseplay is not acceptable behavior. I work with boys whose behavior problems run so deep, and are so belligerent that I really expect to see their faces on a most-wanted poster some day. And that's just third period.

Another Day in the Life

I have had no less than two teachers mistake me for a middle school student. It doesn't help that I am wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and running shoes. I could argue that I am taller but all the jocks in my 7th period gym class are just as tall.
I am posting from the library of Thomas C. Marsh Middle School where I am going to be teaching gym for a little while. I feel a little guilty having this much fun on the job. I have a good time but the kids less so since I actually make them work out. They all complain that they were supposed to play in gym class. I am. :)

Fat and Happy

I am happy at the moment and mostly because I am well-fed. I also really like teaching physical education. This is one of those rare days that you sit back and say "Life is good."

Scenarios of Gloom and Doom

The current buzz in the media is that the war isn't going great now and is soon to be worse. I would like to believe differently but frankly I don't have enough real information to say otherwise. I can only think of past wars that the media and scattered voices in the defense community said similar things. At the same time these people only need to be right once. Josh Marshall has the most complete and frightening prediction of failure in Iraq yet. Even so, a close reading of his blog post reveals the prediction isn't for military defeat but failure to complete the war objectives. The scenarios are actually more frightening from an Iraqi perspective because all of them predict great suffering in Iraq and one predicts near complete devastation.

War Blogging

Where is Raed? He hasn't posted in a couple of days. Is the power out, the telephone lines down, or is he dead? Who knows. We'll have to wait.
By the way, if you are not getting at least some of your opinion coverage on the war from slate.com, you are missing out - especially if you are a &*$@ liberal.

Quick Link

Good stuff from Will Saletan at Slate about why staying out of Baghdad was the right thing to do.
I still wish that we had killed Saddam by "accident" the first time.

What would you do if you were God?

You know what nobody has said, (that I know of) is that the justification for war could be reduced to "Because we can". There exists a giant power vacuum and the United States is slowly realizing the implications. The US can use this moment in history to shape the future as it pleases. Honestly, given the power it is ridiculous to not expect America to use it. If you had the ability to make the world a better place could you resist the urge to try? If you were Superman could you resist becoming a vigilante? If you were Superman would you have any moral course of action other than vigilantism? What would you say if Superman sat idly by while evil men caused havok and destruction in the world? What have people said about God for allegedly doing the same?
The danger should be obvious by now. America is powerful but not invulnerable. America is intelligent but not all-knowing. America is well-intentioned but not infallible. How can we be sure that the US will always be guided by the better nature of its leaders, especially since America has been governed by convenience in the past. This is where international law should step in and provide guidance. Unfortunately, leadership at the international level has been lacking. Ask yourself why a powerful nation should trust an organization to protect it's interests and the interest of smaller nations - because it is effective, benevolent and fair. The United Nations is none of these things. The United Nations is powerless to govern its member nations (witness the number of nations with alleged civil rights violations on the Security Council for instance) and unwilling to enforce it own rules. The UN is the problem. War isn't the solution but I have yet to see a better alternative.

What do you do

When your down or a little depressed what do you do? Eat? Sleep? Watch TV? I do something you have to be 21 and older to do in most states. I have talked to other people about this and you would be surprised at the extreme things people do when they are depressed. I am just thankful that the vice I picked up doesn't result in immediate physical harm - well at least it shouldn't.
I was in a little bit of a tailspin from the conversation I had with my Dad the other day until my Dad called me and told me he loved me regardless of whether he agreed with me. I couldn't ask for more.

Kissing Halle

Adrien Brody is a smart man. His actions also mean beautiful women will be on their guard at award shows. Oh Well...

Father-Son Chats

Why can't I be like other people?
I had a chat with my Dad today about joining the Army. He was not pleased, and will remain ill-pleased with me quite some time. One of his protests was that I was throwing away my college education. I beg to differ but I also didn't feel like wasting my breath trying to convince him otherwise. My dad is an opinionated person and the best adjective to describe his disposition during an argument is "implacable". I just don't like the feeling that I am wasting my breath talking to somebody about as yielding as a brick wall.

