Lend a Hand?

Liberal interest groups complain volubly about the war in Iraq but conveniently ignore the things they could do to help the people of Iraq. Why aren't more feminists talking about women's rights in Iraq? Why isn't the ACLU helping support an independent Iraqi judiciary? Why don't we hear more about humanitarian groups sending their support?
I know it is dangerous - I was there. But you don't have to be there to help. Many American troops would be glad to do certain tasks and there are surprisingly many relatively safe areas that humanitarian groups could work from. Put your money wear your mouth is.
Christopher Hitchens had this idea first and argues more effectively than I have in an article at Slate.com.

Female Army Captains win Beauty pageants

Two female Army captains won the Mrs. Texas International and Mrs. Virginia America pageants. And they said that all the pretty girls joined the Air Force.
http://www4.army.mil/ocpa/print.php?story_id_key=7696

Burn! Hollywood Burn!

There are certain people who are worried about Hollywood being in a "Death Spiral". Do I think that Hollywood is in danger? Yes. Am I worried? (Insert R rated expletive here) No! Nothing would make me happier than Hollywood crashing and burning like the Hindenburg blimp. In fact, I think we should help it along. The article in Slate outlines the problem and a few possible solutions or stop gaps to keep Hollywood's aging business model on life support. I would like to outline a possible sabotage tactic.
The danger Hollywood is in is self-imposed. First-run movies are in trouble because DVD's are sold so soon after the movie premieres. Hollywood used to have a 6 month moratorium on video sales after a movie premiered. DVD's and specifically children's DVD's changed that. Now studios often target peak retail periods by releasing movies to the home video market as soon as 3 months after a box officer premiere, robbing the box office of vital dollars. The studio makes more money overall but at the expense of their movie distribution departments and the major movie theater chains. The major movie studios cannibalized the box office market for a quick buck. Now the major studios fear that their treasured box office is in jeopardy. WHO CARES!
I think a small but determined group of movie-goers could push the situation over the brink with one simple rule: Never see a movie in the first week. Studios depend on huge blockblusters with ridiculously profitable opening days to make money. I don't have specific numbers but I am willing to venture that 50% of a movie's box office gross comes in the first week and much of that in the first day. If the studios were denied that initial influx of profit they would likely panic. Movie-goers could continue all their usual purchasing habits and the studio executives would still stagger out of their high-rise offices in consternation.
The fear in major studios circles is that the demise of the box office would damage marketing and promotion. Studios believe that even the home video market is dependent on the box office to promote the DVD's they sell. I think anything that undermines the movie industry as it stands now is a healthy thing. I for one am already standing breathlessly, waiting in line for the next "Austin Powers" sequel and I think that the executive who greenlighted the project "Dude, Seriously Where is my Car" deserves recognition for his daring and genius.
I just need to come up with a way to spread my idea. I have ideas though...
Here is the first part of the article about the "Hollywood Death Spiral" and here is Part 2.

Check out my car!

This is my car!

Guerilla War Negotiation Tactics Guide to Buying a Used Car

I recently bought a used car and I want to gloat about the great deal I got. I also want to share some of the techniques I used to get that great deal. I want to note two things before I begin: I would never buy a new car. New cars are terrible investments because of the immediate depreciation. I hate owning something that isn't worth what I am paying. New cars do have a slight reliability advantage (warranty) and come with that new car smell. Someday when I have too much money to care if I waste a little I'll start buying new cars. Most likely, I'll be too old to enjoy my purchase, and will be buying tiny red sports cars to boost my sagging ego. Second, I would never buy a car outright with cash because if I had that much money to spend, it would probably be best spent elsewhere. (A down payment on a house for instance)

1. Plan your Attack: Those of you who read this blog know that I recently returned from Iraq. The austere living conditions allowed me plenty of time to think and I was able to spend this time thinking about what I would do when I returned. I used the extra money I was earning at the time to pay of some old credit card bills I accrued in college and I managed to save up a little money. I even loaned my brother some money to pay tuition at college. (I am not however an angel, I spent the majority of the rest of the money on DVD's, XBox games, and expensive designer clothes. A shout out to my favorite online retailers Amazon, Bluefly, Levis, The Gap, and Figleaves. I should own stock in those companies considering how much I have meant to their bottom line.) Having good (well ok, fair) credit and a large down payment widen your options and allow you to operate from a position of strength.
2. Decide what you want: It is helpful to know what one is looking for in a car in terms of performance, gas mileage, price, mileage, etc before arriving at the dealership. One can quickly eliminate most of the cars on the lot and concentrate on just the ones you want. It is even more helpful to have a make and model already picked out. Even if you don't purchase the Porsche 911 you had your heart set on, the dealer can still get you a sweet deal on a car just like it since he has a good idea of what you like.
3. Take advantage of the kindness of strangers: Dealers offer various enticements to get you into the dealership. Take everything you can. I am not sure how eating free pizza or bumming a ride from employees of the dealership helped me buy a car but I had fun doing it.
4. Have no loyalty: If you have an existing relationship with lenders or dealers by all means take advantage, but you shouldn't hesitate to bolt if you can find a better deal.
5. Arrange financing beforehand: I lucked out on this one (because I didn't do it!) but knowing where the money is being borrowed from is an important part of negotiating from a position of strength.
6. Realize that your smiling salesman/saleswoman is probably a scumbag: If you trust the dealer and his sales staff too much they will take advantage. They have to. Sales personnel only make money when you buy a car and will do everything they can to sell you one. Dealerships are looking to maximize profits on every car sold and have no qualms about making a buck off of an unsuspecting customer. Besides, you should be intensely suspicious of someone who is always smiling. Especially, if his smile reminds you of a shark.
7. Do research: I got an assist on my brother on this one, but doing research will give you a definite leg up in negotiations since the dealer will have more difficulty swindling you of your hard earned money with bogus claims about the lemon sitting in his lot. The internet is critical for this since it is a large repository of impartial (ok maybe not impartial but at least you didn't get it from the dealer) observations about cars. You will want to compare prices for vehicles with similar mileage and age.
8. Take a friend or at least a cell phone: It is great to have a friend to play devil's advocate. When negotiating stop at intervals to go confer with your friend. Even if you are just discussing baseball, the sales personnel will get nervous and feel pressured to sweeten the deal. Your friend can interject at inopportune moments with comments like "I saw that car for a grand less at the dealership next door. I think we should leave." What can be even more effective is bringing a cell phone along. When negotiating terms for purchasing my car, I would call my brother up to confirm details the salesman gave me and compare prices. I even had him pay for a twenty-five dollar membership at Carfax.com so I could check the history of a car I was considering. The salesman actually thought I was talking to another dealership when I would call him to compare prices; I should have let him continue to think that.
9. Comparison shop: Once you zero in on the car you want, you will want to know if you can get a better deal elsewhere. There will almost always be a car with a lower price somewhere else. You can try this gambit: Choose the cheapest car you you can find within 25 mi. Of your zipcode on Autotrader.com. There will most likely be car several thousand dollars cheaper than the one you are looking at. This car will most likely be a lemon. That is fine. You can still use it as leverage during negotiations. The dealer most likely will suspect that the car is a lemon too and try to dissuade you from considering the cheaper car on these grounds. Make a show of checking out the car (Carfax.com!) and reporting that there is nothing wrong with it. Remember that just because you check a car on Carfax doesn't mean it can't be a lemon. Cars often have serious problems that go unreported. (A friend told me that one important thing to check for is rust. Have the dealer raise the bottom of the car so you can inspect the underbelly for rust). If the cheaper car is not a lemon and the dealer is reputable you can always save time by just buying the cheaper car. Or if you are a sadist like me and like to see grown men and women squirm you can wait around longer and continue negotiations. The object of any negotiations with a dealer should be to find the lowest price he can sell to you for. Your offers should be realistic but low enough to force a favorable compromise. Start with the price of your lemon or a random lowball offer and work up slowly. Ignore the sales personnel's petty tricks; my sales man tried to sneak a higher offer by me by offering a proposed deal that included monthly payments but omitted the most important detail - the overall price.
10. Be unconventional: Dealers resort to cheap theatrics all the time. Do not be afraid to use some of your own. I walked off the lot during negotiations no less than three times. I yakked on my cell phone to my brother about car prices in full view of the sales staff. I used a car with bald tires, a beat up paint job, and a rusted underbelly to force them to lower their asking price. I had fun doing it too.
11. Be ruthless: Negotiating to buy a car is like negotiating a peace treaty with the North Koreans. Neither side really trusts the other and has good reasons not to. You shouldn't feel bad about hardball negotiating tactics as long as you do not do anything overtly dishonest or illegal. The dealer is doing the same thing you are. All is fair and love and war; guerilla warfare and used car negotiaions are the worst.
12. Have fun: If I thought I could get away with it, I would sell the Jetta and buy a new car everyday. Just don't start gloating until you leave the parking lot. Car dealerships look askance at people doing victory dances in the back of someone else's pickup truck.

Have leave form will travel

I can't say with absolute certainty due to security restrictions on military space available travel but I am going to be sitting on a beach in Hawaii very soon.

MoBlogging!

I am a moblogger now! There might be a SNAFU with the picture, but I do have a camera phone from which I can post pictures.

I am home!

It's great to be home. I was unable to locate anywhere to logon the internet but I did locate the local club scene. I have been busily partying since Friday when I got off the plane. The 1-503D landed in Colorado Springs Friday morning and landed on the police blotter that night. Our battalion did manage to avoid the dreaded DUI so we were somewhat well behaved.
Our reception in Colorado Springs has been overwhelming. The local populace is very knowledgeable about the military and knows which units are being re-deployed to Fort Carson. They also know that we spent a year in Korea before that. The local merchants have extended discounts on clothes and various consumer goods for our benefit. The local female population has even made efforts to embrace the returning soldier. We are very happy.
I am going to be on the move again either Friday or Monday. I am hoping to be in Hawaii in a week. Have fun folks.

Geeking out

Check out the new periodic table! Ain't it cool?

May I speak freely?

I am no longer constrained (much) by the rules of OPSEC because well there is nothing really happening.
I am in Kuwait (as I say that I cringe reflexively because of a year of OPSEC rules)and AAFES (Army, Air Force Exchange Service) scheduled a bazaar in the camp that the 1-503D has taken up temporary residence in. I walked in out of curiosity and was accosted by several vendors. There are few things more surreal or laugh inducing than being told by a bearded, un-hip-looking Arab man to "Hook it up Dog! Check it out!" I did my best not collapse into an avalanche of giggles.
Iraq was hot this time of year, but the heat in Kuwait lies at the threshold of tolerability. Hell must be especially close to the surface in this part of the world. Home (or at least Colorado) is so close at this point that I might just explode.
By the way, for those of you planning to grow human brains in chimpanzees here is an article in the NY Times with some handy ethical guidelines.

An environment of pain, suffering, and violence

I motivate myself with self abuse when I work out. I scream, grunt, and curse. I like loud music when I lift weights. I am trying to create an environment of pain, suffering, and violence when I work out. It works pretty well for me. Working out is usually a social activity but for me perhaps, exercise should be a solitary activity.
I was in the weight room the other day trying to motivate myself between sets and began talking to myself: "You said you wanted to step up the ************* intensity, so step it up!"
I thought I was speaking under my breath but the opened-mouth stare of a man just a few feet from me told me otherwise. I immediately explained between laughs that I was talking to myself and meant no offense. I suppose I was lucky he wasn't bigger.

Chillin'

I make a point of not talking about what goes on in Iraq to the point of paranoia. I also realize that many of the people who read this website have ways of getting this information without me. So most of you know what it is that I am not talking about. So I don't even need to talk about whatever it is that I am not talking about, and... this is getting tiresome. Just check your email for crying out loud! (A good place to find things I don't talk about are at Ryan Kirk's blog and at the Family readiness page)
There are those in my platoon who have been visiting my website from time to time and directing others to visit. I think they might be a little disappointed in what they find or don't find on the blog. For instance, there are no pictures here! Imagine that. Have fun reading.
As the title suggests, I am just chillin'. Just a little longer...

Male Badunkadunk

Long time ago, when Napster was cool, I downloaded an MP3 called "Britney Curses". Indeed, it did have Britney Spears cursing up a blue streak backstage with her mother before a concert. The funniest thing about the audio clip though was not the profanity, it was Britney's chagrin at her inability to fit into a pair of pants: "These pants are too small, I grew!"
Well, I am not laughing now, since I have the same problem. I've been lifting weights and doing squats and lunges as if they were going out of style for a while now and I have seen results all over. The one result I didn't see was in the back, especially since I never look at that.
So now I've got "Ghetto Booty" so bad that my platoon sergeant gave me all his extra large PT shorts so people would stop staring. The truth is I don't care if people stare. Of course, I would be happier if they were female but attention can be used to advantage.

Tooting My Own Horn and other topics

I was on a vehicle convoy today with my eyes fixed on the road when my mind began to wander. Minds do tend to wander when driving through Iraqi sandstorms. I should have my own list of public appearances like actors do at imdb.com. So, here is my lists of public appearances:

• 1999? I appeared in a piece done by a local news station (Channel 4? I think the station is now Channel 11 or most likely I just remember wrong) about the supposed danger of drinking Mountain Dew. Broadcasters interviewed various University of Texas at Dallas students about what they knew about Mountain Dew.
• Fall/Winter 2003. I appeared in a segment CNN did on the 91W "Combat Medic" at Fort Sam Houston. The rest of my time at Fort Sam Houston, I was known as the "star" for my CNN interview even though in the actual segment that was broadcast, I say nothing during the interview and when I do speak it is only to shout "Move! Let's move!" at my team as we struggled through a patrol during a field exercise.
• June 2004. I made a radio appearance on "The Edge" morning show in Dallas. I did get on the show through rather dubious circumstances, but it never ceases to amaze me how comfortable complete strangers feel about laughing at me. I suppose it doesn't help that most of the time I am laughing too.

I also sang the national anthem in a smallish group in Basic Training for Family Day. That was actually a lot of fun since most of the choir failed to show up but the people who did (excluding me most likely) had really great voices. We rocked the house in front of thousands of parents, friends, and family.

I sang the national anthem again in AIT at the change of command ceremony and at graduation. The first time the group was so polished and powerful that I felt out of place singing along. I kept wondering when someone was going to walk up and say "Ya'll sound great, but Edokpayi..." We didn't sound as good at graduation, mostly because key members of the group were missing. (Radka, buddy where are you?) Also, I know for a fact that I sounded terrible that day since I was nursing a nasty cold which became a full blown case of influenza as soon as I got home. I also really didn't care how I sounded since I was going home the same day.

I also sang in the choir and did numerous skits in church, back when I actually still attended church regularly and not just the chaplain's meetings so I could tell my mom I went. I was told that I was actually quite funny. Now when I get the urge to perform, I tell the other medics a few jokes and they tell me that I have a day job for good reason and I should never quit.

In other news, Backstreet is Back! This not good news. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. As a male who listened to more Backstreet back in the day than he'd care to admit, I have less room to talk then most, but I think Backstreet should make room for new pop acts. Pop music is designed to be disposable. If a band aims to be something more, fine. But, lets face it Backstreet was never really anything more than bubble gum music for the kids, or a guilty pleasure for adults. No matter how tunefully, or soulfully they sing, the Backstreet Boys are still singing meaningless love songs aimed directly at teenage angst. The problem is that pop stars used to fade into obscurity or grow up. Now because of the amount of money they earn and the amount of money they could earn they have incentive to do neither. What they are doing is waiting until the kids who originally listened to them have grown up and moved on. When the old fans have grown up they target the next generation. Guess what? If you were fifteen in 1998 and listened to the Backstreet Boys, they probably don't want you back. They're after your younger sister, who now buys more CD's than you do and still has the ability to lead your parents around by the purse strings. Such is life.

Camminati I hope you're reading!

Independence Day In Iraq!

Have a safe and happy Independence Day! I did if you leave the "safe and happy" part out.

Freedom isn't Free, especially if you are poor

Something that annoys many soldiers is how a certain class of people seem to be oblivious to the fact their countrymen are fighting and dying. Oh when they see you in person, they seem concerned enough, but not enough to fight themselves or do anything about the war.
There is a group of people, a warrior class, who serve, who fight, and who die. Their parents sacrificed, their children join the military, and they even meet their spouses in the service. The problem is that the military can't meet recruiting goals just by recruiting these people and their children. People say they support the troops and send care packages, but the support we need most they won't provide.
It seems to me that freedom isn't free unless you are rich enough to not care.

Where my money goes

Even when I am not stranded in a desert, I spend an inordinate amount of time online. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't spend money online, but I do - in bundles. I spent $400 this week at bluefly.com . Why? I really wanted those Dolce & Gabbanna jeans. I don't even really need more jeans, or sweaters for that matter, which is the what I spent the other $300 or so dollars on. I am already buying fall clothes when all I wear is desert camoflauge and it's 100+ degrees outside! I think I might need counseling.
Don't even get me started on Amazon. I've spent so much money there that I should own stock. What's worse is that I primarily order DVD's, and I really only ever watch them once. Sad. Even used, I think I would need to watch the DVD at least four times to get a decent return on investment. Luckily for my financial well-being, I have temporarily kicked the Amazon habit. I can't order any more DVD's since my time in Iraq grows short.
By the way, bluefly.com has a fashion blog, flypaper, that's diverting in a catty fashionista sort of way. I visit every so often even though I am never sure why.

More Introspective Claptrap

I was navel-gazing recently and I realized that there was one aspect of my trip home that I didn't enjoy as much as I could have - the never ending quest for female companionship. I didn't miss out completely now, but I think I could have done better.
Like most males my age, I primarily seek out shallow, short lived relationships with women. There are men that are happy with that. I don't know that I can be. Men brag about the number of women they are seeing and how beautiful all their potential mates are, but I don't think that men honestly place that much importance on a woman's physical attractiveness. What men do consider to be important is their status in the eyes of other men. Men seek approval from other men of the women they date. There are women that many men would be perfectly happy with if not for fear of the disapproval of their friends.
My argument is an oversimplification, the reasons men seek out beautiful women are slightly more complex than what I have said, but I think that peer pressure is out there. Men put their friends under pressure to meet girls and meet only girls that they approve of.
I also think that another problem is that approaching a woman for a one night stand is easier than trying to find long term intimacy. Seriously, I could see myself approaching a women and saying casually "I think you and me should hit the hay." (and given my charm and shattering good looks women just might say "ok!") How do you ask for a meaningful, longlasting relationship and where do you find girls who want the same? I can't exactly see myself approaching a woman and saying, "I think you and I should have a meaningful, longlasting relationship."
Then of course, it isn't like my lifestyle is conducive to meeting girls in the first place. Women don't seem to like it when you only come around two weeks every year.
I am seriously amazed that anybody ever gets married.