War News

I continue to monitor the war with a kind of sick fascination. I actually hate hearing about it now but curiousity won't let me rest. The reports of Iraqi troops executing US POWS and using civillians to provide cover anger me. I found an excellent war blog called The Command Post. Very up to the minute and more than you could ever want to know about the new War in Iraq. I also found a link to further evidence that the French suck. I actually think we should let them have some role in post-war Iraq, despite my anger at them. At least that way, America doesn't have to pay for everything.

In a happier note, how about those Mavericks!

Racism and Sexism in Education

I was guilty of bigotry today in the classroom. A big athletic black kid walked into the classroom for the eighth period of the class I was substituting for. As a substitute, you learn to identify troublemakers and this boy fit the stereotype to a T. The children I have the most discipline problems with in the classroom are usually black, male, athletic or all three. At first he did nothing to allay my suspicions, talking and laughing fairly loudly. However, when class started, I forgot all about him. I got so tied up dealing with the other students that I didn't notice him, which is a good thing. (at least from my standpoint since I don't know what his grades are like) Toward the end of class I realized how well behaved he had been and was a little surprised. I even commended him on it. Of course, it could easily have been a fluke, and the kid could be a perfect monster.
The situation does illuminate certain things that have been said to me in the past and an opportunity that exists for me. People expect young black men to be irresponsible, disrespectful, and dumb. Any black male who is responsible, respectful, or intelligent is a rare find. I understand now why people have congratulated me for (apparently anyway) being all three. In fact, I am told the Army still operates according to a de facto quota system so I can expect to move up since my superiors will be desperately searching for qualified black men to fill positions. It is a little awkward but I intend to take advantage of it. I could be ashamed I gained advantage due to my race, but children of wealthy family gain advantage due to their social standing, so why not me? Oh well, whatever, race is always awkward for me to deal with.

Continued War Coverage!

I don't like watching the war on television. There is a surreal quality to watching explosions and realizing that unlike the movies, people actually die when you watch explosions on live television. Hearing the report of how the Iraqis executed several of our soldiers after taking them hostage nearly incited me to willful acts of violence. Only, I can't revenge myself against the perpetrators. War is a maddening thing and now it's closer to me than it has ever been before. Facing the reality of war is like staring at a horrible unblinking eye of death. I don't want to see but I can't look away and I keep getting closer and closer... Only when I get close I can see that the eye is really a gaping maw with curved, predatory teeth. Can't you imagine it - bloody gums and teeth dripping saliva, the remains of past victims, and present victims struggling to escape what cannot be escaped?
Did I ever mention that I have a vivid overactive imagination? I am sure that nothing can be as horrible as what I can conjure in my head and I am hoping that if I ever participate in combat that I'll be able to lose myself in the adrenalin rush and the chaos. I don't want time to think. I do however want time to sleep...

War what is it good for?

I read about the war in Iraq with special interest now. The "Shock and Awe" portion of the war has begun and I gather that the Iraqis are properly "shocked" and "awed". Saddam is either dead or injured and apparently exerting no control over his battered war machine. I look on soberly, knowing that soon I will begin training to join the attacking army that has unleashed this shockingly effective wave of destruction. I am joining an organization that exists to bring destruction and death to its enemies. My anxiety is slightly mitigated by the fact that I my job will be to provide emergency medical care. I am going to be protecting life in the valley of death. It's comfortingly contrary.
Did I say I was anxious? I am worried but I am also proud and excited. I have gone from being appalling unproductive to being a soldier, (beware! cliched marketing speech follows!) an army of one. Even better, I won't be an army of destruction, but an army of life and hope.
Somebody please stop me next time I wax poetic.

New Day

I have never felt as much urgency to live my life with purpose as I do now. I feel as if every action, even to what I watch on television, has a significant influence on my future. I feel as if up to this point I had been pretending, wasting my time and other people's money; I was just playing - having a good time at everyone elses expense. Now, I will be responsible for other people's safety - in fact responsible for the safety of the world. I have a grand purpose now and as a result my lesser goals feel less frivolous, less randomly chosen. I am proud to be in the Army.