Talking and not saying anything

I am going to continue this blog's habit of studiously avoiding saying anything substantive about what it is that happens here in Iraq, but oblique hints at upcoming events will start appearing at alarming frequency.
For instance, there is the subject of my upcoming return to "The land of the Free and the Home of the Brave", as opposed to the "Land of the Scared and the Home of the Enslaved" where I am currently residing. The 1-503D INF REGT is coming home to state the issue baldly. I just can't say when exactly, but I will point out that we arrived last year in August and the majority of combat tours in the Army last approximately a year. When you also consider the fact that (unsubstantiated by any official statistics) that the 1-503D has suffered the most casualties of any similar sized element in the military, you might think that my colleagues and I deserve a little break.
The problem of course is that nothing I say is official, and the Army reserves the right to do anything they feel is necessary. For example, tomorrow the Department of the Army might find it necessary to send this blogger for a one year tour in Antartica, where medics are desperately needed. It is entirely within the realm of possibility.
If compromised, I will deny all knowledge of this communication and this blog will self-destruct.

The Quest to Look Better Naked

I am not starting any new fitness challenges, but I am looking to get in super condition for my trip to Hawaii and after that Las Vegas. All the women I met who cared to comment were very appreciative of the work I did before my visit to Dallas. However, that is no longer enough. I have to look better next time. I didn't measure, but I am pretty sure that I failed to meet my target waist measurement of 32". I am also short of my target max bench press, 300 lbs. There is a workout I saw in "Men's Health" that I wanted to try but required the purchase or acquisition of Chuck Taylor All Star's. I would have gotten them while I was home but I was too busy making sure that all the women in sight were able to fully enjoy all the work I had done in the gym. They at least knew they had the option, anyhow.
It's not just about impressing the ladies now either. It's become a competition. With my unit's time in Iraq coming to and end, other soldiers are working out also and one must maintain bragging rights in the weight room. I came back and heard stories of how other medics have suddenly started bench pressing 300 lbs out of the clear blue. Clearly, a great deal of pride is at stake. So I return to the gym with increased intensity. Besides, it not like there is anything better to do. The one good thing about being in bored in Iraq, is that it has a handy side benefit - one often ends up looking really great naked.

Love and innocence

The thing that surprises me most about myself, that even with my limited experience with relationships with the opposite sex, I have already lost my ability to fall in love innocently. I already distrust women so much that I am unable to give myself completely to a woman just because it feels right. I will never experience "love at first sight". It's a shame that young people have already experienced or witnessed so many dysfunctional relationships by the time they are the marrying age that marriage looks distasteful.
I suppose it all goes back to what I did while I was home and dissatisfaction with my lack of female companionship. I had fun, don't get me wrong, but when I blame the transience of my relationships with women on my transient lifestyle I get the feeling that I am copping out. It's not that I don't want more than a one night stand or passing friendship. I just don't know how to go about getting more. I don't know how to ask for it.

The Texas I-35 Party tour

Should you ever find yourself in Texas, you might wonder what there is to see and do after 10 pm. I was in Texas a week ago and I wondered the same thing. I did extensive research and the following post is a summary of my findings. Houston was not included to save time and gas, the other three major cities in Texas are all accessible from I-35. Houston is a side trip I'll save for another time.
I'll start with Dallas. The night life in Dallas doesn't start until Tuesday, although I suppose one could find a cozy little meet-market in Addison off the Dallas North Tollway Monday night. Tuesday nights are beach volleyball league night at Jack's Pub on Hall St. off I-75 in the Uptown neighborhood. I would go to ogle the pretty girls in beach volleyball wear and drink beer. Girls could come to scope out the shirtless men in board shorts. The volleyball is just an excuse.
Wednesday night means Carson's Live in Addison at Trinity Mills and the Tollway in Addison or Cowboy's in Arlington at 360 and Abrams. Carson's has a weekly beauty pageant involving women in bikinis and evening wear. Cowboy's has a raucous college night and various contests involving half-dressed college age contestants.
Thursday and Friday nights were a crapshoot for me. The second week I was in town, I partied in Austin and San Antonio on those nights. I hear Deep Ellum (take 75 south into downtown and take the Live Oak exit west) isn't bad on Friday. The first Thursday I went to this place called Uropa in Deep Ellum. My experience there got off on the wrong foot when an underage hottie tried to seduce me into buying her and a girlfriend rum and coke. Moral dilemmas do not a good evening make. The wet t-shirt contest helped a little though.
Saturday nights, social climbers should make their way to a place called the Obar. Supposedly, that is where DFW's social elite go to see and be seen. I went with some new friends I made and drank myself under the bar. I did notice that the crowd there is of the fashion model look-a-like variety. I saw a lot of exceeding tall people in expensive clothing.
Once party-goers tire of Dallas night life they should jump in their rental car (but only after an appropriate interval to allow their hangover to subside) and make their way to Austin. On the way, I recommend a pit stop in Hillsboro, TX and the Lone Star Cafe. Lone Star Cafe is a chain restaurant in Texas with an open bar and down home cooking. I especially recommend the cheese cake chimichangas. Once in Austin, astute party people should stay in the Super-Eight motel nearly directly across I-35 from Sixth Street. The motel is not only within walking distance of the "Live Music Capital" of the nation; it's cheap too. I have to admit that I don't frequent Austin's live music venues when I visit. I am more interested in the fact that Austin residents supposedly consume more alcohol in public then any other city in the country. (I got that tidbit from a popular men's magazine, my limited personal experience does support the fact that Austin drinks more than any town I've seen) I go to Austin to hit on the drunken college girls.
The only reason San Antonio isn't the best place to party in Texas is that Austin is an hour and half north. The River Walk is lined with pubs and clubs with enough variety to please the youthful population of military personnel and college students. The local industry is "hospitality". My favorite place to go in town is Polly Esther's.
Sunday night party people should perhaps try to sleep off their hangovers. Or one could see if Club Babalu (McKinney Ave in Dallas's Uptown neighborhood) is still the best place to salsa in DFW. I leave the choice up to you.

Party like a sailor on leave

I used the word "sailor" in the title but soldiers party hard too. Which is what I have been doing. Leave has been great, to sum it up without getting into detail.
At this moment I am in San Antonio after visiting Fort Sam Houston for old time's sake. I discovered that they actually have the video of my interview with CNN - if you can even call it that. Two years ago, when I was in AIT, CNN produced a segment on 91W, my MOS. The Army has always had medics, but 91W was a new MOS designation made from a combination of two of the old MOS's, 91B and 91C. 91B were "combat medics" - they were always assigned to combat units. 91C worked exclusively in clinics and hospitals. The Army reorganized them both into one MOS and called everybody "combat medics" (the official language is "Healthcare specialist").
So one day in class, CNN showed up with camera crews and started asking questions. Another soldier and I stayed behind to answer a few more questions. The Command Sergeant Major of MEDCOM, the highest ranking enlisted soldier in the medical field, was on hand watching and was so impressed that she gave both of us her "challenge coin". CNN came back later and shot footage of me leading other soldiers on a patrol during our one week field exercise.
In the actual video, I don't say anything other than "Move! Lets move!" But I look cool doing it.

Congressional meddling with military matters

It often surprises me how far from reality the people in charge are from the day to day reality of running the military. By the phrase "people in charge" I mean Congress and by "day to day reality" I mean the fact that the Army isn't doing so well in recruitment. Despite the known difficulty the Army is having recruiting new soldiers Congress wants to pass a law limiting the role of women in combat.
I take no stance on whether women should be allowed in combat (right now). What I am taking a stance on is the practical matter of having enough soldiers. Congress wants to exclude women from a host of "combat" roles and prevent women from being assigned to anything smaller than a brigade sized element (if my admittedly hasty reading of the news is correct). I get my news from week old newspapers so this calamity may have already come to pass but I want to everybody reading that women are mission critical tactical assets. The only way for us to have enough soldiers is if women shoulder a large portion of the load. Without getting into specific numbers on troop strength, suffice it to say that entire battalion sized elements (approximately 700 troops) would have to be drastically restructured.
The legislation must not be allowed to pass.
Besides we like having women around. Can you blame us?

Today is the day

The only way I could be more excited is if I was getting married. I go on leave today and I am practically on cloud nine.
I'll post an after picture for the 1000 crunch challenge ASAP. I did crunches with near religious fervor for twenty days, but I don't know if there is a visible difference. However, my abdomen is very strong now.
Happy trails!

3 Days...

If I don't leave this place soon, I think I shall go stark raving mad. I am excited, elated, and ebullient when I think of leave. I am also becoming increasingly desperate. Perhaps my state of mind is my own fault but it seems that the stress is almost always worse right before it is going to be relieved. I mentioned that "amazing things" were taking place here in Iraq. Well "amazing" work can cause stress.
I need a vacation. A year long vacation. 14 days will have to do.

I hate OPSEC

We are doing some really amazing things out here. And by "we" I mean other people while I stand by with my mouth agape watching. The problem is that I don't dare mention specifics now. I mean amazing things are happening and I don't even feel comfortable telling my Mom over the phone.

Eight days!

I started this post just before midnight my time and it was going to be titled "Nine Days!" I was also going to say something cute about this being the story of a girl who looked so sad in photographs... (No cool points for naming this band, it's too easy.)
Let us talk of something else other than my impending arrival in the states.(eight days! I mean eight days! Are you excited? Can you tell I am excited?) We could discuss bioethics, for instance.
Scientists in South Korea (familiar territory for me) have recently discovered ways to speed creation of stem cells. These men and women have opened up the biggest can of worms in science today. Stem cell research on new stem cell lines has been banned in the United States. To understand the debate you must understand what stem cells are and their huge potential. My definition is taken from the National Institute of Health's website.

Stem cells have the remarkable potential to develop into many different cell types in the body. Serving as a sort of repair system for the body, they can theoretically divide without limit to replenish other cells as long as the person or animal is still alive. When a stem cell divides, each new cell has the potential to either remain a stem cell or become another type of cell with a more specialized function, such as a muscle cell, a red blood cell, or a brain cell.

In layman's terms that means that means that stem cells are magic. In effect, scientists hope to one day make little pills or an injection that would heal injuries like Wolverine does in comic books. Really. Stem cells are of special interest to people with damage to their central nervous system - Parkinson's disease, spinal cord injuries, etc - because ordinarily nerve cells never grow back. Scientists hope that stem cells can grow to replace any cell in the body.
The problem with stem cell research is that to collect stem cells you usually have to destroy an embryo to do so. If you believe that abortion is ok, then by all means destroy away. However, if you believe that abortion is evil, heinous, wicked, and just a plain wrong thing to do, destroying embryos would definitely leave you with a guilty conscience. (I happen to think that abortion is wrong.)
The policy of allowing no stem cell research to be conducted on new cells was great for keeping me and the abortion crowd happy - no tiny babies were harmed by our drug - but stifled promising research - Christopher Reeves couldn't get doctors to grow him a new spinal cord in a test tube.
The technique used by the South Korean scientists could raise some other interesting issues as well. A cursory glance at the article makes me think that the Koreans did something that looks suspiciously like cloning. They created embryos that were a "genetic match" from skin cells and donor egg cells with no DNA information. Sounds like cloning to me, but I am not a geneticist or even a biologist. The scientists involved ruled out any possibility of cloning humans, noting that animal trials yielded more failures than successes. As a rule, most people are against human cloning; however, in unscrupulous hands, who is to say that it couldn't be done?
So do we allow the research? What's wrong and right in this situation? I am of the belief that evil never begets good. Well intentioned evil is still evil - one should never do something wrong in the process of doing a good thing. But in the face of what stem cells could do for mankind... I really want to close my eyes and say "Destroy those babies!" Luckily, I am not in charge.
No tiny babies were harmed in the making of this blog.

Freak Dancing and the finer points thereof

I am going on leave soon and as a male of a certain age and certain inclinations I like to hit the dance floor on Friday and Saturday nights and my mind has begun to dwell on the topic of "freak dancing". If you don't know what freak dancing is you need to watch "Beauty Shop"and fast forward to the scene with Alicia Silverstone dancing in it. The only thing I have to say in reference to that scene is "Whoa".
Watching Silverstone's performance brought back many fond memories for me. There was the time in AIT with the drunk soldier who handled the family jewels after telling me that she thought I was "too cool"; as a substitute teacher when I caught two students freak dancing in the back of the class; and on spring break once with this one girl who had a special gift for the freak dance (I don't know how to describe it in a PG-13 way other than to say OH MY GOD).
Honestly, freak dancing is simulated sex on the dance floor. I totally understand why so many people are so strongly against freak dancing. A cursory google search brings up some interesting stories: Public High schools banning freak dancing, concerned feminists speaking out against overtly sexual dances, and rebellious teens organizing semi-orgiastic unchaperoned dance parties. Shoot, in Waco, Texas, Baylor University had banned all forms of dancing until recently. Now, they only disallow lewd gyrations.
Well, in 19 days I hope to do some "lewd gyrations" of my own.

1000 crunch challenge

I was reading Muscle and Fitness magazine the other day and I saw an interview with Ryan Reynolds about the training he did to get in shape for Blade Trinity and he said that he did 1000-1250 crunches or crunch variations every day. I don't know if you have seen the movie and I can't find any pictures of his midsection but the dude is jacked. I am jealous. I mean even scrawny comedians are in better shape than I am. What the...?
I have 20 days till I go home on leave and every day until I leave I am going to do 1000 crunch or crunch variations. So there. Before and after's will be posted at A Thousand Words.

Behold the competition.

Saddam's lobbyist is dead

Edward von Kloberg III used to do some lobbying work for the world's leading despots including yours and my favorite dictator, Saddam Hussein. He leaped to his death from a window in a castle in Europe.

You might be a POG

Civilians tend to think everybody in the military leads a rough life and spread their sympathy accordingly. I am here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. The military can easily be separated into two groups of people: "grunts" and "pogs". Grunts hate pogs and pogs despise grunts. Grunts think that pogs are silly and weak; pogs think that grunts stupid and brutish. Neither group is entirely right.
Grunts lead lives that lend credence to the quote by Thomas Hobbes:

The life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.

Grunts generally hold combat MOS's (Military Occupational Specialty) and tend to absorb the majority of casualties. Usually grunts are infantry. I have lived with grunts and have been an honorary grunt for a while. Being a grunt sucks. No, you simply don't understand, being a grunt sucks. Grunts stink, fart, curse, tell inappropriate sexual jokes, and did I mention they stink? There is a reason for the smell and the cursing - life as a grunt can be unbelievably hard. Grunts have an incredible capacity for suffering. Grunts will go without food, sleep, and water for hours. I have personally known grunts who were unable to shower for three months due to their living conditions. Grunts improvise - grunts don't need toilet paper, they'll wipe with strips cut from their t-shirts; grunts can fix anything with duct tape and a pocket knife; grunts make modern war possible.
Pogs exist to make the grunt's job possible. Pogs ferry supplies, provide medical care, handle communications - just about everything other than shooting people. Pogs live in comparative luxury and safety. Pogs will often wear civilian clothes in a combat zone; or at the other extreme, will enforce strict military disciplines normally reserved for garrison like the ironing of uniforms or organized physical training. (We don't dare gather for organized PT here. If a mortar were to strike at the instant we chose to do PT an entire platoon could be disabled. If that were to happen to the medics who would treat us?) Pogs have no conception of what real combat is. Pogs are necessary but often annoying to the grunt.
Pogs dominate the military. In fact, there are entire branches of the service filled with nothing but pogs - like the Air Force or Navy for instance. It's hard to be a grunt from the safety of an aircraft carrier or an air base. Pogs should be happy with what they are, they are the true face of the modern military. For whatever reason, pogs don't like to acknowledge what they are and their purpose in life. I am going to help them. The following is a set of warning signs to let the reader know if he/she is a pog. (Good chances are if the reader is a "she" she's a pog. It's not prejudice, females aren't allowed in combat... Yet.)
You might be a pog if you never leave the front gate. You might be a pog if you've been using porcelain toilets the past year. (The world is a grunt's toilet) You might be a pog if you take a hot shower every day. You might be a pog if you have a Combat Infantry Badge or a Combat Medical Badge sewn on when you haven't left Iraq yet.(Combat Infantry Badge, abbreviated CIB, is the badge that infantry men wear when they have seen combat, been shot at. The Combat Medical Badge, abbreviated CMB, is what medics wear when they provide treatment under fire. Other MOS's should get their own badges.) You might be a pog if you actually live within walking distance of a tailor shop. You might be a pog if you are neither a medic or an infantry man and you have a CIB/CMB sewn on. You might be a pog if you really care that much about the wearing the badge in the first place. You might be a pog if you eat catered meals in an air conditioned tent everyday. You are a pog if you iron your uniform in Iraq. (Sorry, but you are.) You are a pog if you have never had a bloodstain on your uniform. You are a pog if you never get dirty. (Even our Battalion Commander gets dirty out here.) You might be a pog if you are not suffering from combat stress. You might be a pog if you actually go to therapy for your combat stress. (Grunts like to think of themselves as strong silent types.) You might be a pog if this post offends you. In fact, you might be a pog if you are reading this - grunts only get online to check email and look at half naked women.
*Disclaimer: Pogs are great people who handle a million different things and make the military go; their only problem is that they think they are grunts. I only seek to promote greater understanding between the two factions.

Possible mozilla fix

Thanks to Ryan, I think the problems for Mozilla based browsers are gone. For most of you that means nothing. For the others well, let me know if it works.

Advanced minds in primitive bodies

I reserve the right on this blog to post random things from time to time and this post is one of those random things. I can never be "off topic" since there is no topic.
I was on guard today when I had an epiphany. I don't have epiphanies often but I have guard often and guard affords one time to think. I mean what else are you going to do when you are in a guard tower alone for hours at a time? (Well, there are other things but we can discuss that at a later time.)
I think many of the problems of modern society are directly related to the fact that basic human physiology was designed to survive primitive conditions. The traits that enabled man to survive primitive conditions can go haywire when faced with modern life.
For instance, consider obesity. I believe that the reason so many Americans are fat is that the human species original primitive instinct was to eat everything fat and sweet in sight. Fats and sugars are easy calories - they provide the most calories for the least effort. Assume that humans commonly lived through famines; individuals that maximized their caloric intake were most likely to survive. The easiest way to maximize caloric intake is eat nothing but fat and sugar. The logical thing for primitive man to do was to love the taste of fat and sugar. In modern times, gorging oneself on fat and sugar isn't the healthiest thing to do; but now you can blame your primitive ancestors for your sweet tooth.
Primitive brains lead people astray when it comes to sexual differences also. There is a theory that women only developed prominent mammary glands when humans began walking upright. Before, men were drawn to the curve of the female buttocks from behind. When humans began walking upright, the buttocks were no longer at eye level. Women began attracting their mates with enlarged mammary glands that looked like buttocks in front. To this day, the average male cannot distinguish a butt crack from cleavage. Something to think about when donning low cut attire. I'd also like to say that when a man leers at a woman's bosom, he is only succumbing to the instincts that kept him alive in primordial days.
I could go on, but I'd probably lose my female audience.
Why is any of this relevant to my situation? Why was I thinking about any of this? Life in the 1-503D was pretty primitive for a while. I think even cave men bathed more and ate better than we did for a while. Also, a man's ideas about sex tend to regress in the absence of women.
*Disclaimer: I don't believe in evolution but I think that evolutionary theory provides a useful framework for thinking about the development of living organisms. Most of my ideas came from theories having their basis in evolution.