In The Army Now!

I swore in to the Army yesterday around 3:30 pm.

Peace, Peace, But There Is ...

My biggest beef with those who oppose action in Iraq and cry for peace is that they have no alternative solutions. I'd willingly back any effective solution not involving war. Shoot, I'd even back the one proposed by Jonathan Alter. It's a little crazy but it is extremely bold. (I like that!) It won't happen because there isn't anyone in the UN or in the peace movement with the brains and boldness to actually carry out a real solution. The peace movement is irrelevant just like the UN.

One Hour, ten minutes and Counting down

It's my fifth day at Robert Hill Middle School and I am sure the kids are itchin to be gone on sprin break. I am itching to get home but not glad that sprin break is here, since I can't work when they are not in school. I am hot tired and harried. I have endured a litle over five hours of screaming children and juvenile cajoling for things a teacher wouldn't normally give them. The last class shall feel my wrath.
I was watching college hoops last night and I really feel for the kid on the Kansas St. team who traveled with 1.8 seconds to go to give Colorado the ball back in position to hit the winning basket. I am sure if I had played college ball something similar would have happened.
I am desperately thirsty. :-p

Day 4 of the Robert Hill Experiment

Yesterday I stayed late to prevent a school yard bully from pounding one of my students into a pulp when he disembarked from his bus. The principal eventually took pity on him and drove him home. I hope to have the issue resolved today.
This morning I got to school early, for only the second time in my teaching career. It was odd. I hung out briely in the teacher's lounge and eavesdropped on the conversation there: "A hundred ad sixty dollars a week for daycare! I am in the wrong business. If I didn't hate kids so much I'd start a daycare." Teachers have a interesting way of querying whose class a substitute is working in: "Who are you today?"; "He's been Ms. Soandso all week now." Subbing is nothing if not entertaining.

Day 3 of The Robert Hill Experiment

On my morning stroll from the bus stop this morning I saw a middle school girl pursued through a residential neighborhood by a police officer. I kept right on truckin'. I have since learned to ignore the protestations of young children. I am wondrously well fed today, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed. I want to say because certain of my readers feel slighted (my roommate) that my hunger this week has bee a result of poor planning on my part. I could eat better if I'd just think ahead.
I think I am beginning to really understand how to control a classroom, which now that I have said that guarantees my seventh period class will be an absolute madhouse. Teachers in Dallas public schools displine children with threats, detention, extra homework, and referrals to the principals office. I used to write lots of referrals but I understand that referrals are like a police officer's gun. One is doing a ood job when he doesn't need to use it.

Robert Hill Middle School Day 2

If I was any more tired and hungry I think I would die. I ate sumptuously at my paren't house last night, but didn't sleep till round 2 AM this morning. I got up at 7:00 AM (late as usual) and rushed out the door. I did manage to eat a bowl of cereal in the 35 minutes it took me to shower and dress, but I feel just the same as if I had skipped breakfast. I think next time I'l have to find something higher calorie. Lunch will be worse. I didn't have the foresight to check what was available last night and all I could find in the freezer this morning were frozen non-microwavable beef pot pies. Not good at all. I can see I have a looong day ahead of me.

Bobby Knight

He's an ornery cuss, but I think one has to respect him.

Back to School

It's an odd time to be going back to school (it is the week before spring break) but I haven't substituted since Thanksgiving and it actually feels good to be doing it again. I had reams of substantive writing to do but for the life of me I can't remember what about.
My biggest worry currently is vanity. This whole model thing is going to my head. It is increasingly difficult to be objective about how I look when the job entails people constantly telling me how good I look. I must say however that I am drop dead gorgeous.
My next biggest worry is food. It would be a little easier if had money and other people weren't always buying my food but alas, I dine on my roommates supply of Snack Ramen which is very nutritious indeed. (70% of the recommended daily value for cholestrol and no protein or vitamins!) I ate a granola bar for breakfast and for lunch I grabbed a Michelina's brand microwave dinner. YUM! Maintaining a healthy diet is going to be a challenge to say the least.
This blog post was brought to you courtesy of Jesse D. Barnes who provided me with transportation to this substituting assignment.

Sudden Insight

I came to the realization the other day that I am completely for the death penalty in principle but I would have great difficulty ever administering it in our current legal system. I belive that no one should ever be convicted of a crime and punished unless there is no doubt that he is guilty. The people or person deciding should be certain that he and no one else commited the crime. Yet we not only send people who are innocent to jail, we also execute them. Obviously, something is fundamentally wrong with our system. I believe what is wrong is that the courts have passed the point of information saturation and reached a point of information irrelevance and disinformation. Technology has advanced so far that we are able to collect thousands of pieces of data, but sadly the ability of the decision makers to parse the data has not kept stride. Courts often call in experts but usually in the form of expert witnesses. These witnesses have been called because they will support one side of the case. In the end judges and jurors are left to choose not based on evidence but on credibilty or from the preponderance of data presented by one side which is really a function of resources. That is to say, the side with the most money wins.
The adversarial system of law is broken. It is engineered to produce justice from competion. Two sides compete and it is hoped that justice will prevail. Justice cannot prevail unless the competitors are competing to ensure justice. Lawyers now compete only to win. This leaves judges and jurors to sort out the mess wiht fewer resources than the lawyers. What is needed is limits for expenditure by either side in civil and criminal preceedings and no limits on what can be spent by judges to illuminate the case using impartial expertise. Power needs to be taken from the combatants and given to the referee. Bingo! Justice is served.

My Plan for my Life

I am very carefully considering various career options and my problem is that too many paths lie before me and no impetus pushing me toward one or the other.
• I could teach. It would be hugely rewarding; I’d be giving back to the community and I like dealing with children. The downside is that I don’t want to teach very long (two years at most).
• I could join the military. It would be cool in that I could have a job title that included the word “badass”. I could learn Mandarin Chinese, practice kung fu, shoot big guns, learn covert ops, wear a uniform, pick up chicks, get money to go back to school, and travel the world. The fine print is that any job title that included the word “badass” in it would also have an increased likelihood of getting shot by a guy named “Fahd” who hates all American bastards (maybe I could tell him I’m Nigerian?) or I could just suffer one of any number of horrible fates like the ones we see in the movies (getting vaporized, tortured, dismembered, maimed, poisoned, stabbed, crushed, or beaten). All the while, I’d live by strict rules with people who (by many accounts) are mostly idiots and answer to men who tell me that my name is “Maggot”.
• I could continue to look for a job programming. The upside is that I really like programming. So much so, that on several occasions I ended up doing other people’s school programming projects for the sheer hell of it. (I used to lock myself in my bedroom and write code into the wee hours of the morning, decide the code wasn’t good enough, throw it away and start over the next day.) The downside is that the market is tight and employers are only hiring people with Masters degrees, years of experience, or perfect 4.0 GPA’s to go along with their undergraduate Computer Science degrees. I have none of those things. (I do have a degree but it turns out all the job applicants do and I am not special. I want to be special!)
• I could go back to school. I like hanging out there and everybody’s doing it. I could get a degree in literature and try for a higher GPA this time around. I could try out again for soccer, (the very thought makes my feet itch) prepare for grad school, get a teaching certificate, maybe even brush up on my Spanish. The downside is that I am already approaching 24 in June. I would be in danger of becoming a career student.
So there you have it. I’d say that I am at a fork in the road but really I think it looks like spokes on a wheel. All of them lead in completely different paths and I keep trying to do all of them. It’s enough to make a guy crazy.
P.S. if You're reading this Jen, Yes, I stole the last two posts from an email I wrote you. It's a bad habit which I promise to quit when I stop writing email at 4 am.