More pictures

New pictures on A Thousand Words.

Template Problems

As many of you know I recently changed the blog template and my apologies go out to those who surf the web with Netscape, Firefox, or any Mozilla based browser. Especially since you can't read what I just wrote. Sorry, I am working on fixing that right now.

I think I'm paranoid

For those who are curious about why I don't take advantage of this grand opportunity and blog about the realities of this conflict let me explain: OPSEC. If I were to do hard news or talk about in detail what goes on here I am deathly afraid that terrorists could read my website and gain valuable information. Maybe I am paranoid, but then I am living in hostile territory in what is reputed to be the most dangerous place on earth, surrounded by random gunfire, frequent explosions, and suicide bombers. Wouldn't you be worried if I wasn't a little paranoid?
Two points if you can name the music group I am referring to in the title.

The difference between men and women:Totally irrelevant factoid

It's important to remember that genetically men have more in common with a male chimpanzee than they do with any woman. (A little something I learned from a book called Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes: The Ultimate Guide to The Opposite Sex.)

New Pictures

There are new pictures up at A Thousand Words.

I strive for the sublime by embracing the trivial

This blog has no aspirations to be controversial. My goal was specifically to escape my chain of command's notice and fly "beneath the radar". By several accounts, I have failed. Miserably, I am told. I don't know.
The good news is though that nobody is planning to shut me down. I think it is because of my tendency to avoid things like my opinion of the commanders latest decision, the dramatic success of our latest mission, the dramatic failure of our latest mission, or casualty reports.
Instead, I'd rather tell you I bought clothes for leave! Look at what I got!

• Michael Kors citron yellow piqueé polo shirt - size L - Citron Yellow
• Glorious Shirt Company multi-color cotton patterned button front shirt with jersey back panel - size L - Multi
• Allen B. white embroidered sport shirt
• Glorious Shirt Company blue & white cotton multi-pattern button front shirt - size L - Blue / White
• Michael Kors black wool 2-button blazer - size 44 R - Black
• Ralph Lauren: Polo RRL cream corded cotton jean-style jacket - size L - Cream
• Ralph Lauren: Polo green tint wrap around sunglasses - size One Size - Gold / Green
• John Varvatos cream ribbed crewneck cotton t-shirt - size L - Cream
• Kenneth Cole New York black leather 'In Plain Sight' oxfords - size 12 - Black

All purchased from Bluefly.com at discounted (yet still exorbitant in the eyes of my incredulous colleagues) prices. Note that I didn't buy pants. I was joking before that I was going to spend all my time on leave at a nudist colony since I didn't have clothes. Now, I'll just have to ensure that I am only photographed from the waist up.

Comments at Will!

I don't know who cares and how much, but comments work now. I'd puzzled over them once before and gave up, but now I think I have the situation handled. Comment at will!

Spring Diet fever

I sympathize but don't necessarily fully understand the pain women suffer when they diet for and eventually buy a new swimsuit. (I am not buying a new swimsuit, well, at least I am not buying a bikini. Or... I don't know maybe I will.) I do have some idea of how hard it is to lose two inches off one's waist. I understand, because that is what I am trying to do.
I checked the other day, and my measurements are as follows:

• 41" chest
• 14" right bicep
• 14 1/4" left bicep
• 24" thighs
• 15" calves
• 34 3/4" waist.

Most unsatisfactory! I mean, look at that waist! I am too young to become a blimp. (My apologies to those who are larger than that. You are not blimps. You're ummm... I'll get back to you on that.) Granted, I do tip the scales at 200+ lbs now but I consider that to be a feeble excuse. I have never been this fat before. I've also never been stronger. The bottom line is that I am carrying way too much fat on my stomach.

Why do I suddenly care that I might be turning into the Pillsbury doughboy? Who I am trying to impress? Well, I am reasonably certain that I am coming home on leave in May, and it is absolutely imperative that I be in tip-top shape to impress the girls at home. Surely, there is no more worthy cause for concern? What could be more important than a young man's never ending quest for female companionship?

I burn massive amounts of calories, and I do a small amount of aerobic exercise. (skipping rope) The problem is my rapacious appetite. I find it nearly impossible to not eat everything in sight. I tend to not discriminate when I snack and I will eat whatever is available. Thanks to my faithful readership, my loving family, and my fellow soldiers, ramen has been in steady supply. (THANKS!!! I really enjoyed the ramen folks.)

I could do more intense cardiovascular/aerobic workouts, but the problem is that aerobic exercise destroys the products of weightlifting. Long distance runners are usually very skinny because their muscle eats itself. Aerobic exercise eats muscle. So more than 15 minutes of anything is out. Besides, extended running hurts my back, because (you guessed it!) I am so much heavier. Also, running in our installation incurs the risk of being struck by a mortar round. Hemorrhage due to shrapnel wounds and blast injuries is extremely bad for one's physique.

The only solution is to cut calories. Ramen is definitely out. I've also renounced refined sugar (for a while anyway) and all other junk foods. I am still going to eat everything I can at regular meals. I am just cutting back on snack foods.

Random Thanks

I am going to thank a few random people who have sent me soccer balls. I don't have a comprehensive list because that would entail organization, which is not a word I would use to describe this soccer ball endeavor. "Ambitious" is a word I might use, but definitely not "organized".
Thank you, Karen, Ryan, Jason, Judy M, Kathleen, Jon, the children and teachers at the Monteverde Friend's School in Central America, Claire, and most of all Colleen - without whom I would probably have very few soccer balls. I am sure there are people I have left out but I did mention that these were randomly selected givers right?
I estimate I have received 50 soccer balls so far and I am hoping for more. I've distributed the soccer balls through the battalion chaplain to the various line companies and the demand is enormous. I simply can't give them enough and the children always come back for more. I could easily give twice as many away and still not have enough. Thank YOU!

American Economy modeled as gas

A random blog article about how economists are modeling all of the economy but the top 3% as a gas. You have to read it if only for this quote, "...as macroeconomist Makoto Nirei puts it, the gas model "seems to me not like an economic exchange process, but more like a burglar process. People randomly meet and one just beats up the other and takes their money."

Boy do I feel foolish

So my hand isn't broken. My trip to see the Navy doctors and get X-rays was revealing. I got off on the wrong foot by forgetting my consultation paperwork, and compounded my problem by being a little insolent with the Physician's Assistant on duty. Oh well.
I got an overwhelming response on the Informal Reader Survey. Three people responded. They were overwhelmingly female and middle aged, so I am redoing the page with pink accents with 24 point font so they don't have to wear their reading glasses when they check out the page. (I am allowed to tell that joke because both my parents are middle aged and very near-sighted. My vision is better than 20-20 now but when I turn 40 I will instantaneously go blind.)

Football Is More Violent Than War

Who would have guessed that I would sustain the first broken bone of my life playing football in Iraq? Three or four weeks ago, when I ceased to be a line medic and moved into the aid station, I played a football game and fell on my hand knuckle-first. I remember that immediately my pinky knuckle was deformed, swollen, and very painful. I thought immediately "Something is wrong." Then of course I thought, "It'll heal". If it had been anyone else's hand I would be in trouble with the medical platoon for not providing care.
So I was lifting weights the other day and mentioned how stiff my pinky finger had become to another medic and showed him the lump underneath my pinky knuckle. He suggested a condition known as "Boxers' hand". Boxers often break their metacarpals from punching with the smaller knuckles on their hand. I showed my hand to our doctor and he immediately concluded that I had broken my hand.
So I am probably facing surgery sooner or later to fix the problem. Things were going so well...

Places to Go Before I Die

I place a lot of emphasis on wish fulfillment in my life. I want to be able to grow old and not regret wasting my youth. I mean one can be responsible, get a job and get married, or one can party oneself cross-eyed. It is obvious what route is most attractive.
I was reading Stuff magazine (or was it Maxim? They are so similar that I think they might as well combine forces and stop competing. They could call the new magazine Stuffxim, pronounced "stuff 'em") the other day and saw a list of party spot world-wide to visit for New Year's Eve. Of course, last New Years Eve I had a hot date with a dude wielding an AK-47 and wearing a long beard so I didn't visit any of the aforementioned reveling rendezvous. I did start thinking though, where do I want to go party while I am still young enough to enjoy it? Well here's my list:

• Ibzia, Spain. It's only the wildest party in all of Europe, if E! Entertainment is to be believed. I think I read a statistic somewhere about how 70% of all females who visited with their boyfriends cheated while they were there. I am certainly not taking a date when I go.
• Sydney, Australia. I was planning to go while I was in Korea because of the things I have heard about Aussie women and the pictures I have seen of Australian beaches. The number one reason? Nicole Kidman and Elle McPherson are Australian. I've been trying to figure out where to go to meet lonely 6 Ft. tall super model types all my life.
• Cozumel/Mazatlan/Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I spent 4 hours in Mexico during spring break, and I saw enough to know that anything goes in Mexico. Anything.
• Las Vegas, Nevada. I want to see Sin City while there is still sin left to be committed.
• Los Angeles, California. I am not really interested in seeing the stars. I have been watching that TV show The OC and I think that LAX is the closest airport to Newport Beach.
• The French Riviera. Because I want to see French girls and there are no beaches in Paris.
• Reykjavik, Iceland. Hip people worldwide are flocking to Iceland because of the great night-life, the northern Lights, and the hospitable people. I am hip right?
• Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. One Word. Carnivale!
• Bora Bora, South Pacific Islands. Because everyone says they want to go to Hawaii. I want to see the South Pacific, but I also want to be original.
• Miami, Florida. Ok, so maybe Will Smith isn't the greatest rapper alive; but I think he was onto something with that song.
• Hedonism, Jamaica. The name says it all.
• Benin, Nigeria. Because Dallas, TX is home, but Nigeria is Home.

Informal Reader Survey

If you don't know, I have been plotting a massive redesign for sometime, but it occurred to me that I haven't included a major constituency in the decision-making process - you the reader. I don't gather usage statistics and for all I know all I may have ten readers total (but they all send great care packages!) but I do want all ten of them to suggest how the site might better serve them.
At the same time, please don't be offended if I completely ignore your wishes and do something completely different. It isn't callous disregard - it's... I'll get back to you on what it is, but I do understand one thing about my readers. The majority of my readers stay interested because my situation is the same or similar to that of one of their loved ones. When I was in AIT, a woman read my site and told me of her fiance who was going to Fort Sam Houston. She lived in fear that he would succumb to the many temptations to be found in San Antonio. Another woman wrote me when I was in Korea about how her son was also in Korea witnessing and probably experiencing moral depravity with "Drinky girls" in Tongducheon. Now that I am in Iraq, I get family members of deployed soldiers.
I am trying to say that in six months I will have new readers because I will have started a new adventure. I don't know what happens to the old readers, but chances are they stop reading. I can't even get my family and friends to read all my blog posts.
I need email from as many readers as possible about why they read, who they are, and what they like or don't like. I don't share reader's names or their names.

Rock Star's Websites

When putting together your own "rock star" website it is necessary to study actual rock star websites, which I have been doing in my spare time. I discovered that a lot of Rock Stars have old, poorly updated websites. It looks like many people put a lot of money and work into developing flashy cutting edge websites when the web was new and then discovered how much was required to maintain such a website. A lot of sites have flashy graphics and music but no content to back up the site's pretty looks.
My goal and what I mean by Rock Star website, is a site that looks expensive but is designed without any expensive parts. The site should be colorful, energetic, and look as if it might fly off the screen but without breaking the budget of the guy who built it.
I do know these things:

• I hate rectangles.
• I like irregular borders.
• I like not having any borders.
• I like Jenniferlopez.com.
• My liking Jennifer Lopez's site has more to do with the picture on the left side of the site than it has to do with the design.
• I don't look as good with my shirt off as J.Lo. does. (But I do look real good, let me assure you).
• I hate sites that make you download stuff to see them.
• I hate sites that only work on certain browsers.
• I think really cool designs should also look really simple.

Those are my design principle right there, in a nutshell.

While you ponder my rules of good design check out www.firstrock.net.

I finally got a programming job

After an exhaustive search for employment I have finally found a job doing programming work. The catch is that I had to join the Army become a medic and forget half of what I knew about programming to get the job. My newest task in the medical platoon is to replace the old platoon database, which is a formidable endeavor. The old database had 47 fields in a table and 816 records. "Daunting" is a good word to describe my job for someone whose only experience with databases comes from a 3 credit class he took in college almost 3 years ago. To further complicate matters, the database could probably use some Visual Basic expertise, another class I was blowing off on a regular basis 3 years ago.
Despite all the cobwebs in my brain, the database is actually coming along fine. It's going better than my last project, building a heating rack for iv fluid with balsa wood and duct tape, which didn't really go that badly either if you ask the people who matter most.
My next big project for the platoon is building the platoon website. I am going to make us all look like rock stars. That is as soon as I can get someone to send me some decent image editing software...

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!
That is, if you actually want to enjoy Valentine's Day. I mean, Valentine's Day is just another one of those commercial, market driven holidays that corporate America uses to separate honest people from their money.
Ok, So I am a little bummed about not being able to hook up on Valentine's Day. Sue me!

Do You Remember The Time I Almost Got Married?

I don't know whose been reading for how long and how long those peoples' memories are, since I no longer gather any usage data; but I was curious if anyone remember the story I told about the "soldier medic" at Fort Sam Houston who wanted desperately to get married. This is what I said:

...Like this girl I know who is getting chaptered out of the Army due to health problems. She realized that she will be without any benefits or employment so she is trying to get married to someone for the health benefits! It will happen to because she is an attractive girl. I was tempted myself - if only for the chance to demand that she do her "wifely" duties...

Well I have trouble resisting a good joke, so I called her and suggested that we should get married for the money. So of course, she said yes. Luckily, I was hanging out with other medics who were able to administer CPR. She went on to say that she had always liked me and that she would be happy to do her "wifely duty". I had of course lost all powers of speech.
I bring this story up because she e-mailed me the other day and told me how her life was going, which was pretty well actually. She's working and will soon be returning home to attend college.
I still can't help but wonder "what if?" What's more, if I was married I'd have had priority for leave dates. What if?

My Name is Idaho, and I am an Addict

My name is Idaho Edokpayi, and I am addicted to television. I may have said something about being addicted earlier, but you must understand that my addiction is serious. I think I would be less obsessed if I was mainlining heroin every thrity minutes. I have never watched much on tv until I discovered the wonders of broadcast television the summer I graduated college. I watched an entire season of "The Real World: Chicago" in one day. Suddenly, I understood what it was to actually enjoy a program and want to watch new episodes in sequence.
The next year, I discovered the magic of DVD's and Tivo all at once. I am now forever spoiled. My life is over.
It's that simple.
When I am not watching "Smallvile", "Roswell", or lately "The OC"; I am watching "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer", or possibly, even worse, playing Soul Calibur 2. Soul Calibur 2 has to be what you might get if you took crack and digitized it and put it in a video game. There are times that I am not even enjoying playing the game, but my fingers won't stop and I can't seem to drop the controller. I don't even know what other games I own on my Xbox anymore.
This is bad because I am a soldier... in an infantry battalion. I am surrounded by fellow addicts! When somebody isn't saying, "Hey, Doc let's watch some OC" or "Hey, Doc let's watch some Buffy" they are telling me that I couldn't beat them at Soul Calibur if they all had no thumbs and were forced to play the game by pecking the buttons with their noses. Wrong thing to say.
What more can I say? I love television. Just not on TV anymore - I've got my brother, an electrical engineering major, working on technology to send the visual impulses directly into your brain. You'll be able to watch hours of TV in seconds. Just think of the possibilities!
TV is a heck of a drug.

Is This Thing On?

Somebody recently emailed me to ask why I hadn't posted in two weeks and I nearly replied that I thought I had. I looked at the blog and I haven't. I have been posting by email and I am not sure if I have been careless or if there is a problem but I know of at least one email post that still hasn't shown up.
If you have been checking the blog and thinking horrible things, well they are not true. I would never lie about my feelings for your sister... Wait wrong apology. I am alive and well as those of you who have been e-mailing know very well. I am sorry and I'll pay more attention to whether my posts actually get on the blog in the future.

When it Rains it Pours

My location in the Sunni Triangle looks like a monster truck rally, which isn't far from the truth when you consider how much modified up-armored and armored HMMV's weigh. Winter here can be cold, damp, and dreary - which is to say that it is probably preferable to the only other season we have here, which is summer. We have tracked mud on every square inch of floor indoors and most boots have changed color from tan to brown. The majority of my platoon is complaining of cold symptoms, and I am suffering the exact symptoms but I hate medication, ironic since I am the medic. 

For those of you who are interested in my soccer ball project I have a few helpful guidelines:

• You may send the balls deflated.
• Size doesn't matter, but I would recommend a size 5 ball. (The kids aren't picky)
• I am not affliated with any charitable or  international aid organizations.
• I make up the rules as I go.

Keep those things in mind and we can have a beautiful relationship. I am going to post pictures of smiling children with soccer balls at this location , my new photoblog, A Thousand Words. There will also be pictures of daily life in Iraq.

That's all for now, I am leaving to go take my mudbath.

So You Need Proof?

When I came up with the idea of giving Iraqi children soccer balls I always knew in the back of my mind that I would need proof that I was actually giving the balls to the children. I originally intended to take pictures as proof, then I I realized that may not be adequate. However, I don't have much in the way of other options. I intend to take the pictures and post them on a photoblog (as yet unnamed but coming very soon) but in the end, I'll have to ask you to just trust me. The address the soccer balls are sent to is an APO address in Iraq and honestly, other than perhaps a soccer coach, who wants a million soccer balls in the mail?  I suppose it could be part of some diabolical plan to take over the world, but what are the odds?

Meestah Give Me Football!

I would never explicitly ask for something for myself on the blog. I might however drop subtle (ok not so subtle, or rather really obvious) hints. However, for somebody else, I don't feel the slightest compunction making my demands known.

What I want are footballs, known to you as soccer balls. The never ending refrain of the Iraqi children's singsong pleas is "Meestah give me football!" They ask for other things of course, pencils, pens, crayons, stickers, coloring books, papers, money, watches, sun glasses, etc. But they always ask for soccer balls. And I never have any. So I aim to set this situation right. So please, send me your balls. Soccer balls, I mean. (perverts)

This is how it works. If you send me an email, I'll email you back instructions on where to ship your soccer balls. If you already know my address feel free to just go ahead and send them.

Thanks! You many now return to your regular programming.

Combat Carpenetry

If you had been near my location in Iraq recently, you would have thought it was a construction site. Well, my location is a construction site; but it's also a fortified position, bristling with heavy machine guns and booby traps. People passing by simply do not realize how close they come to death everyday.