I Hate The UN Because

1. Every country in the world is a member. Saddam Hussein and Slobodan Milosevic murdered thousands of their countrymen yet neither Iraq nor Yugoslavia had its membership suspended. These countries were allowed to send representatives despite obvious despotism and corruption.
2. America pays for everything. This is bad because other countries have no incentive to cooperate and no stake in the outcome. People always learn to resent those who give them the most money. People DO bite the hand that feeds them.
3. The UN never acts. The solution is always more conversation, diplomacy, treaties, and inaction disguised as international cooperation. The organization is a SHAM. People died in Africa because Kofi Annan wouldn’t intervene in Angola. (Ironic, since he is African.) People died in Yugoslavia. People are dying in Iraq and will die in large numbers if Saddam is not eliminated. I have no confidence in the UN to stand up and act when action is necessary. Justice has no friends at the UN. Other countries use the UN as an extended platform for national politics and a forum to shout down the “ugly Americans”. The UN is an organ of ridicule, a “whited sepulcher”, an anachronism. I hate the UN.

Weekend

Weekends, weekdays - they are all the same to me now. Well, other than the fact that on the weekends my roommates are home. Friday night I suffered great embarassment in the name of friendship. I am hoping that my experience strenghtens my hand in the ongoing friendly verbal skirmish. I have the sneaking suspicion that it won't as much as I had hoped. Certain people refused to be ashamed.
I am a little ashamed. Someone gave Walt and me expensive tickets to the Stars game last night, featuring no less than a hockey demi-god, Mario Lemiuex. I had the temerity to doze off. I thought it was a wonderful game and I am a Stars fan. I just find it difficult to get worked up over anything less than playoff hockey. It just doesn't seem to mean a lot and I barely understand the game to begin with. :-p
About those pictures, I should post them sooner or later. I know ya'll are just dying to see them.

Get your Idaho Posters!

I just got this CD delivered to my doorstep. On it are 10 high resolutions photographs of me. These pictures are literally big enough to make posters from. At the same time I have three envelopes full of prints from another photo shoot done with me as the subject. I am very quickly piling up a lot of pictures of me. I think I am going to decorate my next apartment with photographs of me. It will be the ultimate statement in narcissism. I know what you are saying... that you want to see. (Oh wait, you're also asking me how I could be that conceited. It's easy you should try sometime.) The pictures that I really like are also really huge. I need webspace to post them. The others are smaller and I could post them but I am lazy and it's time for me to workout and it's approaching 12:30 AM. So I am going to leave you in suspense and I am going to go lift some weights.

I am back for the first time

Is it actually required that the titles I put on these posts actually have anything to do with what I write? I am very quickly running out of title ideas, nearly as quickly as the school children and workplace malingerers are running out of "snow day" excuses. The beautiful white ice on the ground is turning to an unattractive brown slush (well I suppose parents and frustrated managers might think that brown is a wonderful color) while children and frustrated workers weep that their unexpected winter holiday comes to an end. I have a definite job interview Friday and another Saturday. I saw Trent from the soccer team today at Express. The man was only the linchpin of the UTD defense and maybe the best player. Living where I do is actually comforting because I see UTD people quite often. I don't feel so out of my element or off balance when I am seeing familiar faces. What bothers me though are the people who I remember well enough to clearly identify as UTD students but can't remember their names. The problem is that I literally never forget a face but can't always match a name to that face because I never learned it the first time. People whose names I remember get the "glad reunion" treatment - name yelled at the top of my lungs, "How you doing? Graduated yet? No, I am looking for a job now...". People usually look startled, quickly glance around, smile, speak the customary chit-chat, and sometimes girls hug. (While I am on the subject of hugs, I have to say that I really miss getting hugs everyday. I got into the habit because one can never feel anything but better after a good hug. I think I have had maybe five hugs in a year since. I am experiencing serious withdrawal.) Sometimes you exchange phone numbers, (I never remember to ask for one. I think people feel insulted and never call for that reason, or maybe people think I am lame and really don't want to hang out with me but don't want to hurt my feelings. Take your pick.) and then you leave and try not to bump into them again. At least I do, because I really have nothing to say after the first time and I don't want to look like a stalker. Maybe, if I could get a pen and a pad and just write my conversations with people in awkward situations I'd feel more at ease. Actually speaking the words I write in my head to someone I haven't spoekn to in a year is uncomfortable.
You know, this has been a Seinfield post. A lot of verbiage produced with no significant topic in mind. I just sat down and recored for posterity a big fat jumble of words with the nutritional benefit of a cinammon bun. I'd say more about politics and world events but I am about tapped out on the issues of the moment. I have Iraq fatigue and Korea ennui. The endless babble of European diplomats demanding more time for a peaceful solution has exhausted my capacity for patience and attention. I could go on about the amazing feats of Michael Jordan's apparent successor in the hearts and minds of basketball fans everywhere, but what I could I really add that hasn't already been said. It's times like these that make you think, "Wow I just rambled on for an hour writing a post that six people will read for ten minutes, and it is now nearly midnight and you wanted to watch that simply shocking movie From Hell (warrants the adjective 'ill') so maybe it's time for people like me to actually try to get some sleep at night."