The most popular pastime recently has been carpentry. I even tried my inexperienced hand at some minor projects. Thus far I've built a platform for exercise and a floor for my room, and both were remarkably similar in construction. I built the platform so I could do calf raises without breaking my neck on the balcony or the stairways and I put the floor in so I didn't have to walk in the dirt in the little room I call home. I am satisfied with the results, even if the results are lopsided and unfinished. Finished wood where I live is unheard of. It wouldn't go with the decor.

I took some pictures recently (THANKS DAD!) to send home to the folks and my mom upon seeing the pictures immediately wanted to know where my gun was. I replied that it was strapped to my leg like it always is. It seems that the family is afraid I'll get shot because I am not carrying a big enough gun. I just want to say, don't worry about me - I have 20 body guards and they are all packing heat. Me worry? Nah!

Ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed or sleeping bag in my case? Today, I was in such a nasty mood that I would have punched Mother Teresa in the ovaries if I had seen her.

Check out the Bravo Company website. http://www.b-co.1-503rd.org/

Gotta Go!

It's a New Year

I have no resolutions except to do everything I can to return to the States in one piece. I should think of something funny to say but some days you just don't feel it. I WANNA GO HOME!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you and yours!
Umm by the way, unless the Army is willing to relax its strict rules of behavior and allow shenanigans like what is depicted in Starship Troopers (co-ed showers, sex in the tents) I am very much not in favor of women in the infantry. I'll explain what brought this up another time.

stuff not to send a soldier

My platoon has been getting a lot of packages because of the time of year and we appreciate the sentiment and the good things the people of America have sent us. Some things have been cause for head scratching or bemused laughter. For instance, if the address says anything about "Infantry Regiment", "Inf.", or anything resembling the word "Infantry" feminine hygiene products will not be appreciated. We feel much the same way about vitamin supplements meant for women, and magazines like "Redbook" aimed at an older female audience. Men in an infantry line company really do not care to read about why Julianne Moore believes that no one should get plastic surgery. (We would tend to believe that many people are in dire need of immediate emergency plastic surgery, but that's just us.)

Also don't send us water. I am amazed that the water survived the trip without springing a leak but, a single bottle of water is a mockery more than anything else. If the Army can deliver my mail I am sure it can deliver sufficient quantities of water also. Now that I have told you not to send water, I am sure we will have a shortage and I will be forced to drink water from the open sewers in the street. No matter, what does not kill me sends me home early.

I can't think of anything else you shouldn't send offhand but I'll let you know when something occurs to me.

Merry Christmas

In case I don't see you again. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

By the way, visit www.desertoutkast.com, make PFC Gonzo happy too this Christmas.

I'd be happy if he'd just take down that stupid picture of me sleeping.

In case we don't meet again

Rampant consumerism aside I wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Christmas isn't about the stuff you get or the money you spend or the places you go or what you do when you get there. Christmas should be about the people you spend the birthday of Christ with. I apologize to the atheists out there. Atheists should feel free to spend Christmas concentrating on getting more stuff.

No more homilies in this space till next year.

More Stuff

I have had a couple of days to think about it and I wanted to add a few more things to my list. Of course, when I get done, Santa will have to airlift everything I want in a C130 but I have needs.

• a Special Operations Medical Backpack $159.99 at http://www.rangerjoes.com/ (in Black please) I have to feed my not so well hidden aspiration to be in Special Ops.
• the next 12 copies of Maxim magazine, because you can't get Playboy in Iraq.
• one jumbo size bottle of hand/body lotion, my skin is extremely dry.
• a time machine, I need some way to make this year pass faster. Of course if I had one the Army would immediately confiscate it in the interest of national security.
• a motorcycle.
• a full body cast, in anticipation of the massive vehicular accident that I will likely have the first time I ride the motorcycle.
• illegal drugs, so I can numb the pain. (If you really attempt to send me illegal drugs I will fly to your location and beat you senseless. If I can't get pornography what makes you think I can get drugs?)
• a Papa John's pizza with extra cheese, Italian sausage, and jalapenos. Frozen? Maybe they could just send me a kit with instructions on how to assemble the whole thing and then I could attempt bake it over a campfire. There is no limit to what a determined soldier might attempt.
• An Xbox, because nobody will send me one despite the fact that I have oodles of money in the bank. (Oodles is a word I define as more than I am accustomed to having due to my normal spending habits)

That's all for now. I'll be waiting impatiently I promise.

More Stuff

I was reading the list of stuff I asked for, and realized that there was no reason I should stop there. I mean I asked for world peace so I might as well try for a couple of new XBox games or something.

In addition to world peace, brotherly love, and well being for all I decided I also want:

• A Pony.
• A big house with a pool. (I'll need it to store the stuff I am going to ask for)
• A vacation to Disney World.
• A baby grand piano. I don't play but I'll learn.
• An electric guitar. See above statement.
• A drum set. See above statement.
• An Alienware Gaming Desktop computer system. I like computers, especially funky alien shaped computers.
• Smallville season three DVD. I already asked for this once. If I have to do it again heads will roll.
• Season three of 24 on DVD. I kind missed this season what with training and deploying for Iraq and all.
• The Dave Chappelle show on DVD. I want this mostly so third squad leader can stop bugging me about borrowing DVD's I have already broken.
• Season three of The Shield on DVD. I don't know if this available but I had to ask you know, I'm on a roll.
• Season three of Friends. I have this weird quirk - I only watch the third season of any TV show.
• Nine pairs of Nomex tactical gloves or Nomex aviator gloves. I destroy like one pair of these a month, so I figure that nine will get me through the rest of the deployment.
• More to come later!

Christmas list continued

Where was I? I think I had just left off with the car. I also want:

• A Tablet PC that can play DVD's and burn CD's. Everybody else has them! I just want to have the same things as all the cool kids.
• Bi-pod legs compatible with a picatinny rail system. My platoon sergeant just got some and they are super cool. You never have to use a sandbag to support your M4 at qualifying again. Of course I would also need an M4.
• My own domain name. You can't be hip unless you have you own your-name.com . All the cool kids have this I swear.
• The Rosetta Stone Arabic Level 1 Language Program. I can't be an international super spy until I have mastered a difficult foreign language and Arabic is the language of the month at Oprah's linguist club.
• 100 pounds of Ramen Noodles. I am hungry.
• 100 pounds of spiced Beef Jerky. I am very hungry.
• A new wardrobe in case I come home on leave. If I come home right now I will be forced to spend the entire time in a nudist colony.
• A weight bench. I recently benched 245 lbs. - the most I have ever lifted in my life - but we lost our weight bench. I stay in shape by doing calisthenics in the wee hours of the morning when I am pulling guard.
• Summer desert combat boots. Supply mistakenly gave me two sets of winter boots and I can't wear one pair because they are too small.
• Final Draft 7 screen writing software. Instead of selling the movie rights to Warner Bros. I am going to write and direct the compelling story of my adventures in Iraq myself.
• World Peace.

Merry Christmas!

All I want for Christmas

All I really want for Christmas is to be home. Unfortunately the only way I'll be home this Christmas is in my dreams. That failing I have a list of things I want.

• A Casio G-shock Watch. I have destroyed no less than 5 watches since I was told that I would be deploying to Iraq.
• A warranty for my XBox. I have destroyed nearly $300 in Xbox equipment since I have been in in country.
• Warm weather. It has been absurdly frigid in our location and I am told it will continue to be so for the forseeable future.
• A Nissan 350Z. Do I really need to explain this one?
• Matching chrome plated 9 millimeter hand guns. I have just grown accustomed to the feel of the gun and I want to be able to accessorize with my watch.
• Time is up. More later

Out on the street with my peeps

So I was on patrol just the other day when we met this crowd of Iraqi children. When we see children they tend to clamor for whatever trinkets we carry and we usually give them pens, coloring books, or whatever school supplies we have on hand. Candy is not recommended but sometimes we do it anyway. Usually, the kids won't accept the candy. I began asking the kids their names and trying to converse with them using the limited Arabic I have learned during my tour. One child completely floored me when he read my name off the front of my flak vest, no mean feat considering how much difficulty native English speakers have pronouncing my name. I immediately turned and pointed at another soldier's name. The kid read the name with no difficulty. He didn't speak English as well but his sense of humor translated just fine. With the pen we had given him less than 2 seconds ago he wrote on his hand in English "Ali Baba" - Arabic G.I. slang, as in "Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves".

Let me be the first to tell those of you at home who don't know yet, it gets cold in Iraq. I can't tell you how ironic it is to be wearing a jacket when you are staring at palm trees. I always wondered why they made us pack cold weather gear.

Somebody send me season 3 of Smallville! I acknowledge that I can't eat it but the box that it comes in might be kind of tasty.

Idahosa Edokpayi

Can anyone understand the mystery that is Africa?

Can anyone hope to survive her jungles unscathed and soul intact?

Can anyone look upon her people and not be moved?

Can anyone understand the mystery that is Africa?

Posting by email

I am trying a fairly new feature in Blogger that allows users to post by email. I had some lame sentimental rhymes I had wanted to post but I failed to write them down immediately and the poetry disappeared. Maybe next time.

Any Citizen

Lately, we've been receiving letters addressed to any soldier. I am replying to any citizen who cares to read.