Sudden Insight

My beef with movie critics specifically and critics of the arts in general is that the criticism is unworthy. It is one thing to be criticized by a teacher of the art or someone who at the very least is capable of doing similar work, but to see something criticized by someone who is merely a lover of the form leaves me cold. Music critics should be musicians; film critics, film makers; and art critics, artists. Literary critics in general are writers themselves, (especially since writing a coherent critique requires writing skill) so on the whole I find literary reviews to be more relevant. The problem is that film makers are supposedly very bad at critiquing another filmmaker's work, even musicians have albums they are ashamed to admit to owning, and every artist I have ever heard talk about any supposed work of art is relentlessly and stultifyingly positive about even the most uninspired works. Literary criticism has the curious advantage of being a critique in the same medium as the work delivered. Not possible with say... a review of the latest Shania Twain album.

Trekking in a Wintry Texan Landscape

Anyone driving north on Interstate 75 around 11:40 PM might have noticed three men running on the icy field toward the underpass. Had you seen them you might have murmured to yourself under your breath, "What idiots!". I was one of those "idiots". The two idiots accompanying me were my roommates, Walt and Jesse.
We woke up fairy early this morning, considering the hijinks of the night before, and decided that the depravations of the previous night were not enough. Work was forsaken, (Well for the most part, I don't actually have a job and one roomie did go to work after discovering he was the only one of his colleagues not already in attendance; however, he rarely ever accompanies us) and we began to cast about for what we should do. Walt, that ever flowing fount of mischief, discovered that public transportation in our native metropolis was free. Immediately, he and I decided to go as far away as we could for free. Going far entailed going to Fort Worth again.
We quickly threw together some supplies and very nearly skated over the icy roads (the experience was exactly like skating for me since I was in fear of falling nearly every step of the way) to the nearest mall, Collin Creek. I proceeded to hand-deliver nine job applications I had toiled over the previous day while the others bought food. We caught the trolley to the train station and first rode north away from our destination after watching the train headed south leave as we disembarked from the trolley. (It is a rule carved in stone that any long journey invloving we three must involve some backtracking.)
The journey south got off to an inauspicious start when a DART employee stopped the train just shy of the station and attempted to pry the doors open. They didn't budge at all. Several attempts were made until finally were told to switch trains two stops down from our starting point. We spent the rest of the time reading magazines and playing card games that Walt attempted to teach us. I say "attempted" since it appears that Walt never properly learned them himself.
In Fort Worh, we boarded a bus headed toward TCU only to be delayed when we witnessed the bus - in suuuuuuuuuuper slow motion - hit a parked vehicle. In the minute it took the bus to slide sideways toward the Mitsubishi Montero on the side of the road, the general consensus on the bus was: barring a miracle, the owner of the Montero would soon be the proud owner of two and a half tons of scrap. Do you believe in miracles? A miracle saved the Montero from serious damage. As if by magic,the driver was able to straighten a bus that had been sliding sideways toward the disabled vehicle so that it was parallel. It was only nearly parallel. The accident was significant enough to warrant a police report, so we were delayed at least another forty-five minutes. We got off the bus on the TCU campus and actually ate the simply wonderful cafeteria offal catered by Marriot with a few friendly coeds. We even made time for a short campus tour.
The highlights of the rest of the journey were my victory over Walt at chess at a coffee shop (while Jesse explained I should have beaten him within the first four moves), Our frenzied search for an entrance to the train station as the last train from Fort Worth for the entire day made ready to leave, and the aforementioned romp through the snow by the idiots three.