Dear Citizen,
Thank you for your letters of support and the numerous packages you send our way. Your support makes our war effort possible. The cookies fill the stomachs of the soldiers who receive them and the letters fill their hearts. We laugh with delight when your children write us and study the pictures they draw and the photographs you send with intense interest. Soldiers amuse themselves by responding to your correspondence and even if you receive no response do not assume that your letter was not appreciated. Our duties sometimes make us forget our manners but we never forget your gifts and letters.
There are those of you who question our involvement in Iraq and wish us to come home immediately. Most soldiers would tell you this is impossible. We believe that we are here because we must be here. Our involvement is necessary for your safety, for the safety of the world. Whatever the reasons that soldiers originally entered Iraq, soldiers must stay now for the good of all involved. We are here planting the seeds of freedom in Iraq just as the first American soldiers planted them in America so long ago. Even if we could be persuaded to abandon the work we have started we could not leave. To leave would be to disgrace the blood of our brothers in arms who have died or been maimed fighting here before us. We have to make their sacrifice worthwhile.
Citizen, don't know me, you will probably never meet me but if you read what I have written and understand the sentiment behind my words you will have done me a great service. Thank you.

SPC Idaho Edokpayi 1-503rd INF REGT US Army

Simple Pleasures

Idahosa is a happy soldier today because he just took a shower and is going to take another in a few short minutes. The warm spray of a strong shower head over filthy skin is a dramatically sensual experience when one has been taking cold showers for 3 months. Add hot chow and life just does not get better.
Have I said anything about how the Army gets too little good press and the Marines get way too much? I'd say more but...
Somebody just destroyed my month old Xbox while I was out dodging bullets. I hate people sometimes. If I could find that person, I would personally ensure that they suffered a horrible, agonizing death involving clever misuse of medical equipment and the blunt end of a 9mm Beretta. I am a medic after all.
By the way, here's a note to all the girls out there just dying to hook up with a soldier: if you get within ten feet of an infantryman in any branch of the service you will get pregnant instantly. I promise.

War is Hell

There is a joke going around that Time magazine has voted the installation currently housing the 1-503rd is the worst place to live in the world. The problem with the joke is that any reporter visiting from Time magazine would be blown to smithreens, shot, or kidnapped before he ever actually walked in the gate.
I have a few projects in mind with regard to this blog. I plan to get some web space and get a domain name. I also plan to get a digital camera so you can see me win the war in Iraq single handedly or rather so you can see me pose for silly pictures with bewildered Iraqi children. What this means for the blog in its current incarnation is nothing. Even when I start the new website I will still be posting to this blog. The new website will be this blog, just on steroids. I like self-promotion over the internet.
Life in Iraq is well, life in Iraq. It sucks. It sucks a lot. We just installed electricity and I saw the CO building a shower behind the building so things are looking up. Hot chow has been more regular lately, I might stop losing weight. I also took a shower today so I am feeling extremely chipper.
Send food.
(I can't eat money.)

Lame Poetry

Does absence make the heart grow fonder,
Or does it make one prone to wander?
Through the distance can two souls reach and touch
Or do suspicious minds demand too much?
Can loneliness poison, leave us in pain,
Prevent us from seeing what we have to gain?
It seems that man will never learn:
To yearn is to blunder; to desire is to burn.
Love is tragedy; life is love; the end comes faster;
And all is unmitigated, beautiful disaster.
The common everyday emotional attachments
Are just snares, entrapment.
Don't try to escape, don't deny your need!
Join me in folly; this I plead.
In the end love is impossible.
Yet at the same time, love is unstoppable.

I am prone to write dumb poetry when I spend a lot of time on guard by myself.
I've got big plans, just not a lot of time to talk about them. Watch this space. I'll be back.

Going Places

If you don't hear from me don't worry. I am going to be at a location nearby where I cannot post to the blog for a while. In the meantime, go vote! Today's election will be the most important election to take place in my lifetime and could directly impact how long I stay in Iraq and whether I will have to go back. Those of you who know me well know how I would have you vote, but I don't want to go any further because I don't want to possibly insult the future Commander in Chief.
I am actually leaving in two hours so I'll have to cut this short.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!
From a guy who never went trick or treating as a kid.

Who are these people?

So I am receiving even more mail from people who apparently are visiting this blog. It's touching really it is. I am always amazed that people are interested in what I have to say.
Life around the FOB (Forward Operating Base if memory serves) is actually relaxed for once. At least it is when I am not being wrestled to the ground and cuffed by members of my own platoon. It could have been worse, the last medic was bound and stuffed in a box, a prank known in platoon history as "Doc In a Box". I would have killed someone before I let that happen. I am not angry really. They did the same thing to our Platoon Leader not long ago. No one is immune, except the Platoon Sergeant. I am sending out a warning. I will have my revenge. I am different from medics past. Those involved should sleep with an eye open.

Grammar police

I am expecting a visitation of the Grammar Police at any moment due to numerous miscues in the last few posts. When people start reading, I start proofreading and start wondering how much it would cost to hire an editor. This is from a kid who once boasted on a college application that he could teach 98% of graduating high school seniors something about English.
To my audience, (you know who you are, all 2 of you) thanks for reading; you keep me honest. Well at least you make me check my spelling.

What we all fear most

Silence is the most ominous thing a military family can hear.

MSNBC - Reservists refuse mission in Iraq

The military might be downplaying the seriousness of what these 19 people did but I know that if 19 people in my platoon did what these people did that the powers that be would rain hell-fire and brimstone on our location for days. I hope that they were justified and that the media can rescue them. Because not even God will help you if you disobey the US Army without good reason.
MSNBC - Reservists refuse mission in Iraq

A Soldier's Wish List

Someone emailed me and reminded me that people indeed do read this blog. I forget that people read what I write every so often. With those of you at home reading this in mind I came up with a list of things your soldier probably wants you to send him.

1. Books: I read at least 20 books in the two weeks 2ID was in Kuwait. I recommend light reading, Tom Clancy is much better in our situation than John Milton.
2. Magazines: Magazines are good also. You would be shocked at how many infantry men will read Cosmoplitan.
3. DVD's : If a soldier doesn't have a DVD player he will beg/borrow/steal one if for someone reason he can't buy it. Once he has obtained said DVD player he will watch everything on DVD in a two mile radius. It's true; I promise.
4. CD's: Same situation as with DVD's only not as desperate.
5. Baby wipes/Wet Wipes/Body cleansing towels: Soldiers use baby wipes on themselves just like you do on your baby. I wouldn't be that surprised if someone told me that a soldier somewhere was buying and wearing diapers. Baby wipes have other cleansing uses but there exists no better replacement for toilet paper.
6. Toiletry items: The PX's (Post Exchange - it's where military personnel buy enormous amounts of things they have no use for) are chronically under-stocked and there is always something that a soldier wants that isn't readily available. Also, I bet you would be surprised that macho infantry soldiers buy loofahs and body wash to use in the shower; loofahs are the best way to fight an affliction known as prickly heat. (Prickly heat is a skin condition that soldiers often get from constant wear of body armor. The sensation is something like having an infinite number of flaming needles jabbed in the skin at once. Those afflicted have been known to do the "Prickly Heat Tango", a dance requiring that the dancer scratch his back while writhing in agony on the floor.)
7. Video Games: I recommend multi-player games. True story: I recently bought X-Men Legends for my XBox and played it for five minutes and left to run an errand. When I returned, ten men had gathered around my Xbox to wait their turn to play.
8. Pictures of friends and family: I often see pictures of wives, girlfriends, children, friends, and family taped on the walls in the barracks, right next to the picture of naked women ripped from girly mags.
9. Clothes: There are no PT uniforms in the PX, none! PT's are the only other thing that most soldiers have to wear if they are not in their DCU's (Desert Combat Uniforms, they are the tan and brown uniforms that you see soldiers in on the news). You can buy PT's at any military base or possibly at military surplus stores. You can also buy them online at Ranger Joe's. PT, by the way, stands for Physical Training. PT uniforms are worn to exercise and sleep in. Most branches of the service have dark shorts and some sort of plain t-shirt with the name of the branch on the front. The Army personnel wear a gray t-shirt
   with Army emblazoned on the front and black trunks with Army written on left leg with white reflective tape. The Marines (which are not even a separate branch of the Service. They are a Department of the Navy!) insist on being different and wear plain green t-shirts with the shortest green shorts I have ever seen. There is nothing funnier than the sight of a macho Marine doing PT - in green short shorts. There official color isn't even green; the Marine color is red. Even the Air Force had the sense to wear dark blue. Send underwear too. The PX sells a very unsatisfactory narrow selection of underwear. They do sell thong panties, though. We all know how practical it is to be digging butt-floss out of the crack of your butt when the insurgents decide to start shooting at you. We all appreciate effort though. (Don't get me wrong, I am very much in favor of butt floss, just not on the battle field) Under Armour or some sort of moisture wicking t-shirt is also in high demand. Soldiers think they look cool in high tech spandex.
10. Food: Girls, if you send a soldier cookies you baked yourself and they make it to him intact and unspoiled, he will propose marriage. I promise. I recommend candy, beef jerky, powdered drinks (Gatorade powder is being sold by the gram in the barracks), and meal replacement bars for everyone else. Generally any food that will not spoil and does not need any kind of preparation is a good idea.
11. Letters: The most important thing you can send a soldier is your love. Soldiers measure love in mail. (or e-mail) If all you can do is write "hi" on a sheet of paper and mail that, at least he knows you love him a little.

So what are you waiting for? Send me something already!

On the Radar

Uh-Oh! It seems through extremely reliable sources that this blog is on Army brass' radar. In my experience this is the beginning of the end for most blogs. I do not think that will happen in my case since I take care to stay away from OPSEC violations but my fingers remain crossed.
Yesterday, I learned why the insurgents are such terrible shots by firing an AK-47 on automatic. It was enjoyable - I now believe that everybody should have their own AK - but was hardly a demonstration of outstanding marksmanship.