Snow in Dallas!

There is something about seeing the world covered in an inch of white stuff that does things to the mind of children everywhere - especially children over the age of 21. Kids might throw some snowballs or build a snowman. An apartment full of young men is a hotbed of dangerous machismo, overflowing testosterone, and outrageous pranks. Men my age tend to have guns, alcohol, fireworks, gadgets, and silly ideas in abundance. It's not that small children don't have silly ideas, they just lack the means to carry them out. My roommates and I on the other hand...
I wanted to say something about this Iraq mess. Please can we invade them soon and just get it over with for crying out loud? Prolonging the process is cruel and dangerous. We are not helping the Iraqi people with our sanctions or by leaving the cruel meglomaniac in charge. War would almost be a mercy at this point. In fact, I think that sanctions are cruel and war is merciful by comparison for the same reason I think it is better to spank a child than it is to ground him. Prolonged punishment doesn't do more to correct the fault but it does cause the person punished to hate you. The shortest possible punishment is always the most merciful. I'd like all the peaceniks out there to ask themselves how many children have died as a result of sanctions compared to how many would die in a war? (With America's precise weaponry the numbers are actually comparable if Sadaam doesn't use the human shield strategy.)

Sundaaay Mooooorning!

Ok so it's actually Sunday afternoon, but I wanted to make the reference for those who would understand it. I need to find somebody to write a letter of recommendation for my Teach For America application should my letter of intent or my essay impress them enough. (which is doubtful and my academic record will definitely not impress them)
You know I had a Sudden Insight I wanted to post but I can't remember it anymore. The world will just have to do with that particular nugget of wisdom.

A Beautiful Saturday Morning

What do I have planned? I dunno. But somehow I think that is ok today.

What's a Rack Daddy?

A country that America may start bombing soon.
There are those who say we should take care of Bin Laden first. These people are absolutely right. There are those who say we should address North Korea first. These people will get no argument from me on that point. The problem is we can't. The government knows about as much about Osama Bin Laden's whereabouts as I know about the new Levi Jeans that I haven't been able to find since I moved. (If you find a pair of low rise 34x34 Levis I will give you 5 bucks to bring them back, seriously...) North Korea either has nukes or is close enough that, civillians in Seoul, South Korea would glow green at night should we even threaten retailation. A fight in North Korea would be a civillian blood bath of the worst kind that the United States is desperately trying to avoid, especially since the kiddies would be upset when the electronic goodies for their Playstations and Walkmans burn to a crisp in the mortar fire.
We can stop Iraq from reaching North Korea's postion of power. I am surprised that no one else has noticed that North Korea has by the family jewels. The media should be having a field day with this.

STILL ILL

This whole extended bed rest thing is for the birds. I think I am the victim of a nasty sinus infection. My head and not just my nasal passages are full of ugly, yellow mucus. YUM!!

I am Ill

I would like to think that I am "ILL" in the same sense of the word used by Kid Rock, The Beastie Boys, and their ilk; but I know I am "ill" in the other sense of the word. I have been that way since Thursday night I think. It's funny - not exactly sure when.
I need help chosing what to watch next from my roommates' DVD collection. I have actually watched most of the movies that I care to see already. I am stumped.
I think that since I am home now I should take advantage and get back to work on my movie scripts. I even have new ideas for one I started a while ago and never finished. (Not like I have finished any of them....)